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I came home from running errands and found a business card from an investigator Not sure if this is in the right spot...cause it actually fits more than one description of which topics it may fall under... I'm looking for some input ~ hoping someone can help me.. I live with my 95 year old grandmother, two weeks ago she got very sick/wasn't herself. I believed it was a UTI (..in addition to not being herself, her urine had quite the odor - not normal). Took her to the ER (Tuesday) - doctor wouldn't treat her/sent us home (but they did get a urine specimen to rule out any problems). After that visit, we went home ~ couldn't get Gran out of the car (very unsteady on her feet) - when I finally got her out...knees started to buckle. Put my car alarm on see if any of the neighbors were home - and to help us. Luckily a few people came out - but we couldn't get grandmom to walk (she was shaking). Gran was saying she wanted to go into the house but it wasn't possible (wasn't moving legs to walk). Neighbor called 911 -- back to the ER (2nd time). Same ER doc as earlier, he was very condescending and said 'weakness is not a symptom' and sent us home. But before leaving - he said she'd be better off in skilled nursing care for the rest of her life. No, she doesn't need nursing care - however, she has an infection and no one will help her/us. Fast forward to Friday of that week - gran wasn't too bad from Tuesday to Friday (definitely wasn't herself though) - about 2:00am I helped her get up from bed to the bathroom. First thing I noticed - she was very hot. Immediately I took her temperature (103). Called 911 - back to ER (different ER doctor) - this time they kept her. All tests came back clean (yea - negative urine specimen/urine culture) with one exception -- tested positive for c-difficile colitis. Fast forward to 02/28 (hospitalized from 02/24 thru 02/28) - I requested that grandmom go into temporary rehab with the hopes of regaining some strength/agility as well as to recover more from the c-difficile. First care plan meeting was yesterday - even with the infection, she was exceeding all of the staffs expectations of her. Today - I was out doing errands (...getting car inspected; few other runs I needed to get done)..came home and found a business card between my doors -- An investigator from older adult protective services was here while I was away. Nothing else left in the door, just the card. My questions -- is someone attempting to get me in trouble for abuse (that never existed)? Is this a result of being c-difficile positive / this is a routine investigation? There was a similar type of incident in 2012 - grandmother fell, but I asked them to come by and evaluate grandmother to see if we are eligible for any services (meals on wheels, etc)...never received a business card from older adult protective services back then. My uncle's girlfriend has tried many times to start trouble thru the years but hasn't stopped to the current low....Sadly I wouldn't be shocked if it was her....(uncle's girlfriend has attempted to make me homeless; demanded I show her grandmom's financial records; etc - and no..since I'm the financial poa, didn't comply). But anyways...can someone help me make sense of all this? Am I being blamed for c-diff infection (...is this being classified as abuse?)? How can I defend myself against this potential aligation (...assuming I'm being charged with abuse)? I'm fairly certain that this was my uncle's girlfriend doing... but either way, I need to figure out how to protect myself against untrue lies.

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Midnight,
Just to add some info about C-Diff. My step-mother contracted it last year. She too, went to the hospital with a UTI, was given an anti-biotic and started with the explosive diarrhea about a week later. It is EXTREMELY common when hospital/nursing/assisted living environments are involved. It often shows up after a person has been on antibiotics for some other health condition. It almost always returns repeatedly. My SM had 4 bouts of it before she had a fecal transplant that took care of it for good. Make sure you clean your house from top-to-bottom with the appropriate type of cleaner (ask the hospital or a doctor). Don't forget surfaces like telephones, door knobs and telephones.
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Good to hear Grandma is getting better!

A family meeting should be held to decide how much your compensation should be for caregiving. Use part of the lawyer visit to set that up.

If, down the road, grandma needs Medicaid support, she will have spent down her funds legitimately.

