My grandma is 82, is living alone and has been showing signs of memory and dementia for at least 2 years now. Her husband and children have all passed away already so my cousin and myself are trying to handle things. I have been bringing the mind issues up to her doctor for the past couple of years and all that has come of it thus far was him asking her a year ago if she was willing to be assessed for her mind and memory. She attributes all memory issues to old age and declined the assessment.
We felt she was no longer safe behind the wheels as her cognition has been going downhill. Turns out in my state you can write the DMV a letter reporting someone as a at risk driver. Did that, they scheduled an assessment for her. Someone else had to driver her as she doesn't know how to get to the facility alone. The DMV determined she needed to retake the written and behind the wheel tests. She didn't want to do that so she decided to turn her license in. She has since forgotten all of this and is convinced she still has her license (clipped but in her wallet). The DMV sent her a letter and state ID informing her that she can no longer drive. She "accidentally" shredded the letter and doesn't remember receiving it anymore.
She regularly complains to my cousin and myself that she has no one, that no one calls her or visits her, no one cares about her or called her when she was sick (but can't give a timeline from when she was sick). I've sat with her at the clinic cafe with her as she's complained to acquaintances that she has no one... as I am sitting next to her on my day off work.
Basically, she needs to move into a retirement community/assisted living. My cousin and I can only do so much. I live over an hour away and work full time. There is only so much that I can do physically to help her. We've discussed her moving but she has no interest. She doesn't want to part with any of her things, doesn't want to sell her house. She complains about being so lonely but doesn't want to be around people in a retirement community.
I honestly don't know how to help her or how to proceed. In terms of power of attorney, I have it. But since she is still able to make decisions for herself I can't exactly sign her up for a room and drop her off without her consent. As mentioned before, I've been trying to involve her doctor for a couple of years now and that has gone nowhere. I'm just at my wits end and want to run away, throw in the towel. Has anyone gone through something similar? What worked for you? How did you get past these hurdles?