My grandfather (76) is being scammed by a gold digger (74). Any advice?

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After one month of knowing her, they will be married soon. On Dec. 10, my grandfather met a woman on a senior dating website. My grandfather was married to my grandmother for 53 years until she died in March 2012. So he was single for under two years before meeting this woman.

He is 76, she is 74. After only knowing her for two weeks, she was in his house and rearranging everything: making him buy new furniture, removing pictures of his dead wife, and telling him what to buy for the house. One week after this, she had him buy cruise tickets for a big trip to the Caribbean. It is not a cheap cruise; he spent well over $10,000 on this trip.

Now that she has this cruise set up, we suspect that she will marry my grandfather while on the cruise in order to get legal claim to his estate. My grandfather is quite wealthy, and has a lot to steal.

We know that this woman is a scam artist and a gold digger because we made contact with the family of her ex-husband who is now dead. She has been married 5 times in the last 20 years. It is plainly obvious just from that that she marries men for their money. But the family of her ex-husband had many terrible and revealing things to say about this woman my grandfather has met: she took millions in pension and retirement, took everything from the family home, and dispersed a paltry $6,000 to his five living children.

But even more horrible: when her husband died, she did NOT tell the family. She did not tell them he was dead, she did not inform them about the funeral whatsoever, and she had him cremated against his wishes. After she did this, she sold the family burial plot in New York that had been in the family for literally 150 years.

It is plainly obvious that this woman is a skilled liar and manipulator. She is preying upon my elderly grandfather who is lonely and has no one to spend his money or time with. The family of her ex-husband informed us that this woman lies about everything: her credentials, her education, her jobs and work experience, even her religious denomination. They have informed us that she has willingly and readily torn families apart and actively isolates her victims from their family in order to get her hands on the money.

We have contacted Adult Protective Services and they have told us that there is nothing they can do without a police report or any reasonable suspicion of abuse, neglect or exploitation. VERY CLEARLY there is financial exploitation and financial elder abuse going on, but it does not meet the legal criteria of exploitation thus far.

Even more frustrating is that my grandfather has a sound mind. He does not have dementia, is not a doddering fool, and is generally in his right mind. Now, he does drink every night, but alcohol use is not enough for APS to do anything. This woman he has met is also a drinker and we fear that she is using alcohol to make my grandfather pliant and flexible in giving her financial information.

We contacted law enforcement and they told us that they cannot do anything because no law has been broken.

Now, I understand that my grandfather can spend his money as he chooses, but she has emotionally manipulated my grandfather into thinking that she is the perfect woman for him, and she is setting up this relationship to get his money, pure and simple. We fear that she will become abusive and increasingly isolate my grandfather from us. The family of her ex-husband has indicated that their father died under suspicious circumstances, not considering her failure to inform the family of the death and her cremating him against his wishes.

How can we handle this situation? Law enforcement and the government won't do anything. My uncle has Power of Attorney, but proving dementia and gaining conservatorship seems like a fat chance. Any help, any guidance, any advice on how to get this woman AWAY from my grandfather and out of this family is so very greatly appreciated. Should we contact an estate planning lawyer or an elder abuse lawyer?

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Original Poster - how did this story end? We are in the exact same position with my grandfather. He and his gold digger just secretly wed last month so we feel somewhat defeated. And when our grandfather dies, I doubt she'll tell anyone in the family.
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"She is preying upon my elderly grandfather who is lonely and has no one to spend his money or time with. "
" We fear that she will become abusive and increasingly isolate my grandfather from us."

Why not have Grandpa move in with you all so that he feels part of a family again?
I feel it is abusive of his family to allow Grandpa to have been living alone for two years. Then when he dies, his inheritance goes to his kin who didn't even take him into their home in his last years.
"VERY CLEARLY there is financial exploitation and financial elder abuse going on, but it does not meet the legal criteria of exploitation thus far."
I say let him go have a great wild time but discuss budgets.

