I finally received a call from her last September after 20 years of deliberate avoidance. In those 20 years our lives certainly changed. So many times I needed her and she was not there for me. She just inherited a huge amount of money and now is dying. Her own family is a mess...and she, dying from lung cancer, while she continues to smoke and drink. So Sad. I do forgive but it is hard for me to forget the emotional abusive behaviors. The lies and ridicule I endured from jealousy. I took care of my mother struggling with alcoholism, cirrhosis, bleeding ulcers and bronchitis. My sisters were too busy in their lives to help . They lived within one hour of her...I lived 8 hours away. I would drive to see mom and care for her, clean her house, take her to appointments, and take her out ...for dinner, lunch, a drive...dress her up like she loved, once a month for 3 years. Thankful to have such a wonderful mom and amazed that both sisters were too busy to care. And now this sister is in hospice and I am being summoned to come. And I am afraid to see her in this condition. It is a thousand mile journey. She expects me there now. I read all of these posts because I was my mother's caregiver and it was difficult but I loved my mother and appreciated her incredible efforts in raising us all . Now, as I pack my bags and make all of the arrangements to travel , dealing with my own respiratory illness, having to travel with portable oxygen, 65 now, sister is just 67...help me to understand how to lay down the torment of the unresolved past. I cannot bring any of it up any more. Regurgitating any of the hurt and deprivation makes me sick. I know it will hurt her too. How do I offer loving kindness devoid of memories? She is already lying and manipulating the course demanding her own needs and giving no concern to my own health, costs, or responsibilities at hand. Certainly my needs are not as desperate as hers. I just want to go with the best loving spirit but I am afraid as this family's history is of abuse, torment and rejection. I'm sorry if this is not the right forum for this discussion...but your caring input would be so appreciated.
