Grandma is showing signs of dementia but refuses assessment. I'm unsure how to care for her and proceed?

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My grandma is 82, is living alone and has been showing signs of memory and dementia for at least 2 years now. Her husband and children have all passed away already so my cousin and myself are trying to handle things. I have been bringing the mind issues up to her doctor for the past couple of years and all that has come of it thus far was him asking her a year ago if she was willing to be assessed for her mind and memory. She attributes all memory issues to old age and declined the assessment.
We felt she was no longer safe behind the wheels as her cognition has been going downhill. Turns out in my state you can write the DMV a letter reporting someone as a at risk driver. Did that, they scheduled an assessment for her. Someone else had to driver her as she doesn't know how to get to the facility alone. The DMV determined she needed to retake the written and behind the wheel tests. She didn't want to do that so she decided to turn her license in. She has since forgotten all of this and is convinced she still has her license (clipped but in her wallet). The DMV sent her a letter and state ID informing her that she can no longer drive. She "accidentally" shredded the letter and doesn't remember receiving it anymore.
She regularly complains to my cousin and myself that she has no one, that no one calls her or visits her, no one cares about her or called her when she was sick (but can't give a timeline from when she was sick). I've sat with her at the clinic cafe with her as she's complained to acquaintances that she has no one... as I am sitting next to her on my day off work.
Basically, she needs to move into a retirement community/assisted living. My cousin and I can only do so much. I live over an hour away and work full time. There is only so much that I can do physically to help her. We've discussed her moving but she has no interest. She doesn't want to part with any of her things, doesn't want to sell her house. She complains about being so lonely but doesn't want to be around people in a retirement community.
I honestly don't know how to help her or how to proceed. In terms of power of attorney, I have it. But since she is still able to make decisions for herself I can't exactly sign her up for a room and drop her off without her consent. As mentioned before, I've been trying to involve her doctor for a couple of years now and that has gone nowhere. I'm just at my wits end and want to run away, throw in the towel. Has anyone gone through something similar? What worked for you? How did you get past these hurdles?

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Idaho just as a point of order no you can not "get" power of attorney "over" another person, not for any reason, not ever. Power of attorney can only be freely GIVEN by a person of sound mind choosing to make an informed decision to grant it. Which, in fact, the OP's grandmother has already done. Guardianship of a person at risk can be applied for and awarded by a judge, but that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish.

Astanoch I've nothing to add to Jeanne's excellent advice except praise and sympathy. I hope you and your cousin will find a good way forward soon.
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astanoch, do you have both healthcare and financial power of attorney? It is the healthcare one that gives you the authority to be in charge of where she lives. But, as you say, that may not "kick in" yet if she is able to make her own decisions. And it doesn't sound like her doctor will give you much support. Would it be possible to switch to a geriatrician? Could you make an excuse like change in insurance to get her there? Both of you would probably get more support.

She doesn't want to move. What is her financial situation? Could she afford enough paid help to keep her safely in her home until her dementia progresses so you could activate the Healthcare POA?

She cannot drive safely. You've handled that problem, legally at least. (Does she have access to a car?) In what other ways is she unsafe to live on her own? Does she forget to turn the stove off? Leave water running? Does she have moldy food in her fridge? Has she ever left the house and not been able to find her own way back? Think of specific examples that concern you. Talk to the Area Agency on Aging in her district.

She is lucky to have such caring and willing grandkids! This is such a frustrating position you are in. All you want is what is best for her and she is resisting you. And she may be in that in-between state where she can't fully function on her own, but her limitations aren't quite severe enough to enable you to activate your POA authority.

Keep doing the best you can!
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You can get "Power of Attorney" over everything with her condition at the stage it is in for her safety. Retain an Elder Care Lawyer or go in for a free consultation about getting Power Of Attorney. You can then force her to go to a care center for her own protection with the Power of Attorney or call Elder Care Protective Services. She is starting to become a danger to her ownself, so do what you need to do for her sake.
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