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The more I've been thinking, I'm starting to convince myself that my brother intentionally overdosed my grandma so let me lay out my theory
In mid October, my sister in law told my grandma that she thinks my job in NY will be ending soon and I'll be back to take her home. My mom and brother heard this. Around Halloween, she called me for 3 days straight to guilt me into paying off the home equity loan under the pretense that it's for my own benefit since when I'd get the house, it'd be due anyway so I could save interest. Each time, I said no and by the third day she seemed more panicky asking me like I had to say yes (bc the junkies she gave the home to didn't want to pay it) My theory is that they illegally used their invalid POA (she wasn't incompetent and the APS worker previously told them those papers mean nothing until she is) to get her in hospice bc they feared I was coming soon and once she went home their game would unravel. No one was informed that she was on hospice despite having 3 other grandsons (and their families) living within 5 miles. There was also no remarkable health decline nor did she ever express that she was ready to go. So why go on hospice right before the holidays and why is it a secret? The first week of November, my mom leaves for Florida and planned to stay until after New Years. Who leaves their mother in their home on hospice to go on a 2 month vacation? My grandma died overnight 11/28-29 but she needed restroom assistance and one of the main complaints they had was that she would wake them up a lot to pee but now she doesn't for 11 hours? I suspect that my brother may have overdosed her bc my physician uncle was coming to visit from St. Louis and he would have noticed her Meds were gone and find out about hospice. Also, for the last month she would always seem to be talking in code or like my brother was listening.
I feel like I should report this to the police bc they never came to the home after death, just hospice. I thought maybe they could get toxicology before she's buried. But I don't even know if it sounds too far fetched and they will ignore it. There's just too many strange things to dismiss and when linked, imo form a story that deserves to be looked into. On the "bright" side, the police know my brother is a druggie and violent so it's not like I'm accusing an upstanding citizen but I would hate to be wrong and inflict pain on him. However, my gut is pinging and if I'm going to present my suspicions, it's tomorrow or never. What would you do if you're only using the evidence/presumptions I stated. And please disregard telling me that she was 96 and in poor health. I totally agree and I know this day was nearing one way or another but I also think it's a good way to get away with something like this bc it's not unexpected.
I need advice

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Hannah, didn't you say that the will was changed months ago? So was granny begging you to pay the HELOC after she'd already ledt the house to your brother?

Is your brother capable of murder?

If you think he is, I'd contact the DAs office. One side benefit, IF your brother gets wind of the fact that the DA os going to take the body back to morgue for a post mortem toxicology screen, he'll have her buried so fast it'll make your head spin

My advice? If you want to stay sane? You come from a family of grifters. Turn your back and walk away. BE the snobby relative they all talk about. Don't look back and cut your losses.
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I can't do much about the suspicions bc everything was pretty well thought out. However, the lawyer thinks I have a good undue influence re the will so I think the estate lawyer is going to suggest mediation (which I prefer) to keep costs down. Hopefully, I can get my 50% and use the other money I have to buy a house far away from them. The other good thing about mediation is maybe I can get answers out of them in front of people that might support my suspicions bc detective said he'd need some proof that they intentionally sped up her death. My real hope is to get justice for my gma.
Go on with my life so my family doesn't turn on me? It's ok bc she was 96? Those are some weak justifications. You should read about the levels of moral reasoning bc that is a low level. Justice is more important than caring if someone likes me. I loved my gma and maybe 96 is a good age for you to be ok with being put to sleep but it's not ok with me. As long as I'm doing everything properly, like contacting the right people and looking into things maturely and not harassing or accusing my mom or brother, acting crazy or manipulating evidence to fit, etc then I'm doing the right thing.
I'll return in a month with an update. Take care all.
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hannahhonee73, when it comes to elders, their health can change overnight.

That happened with my Dad, he was sent to the hospital found to have had aspiration pneumonia, he was placed on Hospice the very same day and was on Hospice only a week. This was all so sudden, he was sitting in his recliner, joking with the Assisted Living staff, and the next morning he had passed.

As for your Mom, Hannah, maybe she was under the impression that her Mom still had plenty of time, so she went on his vacation. She might not have understood how grave this situation was or was in denial.

Ask Hospice how much morphine do they leave at a patients home for a relative to give to the patient? Normally morphine is 5 to 15 mg per dosage. It would take 200mg or more to force someone to pass.

Go with your gut feeling on this case. It could be a lot of coincidentals or something quite wrong. Do what you need to do to get closer.
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First, please accept my condolences on your loss of your grandmother; I'm very sorry and it must be especially sad to be having the fears and suspicions you are having. Second, MY "gut" reaction is for YOU to trust your gut. So, verify or you will always fret about this. Apparently you've had other posts but I haven't read them and I don't think I'm clear enough on what happened to give the best advice -- for example, who is the "she" in "she called me" to pay off the loan...your grandmother or your sister-in-law? Who benefits from your grandmother's death and in what way? Does your brother get the house? If so, why would anyone think YOU would be interested in paying off the home equity loan??? Also, POA would not necessarily have been needed to get Grandma into hospice -- she might have been able to make those arrangements herself; ask hospice. In fact, ask hospice everything and, hopefully, they can tell you without violating HIPPA or some other law. Most hospice organizations are wonderful, but there are some that are not. However, I have a hard time believing that any hospice caregiver could not have told the difference between an overdose and the natural death that was evidently expected. So, hopefully, your suspicions are unfounded but I think you will grieve more easily if you get some more information. And then, with BarbBrooklyn I would encourage you to run, not walk, away from these family members and focus on the people who you respect and who bring happiness to your life. Blessings, Lolli
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Hannah, seems like a lot happened without your knowledge. I hope you can get to the bottom of this.

Even if your brother stalled hours before calling Hospice when your grandmother had passed, the doctor or nurse practitioner who comes to the house to officially pronounce a person has died, as you probably already know they can pretty much tell at what time death happened, there is no hiding that.

Hannah, many of us have been on the Aging Care forum for years, and we can only go by what the original writer tells us. Thus we ask a lot of questions. And only your answers can help guide us to better answers. Sorry if you felt that the writers were under the impression that you weren't familiar with Hospice, again we can only gauge from what you had written.

There might be others who are going through something similar as you so some of us will educate as we go along to help those who are reading get a better understanding.

Keep us up-to-date with your findings, we all would be curious to find out the outcome.
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As I've been reading this thread I can see you getting more and more (righteously) angry. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Don't let it consume you, maybe take a mental health break for 24 hours and let things proceed without you. ((hugs))
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Acceptance to hospice is sometimes kept secret. My twisted sisters had mom evaluated and accepted. I found out by mistake. Very dysfunctional families do some very strange things.
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Glad you came back Hannah to update us. i think you are doing the right thing in putting as much distance as possible between yourself and this craziness and hope you get justice one day.
i don't think anyone meant that it is OK to hasten someone's death but just that it simply may have been her time to go.
Mediation sounds like an excellent idea. Do yu think that brother will agree to that? We will look forward to your next update.
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You have hit some nerves. It is not about money, family, etc. It is about advocating for your beloved grandmother. As you suspected, fraud is being uncovered. Stay with your lawyer's advice. The other side is nervous and certainly does not have your best interests at heart. Let them twist in the wind. As mom's lawyer would say "Make them roll over."
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hannahhonee ~ If there are no consequences for unconscionable behavior - who will be next? I completely agree with your position and hope it results in justice.
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