Well, here is another way to look at it... Granpa has all these children, and probably grandchildren,,, So, how is he lonely?
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I agree with countrymouse... don't piss him off- let him know about living trust and that he has control over who what and when- but I still think the family needs to let this lady know they are on to her.
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So far, all you have is rumor and hearsay. You have the POA do a complete background check, a legitimate one and see what that uncovers. If Grandpa needs a Guardian, IF the court finds he is legally incompetent, you get the court order. No other way.
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The POA uncle and the writer of the question, perhaps others should visit with Dad without girlfriend present. They should inform him of what you have found out. Tell him you love him and don't want him to make a bad decision. Maybe like an intervention. When I was a teenager, I thought I had found Mr. Wonderful. My mother sat me down and talked to me about him, trying to convince me not to marry him. I listened to her and I am glad I did. Now he is a registered sex offender.
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self determination . thats what matters to a judge where seniors are involved . i hope the laws become even more clear in the next few years . my sons are half my age and its a chronological fact that they will NEVER be smarter than i am . i watched my mother lose her mind entirely and then her life and at no time did i ever feel like i had the right to tell her what was best for her .
my aunt is being held against her will at a nh right now because her poa has decided that edna shouldnt go on day trips with me anymore . my aunt is a hundred times more intelligent than her cow daughter and this travesty will not float come springtime .
no one will ever be my poa . " springing " poa maybe . that means they have control of my finances when im incapacitated . they retain that control until i " spring " back outta bed and cut em from ear to ear .
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I really wouldn't alert this lady to the existence of a valid POA. Not while the grandfather has capacity, and is therefore able to amend it. Or not unless you want her getting her hands on that, too.

The other measures may be a very good idea, but all of them would require the grandfather's explicit consent. Therefore, whatever you do, don't piss him off.
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The uncle with the Power of Attorney needs to let the future wife know that he has complete control of the bank accounts and all assets and that she will need to deal with him for any wedding expenditures--- BS HER! Stretch the truth a little without actually lieing. But let her know that the family will be taking charge of his health and bank accounts. She will most likly find a new potential mate if she thinks this current situation isn't going to go her way. Also- put his accounts and assets in a Living Trust asap while he still has some though and control of his own.
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I hope you have sources of information besides the aggrieved family of this woman's late husband? Or late ex-husband? - not that I imagine that a divorce on top would have endeared her to them. If you have evidence, such as marriage certificates, death certificates, probate information and the like, then gather it into a dossier and present it to your grandfather. If you haven't, hold your tongue about his new inamorata but speak easily and openly to him about his plans. You're not going to be able to protect him if you just wade in and dash his hopes.

Besides, there is another way to look at this, you know. At 76 and 74, they may feel they haven't time to fritter away on the usual romantic niceties and lengthy engagement. And if your grandfather is a tough old bird, of sound mind and common sense, perhaps she has something going for her that he enjoys and appreciates to the extent that he's happy to splash out on life with her. And, by the way, two years is a long time to be alone when you've enjoyed many decades of domestic harmony. He was grieving and lonely, and now he isn't. I don't buy the plying him with alcohol ruse. It's not as if he is unused to strong drink, is it? And besides, she's presumably also there in the mornings, when the hangovers would hardly incline him to be generous.

Your fears may be well-founded; this woman might be as devilish as she's painted; I wouldn't know. But if you want to change his mind, you're going to have first to see her from your grandfather's point of view. Not that of people who may have other, unconnected reasons to detest her.
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I don;t know if this will work, but if there are enough of you.. smother him with visits.. have someone there ALL the time you can.. maybe he will like the attention more than hers? At least she will be buffered . "lose " his passport? Maybe just letting her know you have checked up on her and are watching her will slow her down. Have you told GF what you have found out? No one likes to be made a fool of, and he may be mad at you.. but he may think about it? Maybe give him the numbers of the other familys? He needs to know, that is all you can do... but keep an eye on her!
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