I came home from running errands and found a business card from an investigator Not sure if this is in the right spot...cause it actually fits more than one description of which topics it may fall under... I'm looking for some input ~ hoping someone can help me.. I live with my 95 year old grandmother, two weeks ago she got very sick/wasn't herself. I believed it was a UTI (..in addition to not being herself, her urine had quite the odor - not normal). Took her to the ER (Tuesday) - doctor wouldn't treat her/sent us home (but they did get a urine specimen to rule out any problems). After that visit, we went home ~ couldn't get Gran out of the car (very unsteady on her feet) - when I finally got her out...knees started to buckle. Put my car alarm on see if any of the neighbors were home - and to help us. Luckily a few people came out - but we couldn't get grandmom to walk (she was shaking). Gran was saying she wanted to go into the house but it wasn't possible (wasn't moving legs to walk). Neighbor called 911 -- back to the ER (2nd time). Same ER doc as earlier, he was very condescending and said 'weakness is not a symptom' and sent us home. But before leaving - he said she'd be better off in skilled nursing care for the rest of her life. No, she doesn't need nursing care - however, she has an infection and no one will help her/us. Fast forward to Friday of that week - gran wasn't too bad from Tuesday to Friday (definitely wasn't herself though) - about 2:00am I helped her get up from bed to the bathroom. First thing I noticed - she was very hot. Immediately I took her temperature (103). Called 911 - back to ER (different ER doctor) - this time they kept her. All tests came back clean (yea - negative urine specimen/urine culture) with one exception -- tested positive for c-difficile colitis. Fast forward to 02/28 (hospitalized from 02/24 thru 02/28) - I requested that grandmom go into temporary rehab with the hopes of regaining some strength/agility as well as to recover more from the c-difficile. First care plan meeting was yesterday - even with the infection, she was exceeding all of the staffs expectations of her. Today - I was out doing errands (...getting car inspected; few other runs I needed to get done)..came home and found a business card between my doors -- An investigator from older adult protective services was here while I was away. Nothing else left in the door, just the card. My questions -- is someone attempting to get me in trouble for abuse (that never existed)? Is this a result of being c-difficile positive / this is a routine investigation? There was a similar type of incident in 2012 - grandmother fell, but I asked them to come by and evaluate grandmother to see if we are eligible for any services (meals on wheels, etc)...never received a business card from older adult protective services back then. My uncle's girlfriend has tried many times to start trouble thru the years but hasn't stopped to the current low....Sadly I wouldn't be shocked if it was her....(uncle's girlfriend has attempted to make me homeless; demanded I show her grandmom's financial records; etc - and no..since I'm the financial poa, didn't comply). But anyways...can someone help me make sense of all this? Am I being blamed for c-diff infection (...is this being classified as abuse?)? How can I defend myself against this potential aligation (...assuming I'm being charged with abuse)? I'm fairly certain that this was my uncle's girlfriend doing... but either way, I need to figure out how to protect myself against untrue lies.
Is evil girlfriend one of the heirs?
Are you being paid for caregiving? Do you work outside the home?
Perhaps it is time to set up a caregiving contract so that gram's money is being used to take care of her...paying YOU to do that.
By the way, this really does interest me, in this context and others. Okay, meddling girlfriend, toxic intruder, grr, boo, hiss, I get it. But why blame her? - she just thinks she's "helping" her sorry boyfriend. Why aren't you blaming uncle for allowing her to stick her nose in??? It's like blaming the fleas when the dog brings them into the house...
... anyway. Turning next to the question of what uncle's g/f has been up to and what to do about it, for now feel free to make a wax doll and stick pins in it, or draft letters to lawyers, or whatever. Just anything so long as you don't actually go round there and punch her on the nose.
I did talk to a few lawyers ~ I have a case for slander and libel.
As far as that ER dr...I have had SO MANY bad experiences with them....this guy really dropped the ball and needs to be sanctioned. Your grandma could have died and it would have been on his head.
You sound tough, and you're going to have to be. Someone called APS on my brother (mother lives with him) and said she was living in hoarded conditions, and some other stuff too. They came to the house, made a cursory check (mother was beside herself, as you can imagine) and altho she is a hoarder, her place is clean enough/safe enough and she herself is always immaculately groomed and the charges were dropped. Just some angry neighbor, I imagine. Brother does have a heck of a temper and he will yell and perhaps that's what they heard--I'll never know. APS scares us all--but they do have a job to do, so let them do it. (They TRULY do not want to take people out of their homes, their job is to make sure that they have an advocate and voice....)
Stay tough. I don't have much experience with C-diff, but I know that living conditions need to be VERY clean--so extra work for somebody to keep grandma safe. Good luck to you--try and stay calm.
Woman sounds a total pain.
Midnight, how long have they - Uncle and g/f - been an item? Does she actually know your grandmother, as a person, I mean?
I did text my uncle ~ "I know who did this..." his response, "I don't". I truly believe he doesn't legitimately know - but I'm sure his sister (my aunt) will be filling him in.
APS is scary enough ~ and I'm not afraid. The truth will set me free. I know they have a job to do...not their fault uncle's girlfriend is mentally unstable. Spoke to my aunt (gran's daughter) as well as my uncle (with girlfriend) ~ told them both that calling APS is unacceptable and I will not tolerate being bullied. I fully intend to investigate any and all legal avenues...and if I can get her on slander/libel - I most certainly will. Needless to say my aunt went into partial panic mode -- begging to have a 'family meeting' to discuss everything. Told her that the current actions have crossed the line and she's a bit too late. Haven't heard any response from either since earlier today. Not expecting any response either ~ they're likely hoping that I'll 'forget' the incident. Still decluttering the house (focusing on the first floor - where gran 'lives') ~ cause something tells me that I should prepare for a home visit in the upcoming days. I don't have plans to tell Gran about APS, not going to upset her. If anything, I'll let her think it's home health coming to do preliminary interview.
General update on my grandmom ~ no more isolation precautions. She's still doing very well - and things are looking awesome. Still wants me to take her home - but I keep telling her 'soon'. She's been sleeping for the most part since I've been here (..we're not morning people ~ our day usually starts after 12:30pm. Rehab has her up and ready for the day by 6:30am. Just thinking about that hour of the morning - yuck). Sleep sounds like a great idea - can't wait to go home.
I'm so pleased your grandmother is doing better - that's all that matters. With you on the hours thing, too, though I did improve once I got my mother back from rehab. She'd been in their "boot camp" for just over a month, and there were advantages to starting earlier - otherwise the whole day's gone by and you've barely got her breakfast dishes done.
A family meeting should be held to decide how much your compensation should be for caregiving. Use part of the lawyer visit to set that up.
If, down the road, grandma needs Medicaid support, she will have spent down her funds legitimately.
Likely, evil gf sees you as a "hanger on" who is leeching off grandma, right? No, you're her caregiver and saving grandma and the heirs tons of money, because alternatively, gma would be in assisted living at 5 to 7 thousand dollars a month in your area. Gather some facts and figures, and educate them all a bit about the 5 year lookback that Medicaid does.
Just to add some info about C-Diff. My step-mother contracted it last year. She too, went to the hospital with a UTI, was given an anti-biotic and started with the explosive diarrhea about a week later. It is EXTREMELY common when hospital/nursing/assisted living environments are involved. It often shows up after a person has been on antibiotics for some other health condition. It almost always returns repeatedly. My SM had 4 bouts of it before she had a fecal transplant that took care of it for good. Make sure you clean your house from top-to-bottom with the appropriate type of cleaner (ask the hospital or a doctor). Don't forget surfaces like telephones, door knobs and telephones.