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This sounds a bit ridiculous, but I promise I'm not making any of it up. My grandma has early Alzheimer's, but her condition is rapidly diminishing. She currently lives with my grandpa, but the living conditions are atrocious. She is forced to sit in a recliner all day in the living room, but she has become so weak that she never leaves her chair. Moreover, my grandpa is not taking care of her at all. His form of care involves letting her sit in a recliner all day with nothing to do except watch tv. He feeds her by picking up McDonald's or KFC once a day. My mom is able to make it over every other day or so, but she finds my grandma sitting in her own waste, so she has to be cleaned up. At night, it's impossible for my grandma to make it up the stairs, so she has a makeshift bed my grandpa has on the nearby couch, so she literally is never able to leave the living room.

What's even worse is that my grandpa hired a caretaker, but she has become his girlfriend and no longer takes care of my grandma. In fact, they go out dancing while my grandma is confined to her living room prison. She just looks miserable being forced to live in these conditions while my Grandpa does not take care of her. It's evident that she needs to be in a nursing home, which my mom has been trying to do. However, my mom says that my grandpa is refusing to omit her because of money, even though they have enough.

Is there something we can do through the law, based on how horrible the conditions are for my grandma? No one should ever have to sit in there own waste. My mom and I don't know what to do because my grandpa refuses to have her placed. My mom said she was able to get a social worker, but apparently my grandpa forced my grandma to say everything was okay, and supposedly the social worker said we can't submit my grandma to a nursing home unless my grandpa complies. At this point we're not sure what other options we have.

Thanks!
Mike

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If your mother finds your grandmother sitting in her own faeces, one thing she could do is call the aide's employers, then and there, at that moment, and report the neglect to them.

What does your mother say your grandfather has to say for himself? How is she going about confronting him? Would you be able to accompany her for back up?
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Call APS and voice your concerns.
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Just to clarify my suggestion that reporting to APS be anonymous....in our situation, the caregiver was a daughter who had multiple mental problems, including denying her own sister and her uncle access to visit. She had literally cut off access to her mother from everyone she couldn't manipulate and control.

If she knew we were the ones who referred her, she would refuse to allow my father to visit his sister. It was for his protection as well as that of his sane niece that we concealed our identity.

I do think though that Eyeirishlass makes a good point about documenting concern about your GM.
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Yup. APS is your best choice at this point. But don't do it anonymously. Go on record as having called them because you're concerned about your grandmother.
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reach out to APS, there should be physical evidence of sitting in waste....that supports the argument that he is unable to care for her. no sense her learning that gramps is making a fool of himself with the caregiver.
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P.S. I don't think the social worker's position is accurate. If your grandmother's health is at risk, legal authorities can override your grandfather's resistance and take action on their own.

I worked for the Probate/Juvenile Court decades ago; both neglect and delinquency cases were handled. In the neglect cases, children were removed from unsafe and/or deplorable living conditions, whether the parents agreed or not. Probate also had jurisdiction over adults and could remove them and place them in mental facilities. I don't recall whether or not any cases were of elder abuse - this was back in the mid 1960's when I worked there.
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Do you know if there's an elder law abuse agency in your county? If so, you could contact them anonymously - send something in writing and mail it from a different community so your grandparents won't suspect it's from you. Or e-mail them from a library or public computer.

Don't be specific enough for your grandfather to know that it's from a family member, but cite conditions sufficient to alert the elder abuse staff that there's a problem.

From what you describe of the lack of cleanliness and nutrition, there is a situation that would require immediate removal of your grandmother to a safer environment.

The Probate Court for your county may also intervene. In my area, the PC does have jurisdiction over such situations, but would need a referral or some justification to investigation. There clearly is a case for neglect.

An elder abuse organization may or may not intervene; I've only had one experience with such an agency in Michigan and it was a wasted effort as they believed the deceitful caregiver and didn't bother to do an investigation because the person in question was "close to dying" (she lived another few months in horrible conditions).

You could also call (a) the local police department to ask what your options are, or (b) 911 when your grandfather is out of the house, but I don't know if the EMTs would consider the situation an emergency to justify removal of your grandmother and placement in a hospital. Ideally your grandmother could be hospitalized for the minimum time to be placed in a skilled nursing facility and have her stay covered by Medicare, but you still have to deal with the long-term issues of abuse and neglect.

A possibility is contacting the Alzheimer's Assn. or the Area Agency on Aging for advice and referral to appropriate legal agencies, but I'm not sure they could do anything except provide referrals.

I think the police and/or elder abuse agencies would be the best to take action and remove your grandmother from the home.

The county public health department might be another source to contact. If they determine the living conditions are unsafe, they can take legal action to override any objections your grandfather might have, as the safety of your grandmother is at stake.

Good luck; this sounds like a really bad situation.
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I wonder what grandma would say if she knew her husband has a girlfriend. That just may be the ticket to get her to move.
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