Likely, evil gf sees you as a "hanger on" who is leeching off grandma, right? No, you're her caregiver and saving grandma and the heirs tons of money, because alternatively, gma would be in assisted living at 5 to 7 thousand dollars a month in your area. Gather some facts and figures, and educate them all a bit about the 5 year lookback that Medicaid does.
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Oh, Midnight, I so feel for you. In fact reading your description has started off the nervous tic in my eyebrow again. Ugh! Don't want to think back.

I'm so pleased your grandmother is doing better - that's all that matters. With you on the hours thing, too, though I did improve once I got my mother back from rehab. She'd been in their "boot camp" for just over a month, and there were advantages to starting earlier - otherwise the whole day's gone by and you've barely got her breakfast dishes done.
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My uncle and his 'girlfriend' have been together since the 80's.. The girlfriend doesn't really 'know' gran ~ she thinks she does....but she only knows the basics. I'm the one that's there 24/7 - not her. Sadly the girlfriend has tried various stunts thru the years ~ (guessing) to get me out of the picture. My theory, since nothing has worked - she'd give APS a try. My fear, what's next - will the police be at my door one of these days? I do think that one of her motives is money (just a hunch though), since she loves shopping, etc. She's one of those who 'thinks' she knows it all...but in reality doesn't know anything.

I did text my uncle ~ "I know who did this..." his response, "I don't". I truly believe he doesn't legitimately know - but I'm sure his sister (my aunt) will be filling him in.

APS is scary enough ~ and I'm not afraid. The truth will set me free. I know they have a job to do...not their fault uncle's girlfriend is mentally unstable. Spoke to my aunt (gran's daughter) as well as my uncle (with girlfriend) ~ told them both that calling APS is unacceptable and I will not tolerate being bullied. I fully intend to investigate any and all legal avenues...and if I can get her on slander/libel - I most certainly will. Needless to say my aunt went into partial panic mode -- begging to have a 'family meeting' to discuss everything. Told her that the current actions have crossed the line and she's a bit too late. Haven't heard any response from either since earlier today. Not expecting any response either ~ they're likely hoping that I'll 'forget' the incident. Still decluttering the house (focusing on the first floor - where gran 'lives') ~ cause something tells me that I should prepare for a home visit in the upcoming days. I don't have plans to tell Gran about APS, not going to upset her. If anything, I'll let her think it's home health coming to do preliminary interview.

General update on my grandmom ~ no more isolation precautions. She's still doing very well - and things are looking awesome. Still wants me to take her home - but I keep telling her 'soon'. She's been sleeping for the most part since I've been here (..we're not morning people ~ our day usually starts after 12:30pm. Rehab has her up and ready for the day by 6:30am. Just thinking about that hour of the morning - yuck). Sleep sounds like a great idea - can't wait to go home.
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Reading back there, it sounds as if uncle's girlfriend has been a hanger-on for some years. It's not necessarily that easy to tell someone to get stuffed if she does consider herself one of the family, and her boyfriend does too, and they're married in all but the strictly legal sense.

Woman sounds a total pain.

Midnight, how long have they - Uncle and g/f - been an item? Does she actually know your grandmother, as a person, I mean?
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"Uncle's Girlfriend" has exactly ZERO say in Grandma's care. Seriously--how can anyone take her opinions as fact? She isn't family. Sheesh--it's hard enough to deal with the "blood relatives" w/o having the hangers on involved.
As far as that ER dr...I have had SO MANY bad experiences with them....this guy really dropped the ball and needs to be sanctioned. Your grandma could have died and it would have been on his head.

You sound tough, and you're going to have to be. Someone called APS on my brother (mother lives with him) and said she was living in hoarded conditions, and some other stuff too. They came to the house, made a cursory check (mother was beside herself, as you can imagine) and altho she is a hoarder, her place is clean enough/safe enough and she herself is always immaculately groomed and the charges were dropped. Just some angry neighbor, I imagine. Brother does have a heck of a temper and he will yell and perhaps that's what they heard--I'll never know. APS scares us all--but they do have a job to do, so let them do it. (They TRULY do not want to take people out of their homes, their job is to make sure that they have an advocate and voice....)

