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I absolutely detest doctor appointment day and all the drama associated with it. The crying, whining and lies told to the doctor makes me so angry and my day gets completely wasted.

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My Mother is 87 years and has Alzheimer's since 2013. Mom has a walker but She's very frail..REFUSING TO TAKE EXERCISE IS NOT HELPING..whenever Mom kneed's Her GP I ring the Surgery and the Dr calls later that day. I did bring Mom to the hospital to fulfill appointments with the Geriatrition but the refusal,s and the anxiety and the mayhem panic gave Me butterflies in My stomach. Then one day I sat back to observe and the hospital was like a scene from ER Emergency Room. After waiting what seemed like eternity Mom was seen eventually by a very young Dr. Then one day I said to Mother that's it Mom, We will not go through this any more. Since Alzheimer's is a condition which will lead to the end of My Mother's Life, why would I wish to put Her through this again?
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This is just me rambling but i made two promises to the boyfriends dad yesterday id take him to a strip club- his request-and to keep him alive til he sees his granddaughter from germany in mid-june. The first one is easy, i dont care nothing i havent seen before. The second part is a problem, i have 1 week to figure out how to keep him in a facility rather than coming home to an environment thats not good. Ive cried slot the last few days because i know that if he comes home, he done. It would be so much easier to deal with him than his wife. Shes the one that makes me blow up sice she such a pia.im sorry for getting all emotional but i honestly i cant deal with the such a selfish woman
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Tacy022, I cannot believe what you are going through with them. My dad was not the same person, either, and the saddest part was that I couldn't talk to him about the stresses we were all under as we dealt with his increasing dementia and inability to care for himself. He insisted, angrily, that he was FINE and would move into care when it was time! It was well past time at that point. What we did was get him admitted to memory care by getting his doctor to prescribe it, and then delivered him there with the story to him that he was there to gain weight and get his strength back. (He was 91, and had been walking the streets at night looking for our mom, who had died the year before.) I visited every day and he seemed pleased with the place, although still confused. I hope you get your parents into care where they won't drink the mouthwash or eat the bath salts or otherwise harm themselves. You need a break from the stress and trauma so that YOU won't die first. Please do keep us posted! All these great people care about you!
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I got into the situation because his dad had open heart surgery with complications. So even though i wasnt "family" my boss at the time paid me out of his pocket flma time. When that time was up, he offered to continue to pay me as long as i needed but i refused because of obligations. So we settled on me consulting for him which i still do..but i feel like im not there enough. My boyfriend works during the day and takes over so i can sleep a few hours at night then he sleeps. I do work for 10 businesses excluding his outta the house. We argue over the parent issue occasionally but hes gained weight and developed high blood pressure from the stress. Ive always functioned better under stress than he does...we are complete opposites. He realizes that its getting to that point where hard decisions will need to be made but hes timid in respect to his brothers denial of medical needs for parents. Hes always been the peacekeeper between his brother and I due to the fact i tell his brother hes a pos and to step up to the plate or stay out of it. Boy i just rambled.
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tacy022, same here very analytical with some OCD thrown in. For six years I went with my parents to all their doctor appointments... and just about every specialty doctor known to man. And what it is with the every 3 month appointments? Nothing ever changes.

First I hated the driving, and had to use my parents vehicle which made me carsick just backing that behemoth down the driveway.

Then the waiting room, and being handed two clipboard of new forms to fill out. Mom could hardly hear so I was raising my voice to ask her medical questions. Of course, I would be halfway through one set of forms when the nurse would call us all into the exam room. Eventually I learned to write in big letters across the front of the forms SAME AS LAST TIME.

