My grandmother lives on the edge of a small college campus, she is an extrovert talks to everyone who passes (usually about herself) she came across a 38 year old man at the time who was attending this school who told her he is homeless, he moved in and it has been 4 years. she is now 92 he is 42 and she seems to have a bizarre liking for him. my parents have been there multiple times and told him he must leave as well as my siblings. this is because, he is 42, and through a background check he has been arrested for mulitiple times since 2011, for retail theft, public drunkeness and lewd acts in public most recently. My grandmother will not hand her checkbook over to my mother. her house is now in my mothers name, but we do not have enough money saved to put her in a home, which he refuses to leave her "beloved house" anyway. this man keeps crawling back to my grandmother and its a bizarre elder abuse situation. this guy has not had a job since he "moved" in, and has never paid one bill, never paid my grandmother any amount of rent, he has never even bought toilet paper. things have gotten worse for my grandmother, she is living in filth. (FYI she lives about 3 hours from my parents, and does not want to move to where my parents live)
one of the lucky things is that this man who is freeloading off my grandmother has signed a legal document stating that he must leave when we (my mother/father) ask him to leave. we have told him he must leave 2 weeks ago because she is unable to care for herself (she doesn't cook anymore stopped eating even if we fill her fridge up with simple foods) and the worst part of having to tell him he has one month to leave is now he STOLE my grandmothers car, to go to the drug store about a mile away (he also does not have a drivers license) and somehow completely totaled the car, leaving her without a car now. she is 92 we have told her she is not getting a new car. when my parents went to her house all he said is "sorry" "the brakes locked". i have never in my life come across a person like this. unfortunately my siblings and I are spread out all over the U.S. with lives and jobs.
well, after he crashed her car, he didn't even tell her until she wen to the garage and it was not there. he is EXTREMELY shady, and we have all told my grandmother to get rid of him, but because of her fear of being alone (even though we have told her multiple times we will pay someone to come there, 4-5 hours a day to help her clean, eat, talk to her, bath her etc) she will just not let this guy go. No one thinks their "relations" have gone intimate, but she just has this strange liking to him. she also bailed him out of jail, after he was caught in the park doing "lewd acts". when we ask her, how did you know he was in jail, or did you get a letter in the mail? or did he ask you to come there and pay? she claims she can't remember. she is loosing her short term memory, she never remember what she eats but she talks about how she just ate. things are just not connecting, and i am not sure how to proceed, we are awaiting this homeless man to leave her house, but my family is scared he will just never go, and he will lurk back and talk his way with her into staying.
he also "hears voices" and can't sleep at night, so instead he sleeps all day, (according to my grandmother)
lastly, I recently drove her home with my mother after the holiday this week. we went in her house, and he never appeared, but he has taken over the entire 2 bedrooms upstairs, while she is content sleeping in the basement, as she always has. i stormed upstairs, and he is sleeping at 2pm, and she seemed oddly relieved he didn't leave yet. i was looking for photo albums but also snooping. i don't even care i stormed up right into the room. it smells of cigarettes and there are beers, its disgusting, and please understand that every time we try and talk sense into my grandmother, she gets VERY defensive about her life, and does not want us telling him or her who can be there, and she should be living in the upstairs, and etc etc. she is also in denial about her house smelling of urine. her dog seems to urinate on all the furniture and carpet in the living area. I can not be in the house too long because not only am I disgusted but I can't breathe. When my mother and I have tried cleaning she gets "offended" and thinks her house is clean. We, and other friends have told her we will get in a new carpet, professional cleaning system, and she gets angry and says she loves her carpet and its fine and perfect.
If anyone has any insight on this extremely complicated and unbelievable issue, please any advice if you have ever dealt with an extremely stubborn elder who is loosing their mind, attached to the wrong people because she thinks she is "helping them" but they are just using her!!! I am losing my mind. we can't seem to tell her what to do, and after all this, her physical health is just fine!

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As long as grandma lives alone in the house - even with part time helpers - chances are good that barring getting this guy locked up in jail for a couple of years - arrested isn't good enough as granny has become his personal bondsman- chances are good he will boomerang right back into his two room suite. Moving grandmother into assisted living or something along that line - is your only real hope of getting rid of this guy. So - either a relative or fulltime caregiver moves in with grandma or you get grandma moved out and sell the house. Even with selling the house you'll likely need to follow legal eviction procedures- after residence was "allowed" for four years - regardless of whatever papers he signed. But again - no matter what route you take unless you get grandmothers cooperation - which doesn't sound likely - you're gonna need guardianship to make things happen. Since this has been allowed to go on for four years, this problem does not have an easy fix that will happen quickly.
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Sunny raises a point I missed. Contact Experian, which will contact Equifax and Transunion, and have 90 day fraud alerts put on her credit files. You can't get a longer alert unless you have documented proof of fraud (I've been down this road before), but you can renew the 90 day alerts quarterly.

This will prevent potential card and other credit card issuers from issuing new cards to him if he applies in her name. When you create the initial alert, you might have to talk to someone to explain the discrepancy between using her address and yours (which I'd advise so you can get an annual free report to check any changes.) You can also get reports more often for a nominal cost.