Stay tough. I don't have much experience with C-diff, but I know that living conditions need to be VERY clean--so extra work for somebody to keep grandma safe. Good luck to you--try and stay calm.
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No, he's probably not going to do anything about it, but that's exactly what he deserves to be blamed for. She's not bloody Mata Hari for God's sake, and he's not a helpless child. He *can* prevent her, he just can't be arsed.
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Midnight good luck having Uncle rein in girl friends behavior. As long as he is getting his "needs" met he is not going to do anything. She is probably feeding him all kinds of c**p and right now he is not interested in finding out the truth. Bide your time and when and if the time is right nail her feet to the floor. Just make sure the nails are long enough. There is probably a financial gain involved here and she would like to get you out of the picture.
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True - never thought of that... uncle needs to take a stand against his girlfriend and not give her 'free range' of everything.

I did talk to a few lawyers ~ I have a case for slander and libel.
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The important thing is to get the APS enquiry squared away. Dealing next with uncle's girlfriend..

By the way, this really does interest me, in this context and others. Okay, meddling girlfriend, toxic intruder, grr, boo, hiss, I get it. But why blame her? - she just thinks she's "helping" her sorry boyfriend. Why aren't you blaming uncle for allowing her to stick her nose in??? It's like blaming the fleas when the dog brings them into the house...

... anyway. Turning next to the question of what uncle's g/f has been up to and what to do about it, for now feel free to make a wax doll and stick pins in it, or draft letters to lawyers, or whatever. Just anything so long as you don't actually go round there and punch her on the nose.
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Midnight, I'm not sure that a lawyer can help you with the APS thing. See, your name hasn't been besmirched. If there are no findings, and there clearly won't be, there is no tort.

Is evil girlfriend one of the heirs?

Are you being paid for caregiving? Do you work outside the home?

Perhaps it is time to set up a caregiving contract so that gram's money is being used to take care of her...paying YOU to do that.
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My friend is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She told God to let her live until she is at least 70 (before cancer)... She made it to 74 and she said God kept his promise, and she is content.....

People react differently when they get the BIG C....
Some are graceful, some are sour (dad , sorry dad... love you too ), and some take this time to tie up loose ends and make a joyous reunion and party with loved ones..... I like that....

In my defense, I think or hope I will go quietly if I get the BIG C.... Nobody will know.... :) Life goes on..... Keep it quiet and comfortable for my loved ones.....
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I just pray it is quick, painless, and in my sleep.....
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Anybody else questioning about the caring of a 95 year old... IT LITERALLY IS DAY BY DAY AT THIS AGE......Anything can happen at any time....

THESE BODIES ARE NOT MADE TO LAST FOREVER.....

AT THE END... SOMETHING IS GOING TO GET US....

DEATH IS NOT PREJUDICE..... SHE WILL INCLUDE US WHEN IT IS OUR TIME...

I am ready.......
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Let it be known, OLD PEOPLE DON'T BOUNCE BACK on their own.... My friend's aunt 95 just died due to the respritory infection going around.. Coughing for maybe a week, finally the daughter took her to dr... hospitalized, ICU, and done.... I took my mom in to get teeth cleaned. from the time I took her to the time I picked her up, she had a seizure. The ER DOCTOR Asked my WHY I was getting MOM's teeth cleaned at that age? I was being questioned for getting MOM's teeth cleaned..... darned if you do; darned if you don't......
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I wish I was handling this well.. my voice finally gave out (..but to be fair I also have sinus issues/allergies/asthma). Still fuming about everything from today. It's truly sickening as to how truly evil people can be... lawyer wise, I'm going to wait for now. For starters, need to get my voice back ~ secondly, going to wait until my name gets cleared before I start talking to lawyers. Shouldn't be that long since I've got nothing to hide.

In regards to uncle's girlfriend ~ I have a few theories... she's having money problems (again), looking to sell the house so she can pay off her debts; she thinks grandmom is made of money (...joke is on her ~ gran isn't made of money but her pension/ss is a good amount of chunk change (...since I pay the bills, do the food shopping, etc. my budgeting skills have improved grately - even at the end of the month I have at least $300 left) or she's just truly that rotten and wants me to suffer in any way possible.

