I need to go out of town for possibly a week and my mom is scared when I'm not around. Any ideas?

If I was in this situation I would call a professional caregiving agency to have their employees come to stay with the elder. These caregivers know exactly what to do should there be an issue. I do have to say it can be quite expensive. For my Dad to have around the clock caregiver, it was $30/hour.

Or you can call a local Assisted Living to see if they have "respite care" and what would be the cost. That way Mom is in something similar to a hotel, and she could meet women of her own generation, plus there will be Aides/Nurses on-site at all times. It might be worth checking into.

Thank you freqflyer, I took note of that and will check in to these options. I'm afraid if I remove her from the home it will make her confused though.

If I was to pull everyone I know who could help I can't even wrap my brain around how to schedule it. I'm tired and trying to cope with balancing everything.

If your mom has financial resources, it would be good to gradually introduce her to an in-home caregiver. Try once a week and then more. We are doing that with my 95 year old mother in law right now. In a few weeks, we are hoping that should do okay with having that person stay overnight while we go away for a few days.

It may not be necessary that the person be there 24/7, but definitely at the beginning and end of the day and at night (?). That could be very reassuring, especially if she likes the person.

Caregivers could come from an agency or just be freelancing in your community. It is surprising how many people do this part time for a living. Ask around to your local senior agencies or friends who have elderly parents.

I would vote for mom going to respite in an AL. You could take here there a couple of times for lunch to meet other residents and let her get a feel for the place. You have some lead time also to get her all the necessary stuff her doctor needs to do, like a TB test. If your mom gets rattled easily, it might also be a good time to talk to her doctor about evaluating her anxity and agitation.

Respite in assisted living will be the most affordable solution. In home care can become very expensive, very quickly. Like already suggested, ease her into it with visiting AL for lunch so she can become familiar with the place and begin meeting people.

You are right, I would not take her to Minnesota either. That would be difficult for her and you that needs to be able to participate in the Mayo visit. Find another solution.

You have left out too much information. How old is your daughter?
Is she married?
Does she have children?
How far away is the hospital?
Your Mother obviously has other health problems as she uses O2 continuously. That needs to be monitored. What OTHER health problems does she have?
Since it is inevitable that your Mother will eventually need skilled 24/7 nursing care, AND the fact that your daughter may possibly need surgery, you absolutely need to have plan B at the ready. .
If your daughter is a minor, SHE is your priority. She is also your HUSBAND'S priority.
If you cannot find a facility for your Mother to stay in while you are attending to your daughter's need, then perhaps your Husband should be the one totally responsible for your daughter's needs.

I would definitely not take her on the trip. Even with her apprehension of you leaving her, there are many reasons that she would likely fare better staying.

Having an agency provide around the clock care in the home while you're gone, is fine, if the costs are not an issue. But, keep in mind that if the agency drops the ball and someone doesn't show up, gets sick, car breaks down, etc. and they can't make it to your house, are they going to be prepared to ensure that she has continuance coverage. Would she be okay staying alone for the night or a day? Based on what you said about your mom getting scared if you are not there, I would consider continuance coverage a must, since, if she is scared and alone, she may be more afraid, call 911 or others, leave the house or something else that is unpredictable. Having someone to reassure her that everything is fine around the clock would make me feel better.

That's why I would explore respite care at a facility, where she could go and stay until your return. I'd check costs and see what is available to meet her needs. It would give me more peace of mind to know that the facility has staff on duty around the clock and she would have the opportunity to socialize with other seniors, sit in the activity room around others, play games, have meals in the dining room, etc. I might approach it as a vacation for her.

Agree with Sunnygirl. I would hire aides for 24/7 like Visiting Angels for instance. They are costly, however. But perhaps speak with your daughter or husband to be "on call" if one of the aides call in sick or are a no show. We used Visiting Angels for my MIL while she was visiting and if you give them enough time they will get the time staffed and have a schedule for you prior to your leaving.
I would keep her at her home; too stressful to move her to an AL, in my opinion.

Perhaps an "out of the box" idea...I live in MN (an hour north of Mayo). We here in MN have skyways to connect buildings so we're not forced to wander EVERYWHERE outdoors. Although this week we've had a balmy 45 degrees! Anyway, wonder if it would be worth checking into Senior Living places that have guest apartments you could possibly "rent". I found one that's actually connected by skyway to Mayo. Might be too lofty an idea, but who knows?
charterhouse-mayo. org/accommodations/

