Going out of my mind. Husband has dementia and has started wetting his pants. Refuses to go to the bathroom. Using depends. What to do now?

I found with my own mother, it didn't work if I told her or asked her to do something. For instance, to get her in the shower, if I asked if she wanted to shower, she always said no. If I said let's go take a shower, same response. No. The one thing that worked for me was to just say come with me. She would. Even with eating, if I asked if she was hungry, she didn't know so I stopped asking and just fixed food for her. People with dementia can't make decisions and don't want to do what you want them to do. Try just taking him to the bathroom by telling him to come with you, but don't tell him that is what you are doing until you get him in there.

Has he been difficult to manage in the past? Some men just don't value a wife's/woman's input or direction, yet if another male says do so and so, they will do it.

Have you considered hiring a male caretaker or possibly placing him in a home?

This is about him not wanting to go or walk to the bathroom. Many before me see the depends as the solution...so should you.
Dementia isn't about what you want. Using jogging pants are easier to remove. I think if you put less focus on him getting to the bathrroom, he may start going again...or not. Dementia is unpredictable. Take care and love yourself.

If he won’t go to the bathroom then leave him in depends and a blanket covering his legs - easier to check if needs a change and if he complains - the solution is that he goes to the toilet every few hours - if he starts doing that - he can wear trousers again. Pull up joggers are easier and quicker.

How about layering the depends and maybe you can take the inner one out when wet? You can just tear them on the sides and pull out. This might buy you some time and prevent soaking through his pants while trying to get him in the bathroom.

I’m just brainstorming with you here.
Sometimes what they refuse to do for you they will do for another. Does he have a male relative you could get to spend some time with him?
What about a urinal?
I wouldn’t want to deal with that but it might be better than the alternative.
Often behavior will change. What he won’t do today he might be willing to do tomorrow. Try a bedside commode if he will go into the bedroom to go. Perhaps there is something in the bathroom that is scaring him.
Watch Teepa Snow on YouTube and see if her methods help.
You might try asking him to come help you for a minute in the bathroom. When you get him there ask him to reach something high or look out the window to see the cat next door. Anything you can think of to lure him in. Then while you are there ask him to sit on the pot.
Just try different things. “After you change your pants we will have ice cream” etc. keep trying.
If he sits in a favorite chair think about moving it close to the bathroom or out of the house to break the connection to the chair. Maybe give him a candy when he pees in the pot.
Im sorry this is so difficult. Let us know what works. We learn from one another.

Incontinence goes along with dementia most often, unfortunately. Your statement says he's 'using Depends'..........so, if he's wearing a disposable brief, what is the problem you're facing? If his pants are getting wet, like Joy said, the brief is either too large or not changed frequently enough. You can also purchase booster pads to put inside the brief for extra absorbency.

https://totaldry.com/totaldry-ultimate-boost-ups.html?gclid=CjwKCAiA3abwBRBqEiwAKwICA6qVOe5O3cszJnoIZ7DAVYYksisyKIMS4l29Beiihd9IkHc3DUHDYBoCc7MQAvD_BwE

I get them at Wal-Mart.

You might want to schedule his bathroom visits now; every 2 hours take him in to see if he needs to urinate. A schedule is important to avoid mishaps.

Good luck!

Is he wearing depends? If so, and his pants are still wet, they’re either too loose or aren’t changed enough. Offer him a change every two hours or so. That may help.