When my name gets cleared - it's on... even in order to press charges, I need to be certain that she is the instigator (...confirm my suspicion) - can an elder lawyer be able to find out who made a false claim to APS?

Spoke to my aunt and uncle earlier (via group text) - told them what happened and what I'm being falsely accused of.. and that I will be speaking with a lawyer to go after the instigator...my aunt finally answered my text about ten minutes ago -- she's stunned...but said she's willing to help me (but I'll believe it when I see it). My uncle on the other hand -- he's been silent since last night ~ I even sent him a text to his work phone -- "I know who did this..." nope, no response. Even when I called him last night ~ asked if his girlfriend is behind this ~ he got very quiet and quickly hung up the phone.

But yes, I'll keep posting as this nightmare develops - and hopefully my experiences will benefit those in similar situations.
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Yes Barb, I am too. Is she speaking for her self needs and signing it as the uncle??
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Midnight, you are handling this so well!  Please keep posting here and let us know how it works out.   We care!

We also learn from each other. I hope you find an empathetic lawyer who can help you sort out this dreadful family situation, and that you can share what works.

I'm curious about why evil girlfriend wants gram in a NH? Does she think that is cheaper somehow than having gram at home?
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Good job Midnight!!! As you said, you have done the right things for your gran. Research online for elder law attorney in your area. I do believe this will blow over once all investigation is done. You have the paperwork from the discharges from the ER where they said nothing was wrong. Keep those papers. If your uncle wants to come visit, he knows where you live but leave the girlfriend at home.
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That's the important point, Midnight: you have done the right thing, and you have nothing to fear. Dig out that POA documentation as soon as you can, but even that doesn't alter the case.

I happen to know that in terms of mandated reporting, there are signals that can trigger a report. With children, for example, repeated trips to ER would do it; and because of circumstances that were absolutely not your fault (on the contrary, and you're already dealing with it) your grandmother will have registered as showing up three times in a row. If that was then added to by a complaint about isolation, or even an enquiry along the lines of "niece is doing such and such, is that legal," then APS would have to act on it.

This will all come out in the wash, as they say. Well done for working with them, and please keep in touch to let us know how it's going.

This is exactly what caregivers *don't* need. I'm so sorry for the added stress you're going through.
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Sadly this isn't a case closed detail... but judging by the questions asked, it's all due to uncle's mentally unstable girlfriend. Still writing a letter regarding the ER doctor - once APS is done. Case worker wanted prof of me being poa - I do have copies... but I'm tending to the accusations of medical neglect (...and was accused of keeping her from her family - another whopper of a lie). As much as I want to confront the liar; I'm going to bite my tongue. I know I've done the right thing (..and my friends have made it clear that they are in our corner) and have nothing to fear. I even invited the worker back to my home ~ im not the best housekeeper but my home is clean... and not to mind the fact I've got really bad allergies (...puffy eyes, etc) - if she doesn't mind that...come on by. Thank you all for your support - it means a lot to me. And it's one of the few things that is getting me thru each day.
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Update ---

I spoke to the case worker... among the highlights ~ I'm being accused of not getting grandmom any medical care (totally false); dental care (totally false); I opposed rehab (...what the heck ~ I was the one who first bought it up -- I didn't oppose it; I wanted it); etc - and the lies list continues on...

So yea, I'm dealing with an angry unstable 'family' member who is trying (again) to have grandmom put into a nursing home. She's not ready for nursing home care at this time... but if and when that day comes ~ she will be going..

Luckily I've lost my voice (combination of crying/talking to case workers/sinus issues/allergy season) --- but I am working on a plan of action ~ left a message with family doctor saying what went down earlier... the receptionist was quite disgusted and knew it was all lies. We (gran and I) are fairly regulars ~ regular check ups, etc. I always ask her doctor questions at each visit anyways.