Finally in the 7th year I finally realized I was enabling my parents, oops, no wonder they wouldn't move into a retirement home, they have me to be their taxi driver, their grocery hauler, their mulch lifter, ladder climber, etc.
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I just read that you are caring for your boyfriend's parents? My gosh! That really puts a different spin on everything! It's hard enough when it's your own flesh and blood, but the BF'S family? Are they not involved at all? How did you get roped into this? I helped care for my FIL--and that was really hard. And he was a sweetie. You must be an angel--seriously. How does the BF help out? I mean, they're HIS parents. I hope he's completely supportive and right there for you every second.
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Midkid, thanks. Its just hard because im a very black and white, analytical person. I guess the frustration comes from the fact that i dont want to be responsible if something goes wrong. Since they are "special", doctor's word not mine, i have his cell number to call at any hour day or night. There is a point where safety is an issue and i have everything padlocked but occasionally a worker may forget to put away bath salts or mouthwash and its consumed. Or the best one yet using toenail clippers on hemmroids. I just dont know how to get family to understand that their parents are not the same people they once were and they need help from people more qualified than me.
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For some folks, the "going to the dr day" does in fact take up the whole day--I have taken mother a few times and it stresses me out so much I usually wind up with a migraine. She insists on riding in a wheelchair the 50 feet from the car to the elevator, altho she can walk fine with a walker..she makes such a fuss about her pain and misery--it's beyond embarrassing! Yet after the visit, she wants to go shopping or out to lunch. My brother is so much more patient. Luckily, he is the one who usually takes her. I do wish he'd keep the rest of us updated, but he doesn't.
Tacy--I feel the pain and anger in your posts. I am so sorry you are in the situation you're in. I hope for your sake you can move your parents(?) to a place where they will get the care they crave and you can have the life you need.
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My dad had to go for a paracentesis on a regular basis (draining fluid from the abdomen due to liver failure). Getting him from the facility to the hospital was a major undertaking that included many factors not the least of which was bowel incontinence. The first few times I took him I ended up in tears just from the stress of getting him around, getting him to the bathroom (do I use the ladies room or the men's room?) and at one point while he was having the procedure I was so distraught I sought out a nun or priest (we were in a Catholic hospital).

The people I approached for help were so compassionate (I was wandering around in tears) and a lovely nun put me in touch with a social worker. This was all during my dad's procedure. I was having a mini-breakdown and was a blubbering, stressed out mess. A social worker, who appeared out of nowhere, put me in touch with a service that would pick up my father and take us to the hospital. The van driver would transport my dad where he needed to go and it was so much easier than having to do all of this myself. Toileting my dad was still an issue but with the other issues taken care of I had the strength to take this particular issue on.

Later that day I called my brother and told him what had happened and how we were going to have a van the next time and he was so supportive. I had told him how upset I became, how next-to-impossible it was to get dad around and my brother told me that I can always call him whenever I need to for support or anything else, that I was caring for our dad and if I needed him to step in to relieve me he would.

My dad knew nothing of any of this, had no idea I crumbled into a pile of tears the minute they took him in for the procedure. And he was pleased that we could go by van the next time. He felt like a VIP and we were treated like VIP's. God bless that nun and social worker.

I totally understand Going To The Dr. Day.
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I'm not sure what the back story is, but if you are not being supported in this by your spouse, I'd find a friend to stay with to force the issue. Is that a possibility?
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No, its not my choice which is why im angry alot. Aps and waiver have stated they need 24 hour care. They refuse the help their offered so its forced upon us because they live upstairs. Ive said for the last year and a half that i want my life back and that they should be forced to accept more care but no one wants to upset mommy. The new waiver casemanager is more understanding than previous ones so shes working on forcing the issue at the present time since shes a nursing home transition specialist.
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Tacy, is it your choice to be the caregiver? If so, it can also be your choice NOT to be the caregiver.
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With me, its taking 2 people needing an aid and having my son meet us because of the "pain". Same thing every visit uti and pain from not exercising, non compliance and placement in nursing home since they need more care. Then hearing how hospice should be called in because infraction level in heart under 15% and the insistance that hospice is not needed. Then all the care falls back on me and now ill be in a rage for the rest of the day
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tacy, it doesn't really upset me, but it takes half a day to get it done. My mother is slow and then there's the waiting and going out to eat afterwards. I am grateful for the valet service at my mother's clinic (in a hospital). It makes things so much easier.
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We found time of day meant everything. If we took mom to lunch at 12 and the doctor at 1:30, she had a much better attitude. Something about having a full tummy made her more mellow.
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I have not had this experience. Put on a "game face". Ignore the antics. Write down what you've observed (concisely) and stand behind the patient. Shake your head no when he lies.
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