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My father passed away in June. My family was very toxic. My sister did drugs with my mother when she was alive. My father was 77 years old and would tell me your sister is going to take all of my money when he dies etc. Well my sister got the house. He claimed to have a will but we never found one. My sister drinks in front of her 4 year old and we dont get along. We have a probate attorney. She would say I'm going to do 50 50 on his house etc. There are 2 high accounts believe he forgot about in probate that have no beneficies. .I loved my dad. I believe he was taken advantage of but there is nothing I can do. I just want to get through probate and be civil but talking on the phone she will make rude comments. Tell me I need therapy etc. It's bad. I've made comments about her drinking around her child. Can I request to the probate attorney that I am not comfortable talking to her on the phone? This has been very hard on me.

Chris, thanks for your update. I see this will go on through March. You should, as Geaton suggests, attend al-anon. You will have GREAT support there and learn a lot. And yes, be honest with the probate attorney if you are actually LISTED as an administrator of this estate, that you don't wish to work directly with your sister, but rather with the probate attorney. If you are NOT administrator and Sister is, there is little you can do but wait until the estate is settled, and as you correctly observed, when a lot of stuff was hidden, and you can't work together, this will take a good deal of time. Sure continue to wish you the best.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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My sister and I are co adminster on my fathers estate and we have an attorney. She will send texts to me about vacations etc.
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Reply to Chrisfr1974
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My sister and I are co adminster on my fathers estate and we have an attorney. She will send texts to me about vacations etc.
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Reply to Chrisfr1974
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My sister and I are co adminster on my fathers estate and we have an attorney. She will send texts to me about vacations etc.
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Reply to Chrisfr1974
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Yes, have the attorney interact with her. Tell her/him you are uncomfortable doing so.
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Reply to brandee
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Without a Will the State steps in. The lawyer should be the administrator since your sister is a problem. By law if your the only children, the estate is 50/50 after debts are paid. Let the Lawyer handle everything. Contacting your sister and her contacting him.

Your sister gets nothing until probate is done. Probate has to be shown that everything has been carried out and an accounting made. If you don't agree with the accounting, then don't sign it.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You can, if you wish, get your own attorney to represent your interests. I would be certain however, that the estate left by your parent is well worth doing this, as it will be costly.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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1. Call Child Protective Services and report your sister.
2. Do NOT talk to your sister. If she wants to communicate with you let her do so through the lawyer.
I can tell you that the only person that will "win" in this situation is the lawyer. The longer this drags out the more he/she will make. The more communication that has to go through the lawyer or their office the more they will make.
Let her calls go to voice mail and let the lawyer hear them.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Yes definitely call CPS(Child Protective Services)and report your sister drinking in front of her young child as someone HAS to protect this child as they cannot speak up for themselves yet.
This issue with a child being in an unsafe environment should come before anything else. Period, end of sentence.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Forget your sister exists she is toxic and let the attorney deal with her . I wouldn't be concerned with her drinking Just cut her off and not be Involved in her life . You will feel Much Better.
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Reply to KNance72
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It makes perfect sense that you want to limit contact with your sister; the situation is very challenging. I agree with other comments, you can, and should let your attorney know you only want to communicate through them.

One additional info: since there's no will, you are not obligated to agree to a 50/50 split. The law has a specific way of handling estates without a will, and your attorney can help ensure everything is divided according to your state's laws, which might not be an even 50/50
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Reply to JakRenden2
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Yes, you can tell the probate attorney that you do not want to communicate directly with your sister. Who did the probate court appoint as estate administrator, since your father did not leave a will with an executor?
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Reply to MG8522
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Chrisfr1974 Nov 15, 2025
We are both co administers in our fathers estate. It's been stressful as this will go on until March. We did the inventory and the attorney get us know it's good to mail. We both signed it and it is being nailed certified. In texts im always professional etc. Im hanging in there.
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I’m so sorry. What a sad situation. Yes, if I were in your shoes I would be frank with the probate attorney that you do not wish to communicate directly with your sister. I would imagine he or she has dealt with dysfunctional families before.

About the sister drinking around her young child — if you think the child is in danger of neglect or abuse you could anonymously report her to CPS.
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