My grandmother is toxic and abusive, what can I do?

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So a little about my grandmother: In short, she's toxic. Old. There are six of us including her living in one home. My mom, dad, and two sisters. I'm the middle child. My "grandmother" is always trying to start drama with the rest of the family. A few weeks ago she accused me of stealing $5 from her. Before that she had made my younger sister's friends miserable. My younger sister wanted to play with a friend - who was black- so in response to this my grandmother went into her car and followed my younger sister around the neighborhood telling her to go home and not play with black people. My grandmother has also bothered our neighbors about things, got into an argument with my neighbor's mother, and IF she doesn't get what she wants, she starts to lay on the couch near the front door and scream. She screams that she is dying, and does this on and on for at least two hours straight. This had happened roughly a week ago when my older sister refused to buy her chicken so my mother actually took my grandmother to the hospital where she was checked out for 30 minutes and given some prescription medicine. This wasn't the first time my grandmother pulled a stunt like this, crying and screaming and pretending to die on the couch. She had done this before, I can't remember what for, but I remember that my sisters and I were in the upstairs hallway. My grandmother sat on the stairs trying to prevent us from leaving so when we refused to talk to her she again pretended to die and scream for two hours when she was perfectly fine. She has made my mother and father very stressed. My father had supported my grandmother all his life, which is why she lives with us today - plus she has no where else to go. There are so many other stories my family could probably tell about her, but in short she is abusive. All she does is complain, and around last year we tried to get her into a nursing home but it would cost us $3000 a month, something we can't afford. I need help. I don't want my grandmother to make us miserable anymore. My whole family wants her out. Please help. We need help. We can't keep living like this. We don't want her to live with us anymore.

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This is so sad to read. I'm currently going through the very same thing..
What's worse is that my grandma is even physically abusive. She doesn't let go of a fight until there is blood all over the house. The one time she called the cops on me for fighting her off, then went to all the neighbors to gossip about me and created me to be one h*ll of a monster. Sadly, this has affected all my personal relationships with friends and boyfriends. I didn't even realize that the anger is contagious.
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I commend you for reaching out to find some ideas and solutions. From the sound of things, your absolutely right. Grandma is toxic to be around, and making your household a toxic place that no one can be in peace or enjoy because of one person creating problems, and wanting to be the center of attention. You said she is still driving? That surprises me because she doesn't sound completely mentally sound. Does she see a doctor for depression or any kind of mental illness? I would agree that she needs to re-apply for Medicaid, and get into a inpatient nursing home or even possibly assisted living if Medicaid pays, not sure. Trust me though, now is the time. Is your parents on board to placing grandma into skilled nursing? If so, sounds like a excellent time to have a family meeting and everyone sit down to discuss the next steps need to be taken. You said it would cost 3000 a month is that because grandma is retired, and has pensions or retirement each month? If that's the case it will be difficult to get her approved for Medicaid unless some of her assets are spent down. I hope you get all the help you need on here, and just get together with the family to come to some kind of game plan. None of you need to live so unhappily over one person being a negative contributing factor. Best of luck, and will be praying for your family! Love & LIght;-)
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Thank you to everyone that answered! I really appreciate the help.
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Stop and think for a minute! I personally would not take such a person anywhere if they throw a fit at home. If they throw a fit at home, they'll most likely do it out in public if they don't get their way, I mean just think about it. This sounds like a very childish person. Think of the videos you see on YouTube about children throwing tantrums in the store when they don't get that toy they want. If they throw tantrums in the store, chances are they also throw tantrums at home. This is why I would never take such a person anywhere with me or be seen with them in public because I would be sorely ashamed to be seen with them. Again, if someone throws a fit and ask like you described at home, they'll do it out in public. This is why taking her anywhere is not really a very good idea.
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This sounds very familiar to some degree. I once knew someone who also made others lives very miserable. She became very mean and hateful as well as verbally abusive and used threats against people. She was also very controlling. Seems like as soon as she started spending all of her time in bed is when she really worsened and eventually died an angry person. All I could do is remember the good times when she was nicer and even motherly to me. All of that is gone now much to my disappointment, all because she turned sour toward the end of her life. The only thing I found helpful for my own sanity is to avoid her by just not going around the house anymore. She lived with her son and her husband. At some point her son was forced to have to live in the basement. That's because the house was so full of stuff that was really no where to even sit down let alone put up someone at least for the night. I don't know whatever happened to the two survivors after the lady died, I think at very least the son may have moved away because his dad was really no better than his mom
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Badgrandma, how old are you? You sound like a nice kid, reaching out and trying to find answers to help your parents and family dynamics, Good for you! I too, had my Nana living with us in my teen years, and it was Hell! She used to act up something fierce! Many temper tantrums and making life difficult, especially for my Mom. Please try to be nice and supportive to your Mom especially, as often the day to day stuff ends up on her plate, if Dad is out working. Are there things you can find that interesting to your Grandma, that will give her things to do, like crosswords or a puzzle on a card table, magazines or books? You may not be old enough to drive, but it sounds like Grandma still does, so how about getting her out to a Senior Center, or take her out for cofee, and shop in second hand shops, just to get her out of the house, once and awhile, out of your Mom's hair? I know this sounds lik6mor work for you, but it may help to change her temperament, and give her something to do. Plus, maybe, if you can manage it, take some time to really talk with your Gran, about her life, about what it was like when she was your age, the things they did for fun, music of her day, fashion? Sometimes just having someone interested in you, may make her feel mor loved, and I know this is hard! But once you've gotten her happier about opening up, then you are opening up the lines of communication, and you will better understand ger frustrations too, and you can share yours! Old people suck, I get it, but this isn't going to go anywhere fast, and as others have recommended, have a chat with your parents about looking into Medicaid, which is different than Medicare. Also, look online about your states Area on Aging, as they are a great resource for you and your family. You might let your Mom know about this site too, as there are many recourses available here too, and a search box, for any questions you might have. Keep coming back and checking out your thread, for more help too! Check out the many different listings here on this site for even more help. Good luck Sweetie! Also, the more information you give us, the more help you will receive!
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Antianxiety meds......no family needs to live in close quarters with someone who screams and acts out all the time.....jiminy crickets.....Great advice above. Apply for mecicaid asap and get her mood swings stabilized now. Bless you...
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I totally agree with Kimber166. If your dad is supporting your grandmother then she would probably qualify for Medicaid. Get her signed up so they will pay for a nursing home.
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Your mom and dad need to apply for Medicaid for her and get her into a nursing home that accepts Medicaid. She should also be checked out by a psychologist - perhaps there are some medications that could help her behavior. Good luck to you!
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