Unrelated -- can anyone recommend a good lawyer in the South Jersey/PA area that specializes in elder care? After talking with the case worker - I don't feel safe anymore (...case worker did her job ~ and was amazed at the details I gave; right down to the tiniest detail. She made it clear she was doing her job * which I understand * and was appreciative that I was being open with her). I'm also open to any/all ideas and suggestions from y'all too.
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Midnight I would put my money on it being the first ER Dr who filed the report. He realized that he had not provided treatment when you turned up the second time so now he is protecting his butt and accusing you before you can report him.
There is no doubt that his treatment or rather lack of it of your grandmother was negligent.
You have two choices, one is to make a complaint to the head of that hospital, however they may go into denial mode to protect themselves against legal action. The second is to go to the State Medical Board and they will have to review the case. If you do that and they find you are correct they will take disciplinary action against that Dr. I would wait until you have the meeting with the primary Dr and let him advise you. He clearly realizes there has been wrongdoing.
It does not matter if someone is 93 or 3 they all have a right to proper diagnosis and treatment .
As far as grandmothers prognosis is concerned as someone mentioned C dif is difficult if not impossible to clear up and may shorten life but she is making such good progress I would be very hopeful.
This may turn into a bit of a hassle for you right now when you would just prefer to concentrate on Gma but think of it as a public service . You may be able to prevent this Dr from abusing other vulnerable people. Hugs
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Midnight...

APS are your friends. They have followed up concerns reported to them about a vulnerable elder. It could be meddling on someone's part, it could be someone who saw your grandmother's struggles to get into the house and misconstrued the situation, it could be some kind of automatic alert on the ER's IT systems.

But who cares? You *want* APS to do this anyway. The outcome will be that your care for your grandmother and your obvious understanding of her needs go on record, any baseless accusations are shown to be false, and any gaps in support that she and you are entitled to are acted on. It's official: this lady is taking excellent care of her grandmother.

Call them back and invite them over. You've nothing to worry about.
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You are right Barb about not caring who may have reported if that is what happened. My thoughts are if midnights uncle's gf reported it, it is only a call check. Nothing will come of it.

Midnight, yes call the number on the card, you are fine nothing is going to happen. (((Hugs)))!!!
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I don't think the OP was panicking until reading some of the responses.

APS works under different rules in different states. In my state, I know that you can call Child protective services and be guaranteed anonymity. Don't know about APS.

Call the person on the card and tell them Gma is in rehab. Would they prefer to visit her there or wait til she is home? I'd tell them about the three attempts it took to get Gma admitted to the hospital.

Personally, I wouldn't care who called. APS has a job to do, and let them get on with it.
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In agreement with SharynMarie!
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My mother was in facility care for Alzheimer's she fell breaking ribs and punctured her lung. Because she was admitted to the hospital a social worker was assigned to her case. At least I assume the reason was that. I believe with the elderly it is standard procedure to make sure the environment the elderly is living in is going to be able to supply the necessary care required for the elders condition once released from the hospital. Do not panic as I am sure APS left the card because you were not available at the hospital when the came the social worker came in to see your grandmother.
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There is not one perfect caregiver on this forum Midnight!
So you are in good company!
There are only 1-2 that think they are perfect, but we love and support them too!
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Midnight,
You seem to be panicking without enough information.
Have you ever heard that the word ASSUME makes an azz out of you and me? Slow down, try not to jump to conclusions. This can be sorted out, imo.

There will be some wonderful people on here in the morning, and they may be able to help you sort things out.
Will you be able to get some sleep? Caregivers often suffer lack of sleep
and may have a temporary sleep deprivation psychosis, which can cause one not to be thinking clearly. If that is the circumstances you find yourself in, call for help.
Will look forward to seeing you here again with your beautiful avatar, an eye, a heart, and a tear. It actually is midnight here....where are you from?
This forum is seen around the world! Thank you for reaching out to me on my wall. You hang in there tonight, okay?
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