I've been living with and taking care of my mom for about 7 years now. I initially moved in for my own benefit (to save money for a year or two), but throughout that time, she's dealt with a lot of health issues and declined steadily. She stopped driving, she became dependent on a walker, and she's on dialysis. She's had a few injuries and other health issues over the last few years. During that time, my dad also spent about 8 months with some major health issues, so I was pulling double duty for a while. The last few years, since about 2018, have been especially difficult. I've given up any type of social life I had, I cut way back on work hours, I've canceled trips, etc.
Last year, my mom started to decline mentally a bit. I blame COVID mostly, because with all of her health issues, she hasn't been able to go anywhere and she's been on the verge of major depression and anxiety since she started dialysis. But then she developed a problem with her legs and ended up in the hospital for over a week. She came home unable to walk. That was seven months ago. At first, she refused physical therapy and in-home health. My dad and I have been providing all of her care. But then she started having another health issue and has been in and out of the hospital 8 times, in part, because she won't go to all of her follow-up appointments. I finally convinced her to go to some, but it continues to be an uphill battle. She has a nurse come in, but she makes me re-do her bandages after they leave. She has a physical therapist, but she doesn't try at all with it. We bought her a lift chair, but she said she can't use it. The PT even tried to help her figure it out but she wouldn't listen.
The reason I'm here is - I'm supposed to go out of town in a couple of weeks. Leaving the country. It's a trip I've spent thousands of dollars on and had planned for two years. I had to postpone last year because of COVID. I was supposed to go in April of this year, but my mom cried and begged and pleaded with me to postpone it until June so she'd have more time to prepare. So, I did. It cost thousands more dollars, and the friend who I'm traveling with was not amused because she had to rearrange her life, but we made it work.
We have a relative who will help during the weekends and evenings, but my mom is refusing professional help for the mornings and dialysis trips. She says my dad can do it, but he can't. She's finally come around to realizing she needs someone, but now the home health care agency we use doesn't have any aides available. I've contacted Visiting Angels, but I'm not sure I can afford that now because I've missed so much work over all of this.
But the worst part of it all is she treats me so badly now. She curses at me and threatens me and calls me names and told me she was kicking me out of her house. She keeps talking about how I'm abandoning her and she never thought I'd do that and she can only rely on herself now. She's also doing risky things - like she's not supposed to go down the ramp in her wheelchair solo because she nearly flips it over, but she does it anyway. I just don't know what to do. I'm gonna be miserable if I go and miserable if I don't. I haven't had a single break in years, and I'm experiencing major burnout. We've always had a good close relationship, but I can't stand to be around her now and all she does is berate me when we are. I don't know what to do.