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My Grandfather is 89. He fell on July 10th and refused to go to the hospital. He has gone downhill steadily since then. Refuses medications. Has taken to bed and only gets up with assistance to use the restroom. He eats a bite or two of food once every 3 or 4 days. He'll only drink tea or water. Maybe 6 to 8 oz a day. He became incontinent of bowels but has not needed to go in two weeks. He sleeps about 20 to 22 hours per days. He can talk but expresses a desire to die. Says he is in no pain. Wants to stay home with my husband and myself although he's become demanding of me and degrading. It's hard to know what to expect.

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Bruce, are you aware that hospice can be provided in the home? Everyone could benefit from their involvement at this point.
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If calls have been made to his Dr's (although I would demand response), I don't see why you cannot let him be, and die of his own accord.

Of course this means that you will be doing a sort of Hospice all on your own. I'm currently doing Hospice care for my 87 year old FIL in my home, and thank God for their support!

If he is eating and drinking very little, I don't imagine it will be too long, but then again the body's will to live can be very strong, depending on the person! I expect that he will soon fall into a coma like state, as his systems shut down. Then he will let go. I'm so sorry.

I wish you much success in helping your FIL to pass on, as it truly sounds like that is his desire. I know how hard this is! Bless you and your husband during this very trying time!

Still, I would keep on trying for Any support that you can get, try Medicare, your local Area on Aging, Senior Support! Keep at his Family Dr too! You might need Some help in this journey, Good luck and God speed! Don't forget to take care of you!
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I think I would be concerned that you may run into some trouble if he dies at home without the proper paperwork in place. Surely you aren't the only person in your area facing this, perhaps your nearest hospital can point you in the right direction.
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He wants to stay home so we just can't break his heart. He is letting us tend to his basic needs today. Actually asked for oatmeal with brown sugar and ate about 6 bites. He is not oriented to place or time any longer. Confusion is far more pronounced today. I'm just trying to give comfort and love. He stopped being belligerent today finally. We just hope he is truly feeling peace now. He seems more comfortable, so to speak this morning.
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I'm wondering if the hospitals in your area have a section for hospice. That was what I learned several years ago, that there a few rooms in our particular hospital that are reserved for hospice patients.
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Have you tried locating a hospice provider using the search feature on this site? I would call the Hospice organizations myself, given what is going on.
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I did get hospice ordered by his doctor two weeks ago. Apparently, they don't find it easy to find an agency in our area. I gave them a name but was called back and told they no longer come here. I called both the PCP and cardiologist multiple times with no return calls or claims of confusion. I finally just gave up and we're trying to do the best we can ourselves. I was an RN and in senior care however this is much different.
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The only help I can offer is to call in Hospice. They will assess him and their Dr will prescribe medications that he needs if any. Respect his desire to die . Take the attitude of "We love you Dad and will miss you greatly when you are gone but understand that you are tired and want an end to this life. If you can keep him at home try and do that as that is where he feels safest. It is not going to be a long haul for you.
If you are finding the personal care difficult think about hiring help to come in and do the bathing etc. If Hospice comes in they will provide an aide several times a week. They will also provide support and encouragement for you.
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I suggest bringing hospice in for an evaluation. Even if Grandfather refuses to have them help, they can help you to understand what to expect.
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