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Maybe some of you seen my last post
my father is still in the hospital with digestive problems
We went to return his car to his house because he left it at the doctor's office when they took him away in an ambulance.
I thought I should look inside the house and it was absolutely disgusting
I couldn't even step in it was horrendous
I called a cleaning service that said they were able to deal with the situation and hired them
told my father about it an went ballistic said he didn't want strangers in his house, I said I will be there when they are there but he was still amazingly angry and said I don't want anyone there until I get home. and I know he won't do anything
I called the hospital and told them to make my sister the main contact
he called a few times today pretending nothing happened and I told him to not to call me anymore and hung up on him
enough is enough ffs

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Also he is a mean nasty rude stubborn narcissist. He is always cruel and he treats other people like garbage. Been that way all his life

Hospital geriatriatrician evaluated him and said he was cognizant.
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Reply to mary543
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I think this is a wise choice. Good for you!
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Reply to golden23
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Maybe I'm not understanding what "Going no contact with my father" means to you, but to me it means LITERALLY having NO contact, whether by phone calls, texts, stopping by his house, paying to have his house cleaned and being there when the cleaners come, and even returning his car to his house.
Because as you can see, that is an awful lot of "contact" for someone who's wanting or at least says that they're wanting to go no contact.
If you truly want to go no contact, you MUST remove yourself completely from anything that has to do with your father. Period, end of sentence.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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mary543 Jun 16, 2025
That's what I am doing. this has taken a horrible toll on me. I feel like I was being emotionally beaten up.
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You should have called APS first so they could document what the house looked like and it was not decent enough for him to live there. To live this way there has to be Dementia going on or mental problems.

I would have probably done the same thing, called in someone to clean, but I would have told Dad. Let him find out if and when he returns home.

You cannot win here. First he says stay away and then he calls you. He can't have it both ways. Block his calls. Let your sister handle it all. Do not backslide. You must stick to your boundaries and not give in. If you give in, its like crying wolf. You Dad needs to be placed.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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mary543 Jun 16, 2025
We took photos. I probably shouldn't have told him but I wasn't about to pay for it.
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Why not give APS a call and fill then in on this Mary.
I suspect they are the only ones who can, if they choose, do anything.
I know you have done that before.
Just keep on doing it.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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mary543 Jun 16, 2025
I left a message was on hold for awhile. Hopefully they can do something.
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I can understand your position. People deal with hoarding family members in different ways. I get the frustration. Does he have cognitive decline? If so, you might be able to get legal authority to get the place cleaned, but it’s a lot of work. Can’t say I’d take it on. I regret getting involved in caregiving for my parents. Too much work, stress and resistance. But, everybody is different.
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