Hi. New here.
I have a very old grandma who has dementia. I do not know how long she's had this and forgot how long she has been living with us. Forgot her age too but should be in her 80's, maybe older.
Problems: language barrier, moaning/whining/noises, victim mentality (hitting but mostly scratching as well as yelling), refusing to eat, running away from home.
> I have tried to pick up a few words that my parents use when talking to her although I am more American and she knows no English but it is still hard for me to converse with her. Although I do understand most of what she is saying.
> I try to question why she's crying all of the time or console her, but she doesn't care (and continues crying/complaining). I corrected her behavior today (she was saying "I can't see I can't see) but I was telling her "If you can't see then how are you able to look at me in my eyes when I am talking?" Also, she grabbed a water bottle while repeating that so I said, "If you cannot see, then how were you able to pick up that water bottle?" She then raised her voice and lashed at me. I just thought it was ironic that she got upset and then pretended to not see, by tapping around where the water bottle was and repeating she couldn't see.
>> I've done some research and I realized that correcting behavior is wrong so I will refrain from doing so, but she doesn't let me console her. I've tried back-rubs and questioning but she continues crying.
> I am training her to use the bathroom more, and she has been, but she doesn't sit properly (she sits angled to the right, or the door, instead of straight, which can lead to pee on the floor or poop on the seat) on the toilet?
> I have been feeding her (like a baby) so she eats and gets her nutrients in. Although she tends to do well (eating by herself) if the food is Chinese.
> We let her out on the porch because she tends to get loud, also so she isn't confined, but I don't want her to bother the neighbors.
TLDR; she's driving my family crazy but keep her around for financial purposes (my parents are super insistent on this even though they're driven the most crazy but also because my older two siblings who live with me go to pretty expensive colleges). I just want some advice to help keep myself and my family sane.
I wish you luck. Grandma is very fortunate to have you looking after her.
Have you done any reading about dementia?
It is quite good to let elders eat by themselves if they are able to do so. You cause them to become quite dependent on you if you take over, and they tend to lose skills.
You will find many topics above on the time line under Care Topic. You will find a lot of good information just reading the topics.
Your questions will be addressed more readily if they are specific.