Another thought when you get a POA or DPOA is to file a change of address with the post office so her mail comes to you.
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If she has dementia, she's likely fine with the way things are and trying to convince her otherwise is a waste of time. She simply is not able to reason or use good judgment. She's not being stubborn. I'd read a lot about dementia to see how people act and react. It might save you a lot of frustration to understand why she's making such poor choices.

She literally may be incapable of using that part of the brain that is required to see what is going on. That's why she could be taken advantage of financially. That would be my biggest concern. If she has limited resources in her bank account, then, I suppose that is the most she could lose OR he could convince her to take out a credit card in her name and then use it for his own benefit. You never know, but, since it's been 4 years, if nothing terrible has happened, maybe, he knows a good deal and he's just staying put and not rocking the boat.

I think that I would get a legal consult to find out what rights you have in the Guardianship area, if you choose to go that route. I'd also inquire about eviction and how that is handled. Even though he signed a waiver of rights, it could be contested. So, I'd find out the legal way to handle it.

I would get the dog out somehow. It doesn't sound like it's getting proper care. If mother owns the house, as landlord she can say no pets.

And if your mother owns the house, then she could technically evict grandmother and her tenant. It sounds bad, but, this could force grandmother to move into a place where she can be properly cared for, like Independent Living or AL. I'd check to see what level of care she really needs.
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Sorry about the misnumbering in the last paragraph; I had added a few more while proofing and forgot to correct the last no.
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Wow, what a terrible situation for you and your family!

First things I thought of:

1. This guy has a criminal record; search the CA department of corrections website and find out if he's on parole, who his parole officer is, and contact him or her. Parole officers can work with citizens to help get a parolee out of the picture by violating parole, probably resulting in his temporary incarceration. A parole violation hearing would follow.

2. His taking of the auto w/o permission might not be theft or larceny under CA statutes, but a lesser charge. In Michigan there's a similar charge, something taking an auto w/o permission, "unlawful taking of an auto", something like that. I don't recall all the details.

Contact the local PD and ask about this. If he is on parole, this would probably be a parole violation.

3. You might also ask about filing an MDOP - Malicious Destruction of Property, for crashing the auto, although I believe that intent might be a factor in proving that charge.

4. You could consult a litigation attorney about filing a small claims suit to recover costs of the auto. Even if he doesn't have any money, it would harass him, although it could backfire if he hits your GM up for the funds. I assume the insurance has been cancelled? Is anyone suing him for damages to property he smashed in the accident?

5. Since he apparently was arrested on indecency charges, find out if he's subject to a preliminary hearing, parole violation charges, and what's the possibility of getting him incarcerated until trial on these charges. I haven't done any criminal legal work in decades but I have some vague recollection of accumulated indecency charges being aggregated for higher and more serious criminal charges.

6. He apparently is continuing to engage in illegal activity; focus on this b/c you'll have the resources of the criminal justice system to provide assistance.

7. Ask the PD about getting a restraining order against him.

I assume no one is proxy under a POA or DPOA, so getting that authority given her intransigent position on help might be difficult. I'm not one to easily suggest guardianship, but it might be required. It would be easier if you got a doctor to attest to her dementia. Others have more experience on this and can advise you better on this aspect. It might also be possible for APS to act on her behalf (see no. 9 below.)

8. You might contact the university where he claims to be a student and find out if he's been making misrepresentations that involve them. I don't know if this would rise to a criminal level, but it is fraudulent to represent that he is a student when he's not.

9. You might have to contact APS (Adult Protective Services) to address the house situation. They could force a cleanup, and they might also have suggestions on the freeloader. A house that reeks of urine is unsafe and unhealthy for anyone, and that could be the grounds on which they insist on a cleanup. And an elderly person sleeping in the basement is hardly safe or wise, even if it is a finished basement.

10. That raises another issue of basement dwelling. Is there egress available, compliant with local building codes? If a basement is being used for living purposes, that egress has to be available. Your GM could be cited with a code violation and be forced to move upstairs and put Mr. Stink in the basement.

6. For the time being, I wouldn't raise the issue of Mr. Stink (to borrow from a recent movie I watched), but I would get the family together on plans, assign tasks to each member, and work silently in the background by making the contacts I suggested, and do it ASAP, as in call the PD now.
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Seems to me you've got two choices. Either leave it alone and learn to accept the situation or file for guardianship of your grandmother. Neither will be easy.
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Well, that man isn't going to leave, why should he when he is getting free room and board. And he can do what he wants. The first red flag was when he told your grandmother that he was attending the college but was homeless.

If Grandmother sells the house, hopefully the equity in the house could help pay for Assisted Living for a little while, then have Grandmother apply for State Medicaid. Medicaid will offer to pay for continuing care in a facility... it all depends on what Grandmother's mental and physical heath. Sounds like she is on her journey into Alzheimer's/Dementia.

Yes, Grandmother has the fear of being alone, which is common, so she will cling to this man for her own piece of mind. See an attorney, have the attorney pen a letter to the roommate saying what needs to be done by a certain date. Take Grandmother out the picture immediately for her own safety by having her live with one of the relatives for a month or so. The roommate won't be able to sweet talk the attorney.
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