Hello, this is my first time posting. Over the last couple of years I noticed a decline with my grandmother. She leaves the oven on and mixes up times and dates. A few times I took her to doctors appointments in which we arrived sometimes a week to a day early than the actual appointment. I tried mentioning this to other family members but I am met by anger and told I'm being ridiculous and that she's "fine" She can no longer drive as she can't see the road anymore but family members insist she can still drive and that its alright. She seems to be more short tempered lately, she won't even allow me to double check her appointments just to make sure she didn't confuse the dates. She also does this thing with time, for example if she sets a doctors appointment for 10AM I'll ask her what time does she need to be there and she'll go back one or two hours and say 8AM or 7AM when I mention the incorrect times I am met with an eye roll and a "whatever, you know what I mean." I'm not sure what to do really as my family is in denial about it and I am taking care of her. She's in her early 70s, and I'm in my 20s. I am nervous about leaving her alone but I need to start working again,
You are there, caring for Gma and that is GREAT, because that means they don't have to do anything. They disregard your concerns because, underneath it all--they do NOT want to be figuring out care for her.
It's up to YOU to figure out what to do.
Nothing: and it will continue the same
Speak up: and give a timeline for 'change' whatever that may mean.
Trust me, nobody in the family is going to rock this boat as long as you are willing to stay and care for gma.
She is only going to get worse, memory-wise. Being angry with her is pointless. Learning to deal with her deficits is a challenge, and if you want to stay in this situation, you surely CAN, but do you want to?
Yes--you DO need to start working, and being out with people your own age.
In the meantime, take a lot of notes of gma's memory fails so you can back up your statement to the family that she is more than you can handle.
How, when, and WHY are you her caregiver? As far as the rest of the family goes, they don't care about your grandmother's decline because YOU are the plan, apparently.
PLEASE extricate yourself from this unhealthy situation. Grandma is NOT your responsibility. Please move forward with your life and get a job and move out (assuming you live in your grandmother's home).
You are too young to be involved in this situation. The ball is in your court, do something now.
Its nice that you have been able to do for grandmom but she has children who should be taking on the responsibility. Grandchildren should not be expected to care for grandparents, Grandmom needs to have a good physical with Labs. This will show if anything wrong physically. If not her PCP can do a small test for her cognitive ability. If he suspects Dementia, then she needs to see a neurologist. You can write out things you have noticed and hand them to the receptionist to give to the PCP. Here is info for a way to turn off stove when ur not around. https://iguardfire.com/
You may want to get a large calendar and write all Gmas appts on it. You may also want to inform family that you will not be available to take Gma to these appts once you return to work. If they say she can drive, tell them someone needs to go with her allowing her to drive so they see she can't drive. If they still think she can drive, then its on them. When was the last time she saw an eye doctor? She should be going yearly. It sounds like she has cataracts and they can be taken care of.
The responsibility of managing your grandmother's care falls on her children, not on you. Family who want to dump this on a grandchild are beyond selfish.
Focus on your life now.
AND ABOVE ALL, TAKE HER CAR KEYS. SHE MUST NOT DRIVE ANY MORE.
I would suggest that yes, you go back to work and that you notify your family you will be moving out of grandmother's house if that's where you live.
You are not responsible for your grandmother, and your picking up this caregiving is enabling everyone to avoid dealing with this.
As you describe it, it does seem you are looking at early onset of early dementia. This is for your parents and other siblings--her children--to see to now. As they do more care they will see more things. You should be certain ALL are notified in writing of what you have witnessed; be specific about incidents.
They will address them or they will not, and as with all these things, without being addressed some crisis or another will rear it's head and things will have to be dealt with.
When you are working and living on your own, visit. If you notice things notify APS for a wellness check on your grandmother.
I wish you the best. The 20s are the time for you to get out there and live and learn for yourself; very important formative years for your own life. I hope you will take advantage of them now.
It is important that she gets a few things in place now, while she is still competent, like preparing healthcare and financial POAs, and putting other responsible people on her medical privacy papers. Your family (I'm talking about your parents and aunts and uncles, not you.) needs to start planning now and they must start monitoring her finances, medications and appointments. There are too many lowlifes around ready to take advantage of the elderly.
It may be hard to get through to them. I would make a list of incidents and maybe enlist the help of her doctor, minister, a sympathetic relative, or other person they might respect who knows about the situation. Emphasize her safety and security. If they don't start taking responsibility you should respectfully quit.
Firstly, you are too young to be put in this position of caring for a woman whose own children are in denial about their mother. It's also a bad idea for anyone to take responsibility for caregiving without having the authority to do so i.e. durable power of attorney, which may be too late if she's no longer competent to sign such paperwork.
You need to start working. You need to focus your attention on yourself and your future. If you are living with her - save money to move out - because it's only a matter of time before she starts a fire. She's unsafe to live with and she cannot live alone. It's time to call your county office on aging for help for your grandmother.
THEN- Tell your “other family members” that YOU are going back to work, and that one of THEM needs to know that Grandma is not safe.
THEN- go back to work.
If you continue to do what you are doing now, Grandma’s care will become YOUR JOB.