I would place your Mom temporary in a respite care - they will make sure she is doing well while you are gone.
I took my Mom one time with me while my Dad had a big
Cancer operation.We were staying for about four days in a hotel room,my hubby,my Mom & myself.What a nightmare
that turned out to be.My Dad omitted to tell us that my Mother did not sleep 24/7 .She would be up & in the bathroom at 1:00 AM doing what ?? My Hubby would here her up & awaken me ,I would then put her back to bed
to be awake again about 3:00 AM .My Mom would be cleaning out her purse!! Long story short - We head back home with my Mom & my Dad was staying another week in hospital.My Mom took a real " rangie " on the way home.
Getting back home I had to let her scream & carry on until she fell asleep.We turned the radio up & tuned her out.
When we arrived about 9:00 Pm she refused to get out of the van & I had to call my sister to come & take her to her place half an hour away.Fortunatety my sister worked as an aid in a nursing home & my sister & I up putting my Mother the nursing home with the help of my sister's boss .In the end my Mother had dementia that my Dad had hidden from us .He was too sick to deal with it.
He would bring my Mom home on weekends & had homecare come in to bath her.Very sad situation.As he got sicker my Mom stayed in the nursing home where she was in good hands.. He passed away within the year & we had to empty their apartment & get rid of everything.My Mom
Lived in her own world in the nursing home .Life has many challenges.Don't stress yourself out anymore then you have to.Your Mom will be fine while you are gone.

I am also caring for a mother who is very similar to yours. I've gone both with hiring a caregiver to stay at home with her and putting her in a nursing home for respite. Definitely do not take her with you. She sounds very needy, and with vascular dementia if you took her, she would quite likely get very upset. Also, your daughter should not have to take care of her, since with small children and a needy grandmother it would be too much for her.

I'd say either an agency or respite care. You have enough on you without juggling everyone's schedule to take care of mom. The times I hired a caregiver to stay with mom it was only for a long weekend, and this was the person who had been taking care of her while I was at work. My mom did not like respite in the nursing home, but I did not have to worry about her. She was fine and I had a much needed break from caregiving. If your mom resists having "strangers" come into the home, a facility is better. She may not need full level nursing home care - some assisted living facilities offer respite too, and elders often respond better to the idea of "a week in assisted living" than to "nursing home" - they often are afraid of that phrase and fear they'll never get to leave.

Facilities that offer respite are experienced with soothing emotionally dependent and needy elders. If you can, check out the facilities first and take her for a visit. They will also offer her activities that she might enjoy. My mom is stubborn and refused to participate, but if nothing else, they will take them to the dining hall to eat with others.

Think about yourself too. Your mom is fortunate that you are taking care of her or it sounds like she would be in a facility already.

I would find a 24 hour care person to stay in your home. Your mom can stay in her familiar surroundings. Then you have a back up person for future events if you need to go away. Respite care 'sounds good' but I don't know how many places really offer it or have openings. We just toured an assisted living place (memory care) two months ago and mentioned trying it out via 'respite care'. They said they don't really offer it for memory care people because it is so involved to get those people integrated that they don't offer it for dementia/alz residents. Maybe it was just that one place but that sort of made sense. Maybe some places in your area are different -- call and ask. Having home care would give you options for the future so you can have breaks. Definitely agree taking her on the trip would be too hard on her and too much extra stress for you.

First, do NOT take her with you. You need a break. If she is on/off confused, etc., DO NOT BURDEN SOMEONE ELSE with what you have chosen to handle. Not everyone is suited for this. And not knowing the financial situation, I can't suggest a 24-7 caretaker. And remember, caretakers need to sleep and things can happen. If she is confused, PUT HER SOMEWHERE FOR THE TIME YOU ARE GONE where she can be monitored and cared for. That is their job. If she is confused, so be it. She lived her life and now it is your turn to get away. Don't hesitate - just do it. Do not let people in your family make life so difficult for you - you do not deserve it.

Take this time to really evaluate your mom fully - it sounds like she may eventually need more care than you can provide - try her soon for just 2 nights in a respite care then she will go home - she will associate it with temporary situation for when you need it -

Have her dr. to adjust her meds with possibly occational use of a calming drug so she is not too rattled - you need to think of loosening the apron strings with her so that she gets used to you being away for short periods - welcome to the sandwich generation!

While in our right minds, many say to concentrate most on those who have a life in front of them. Most parents and grandparents want their young to get the best care possible. Unless she otherwise told you (during her good years), she still wants you take care of your child/her grandchild first. She just can't communicate or reason as she once did. Given her finances and the availability of respite or other temporary care I would seek placement in a home that can accept your mom.
If she has any resources, I would talk to the companies who hold or manage any funds, insurance, or retirement benefits. Sometimes they can provide useful information. Agencies and insurances require medical documentation in order to place in a proper home or facility if home-health respite services are being requested. If not already in the works, start a folder of all her legal documents in order to begin the placement process.

I agree with respite care and have been thinking of that for my husband if for no other reason than he will be able to shower regularly with the help of aides, something that is becoming more difficult for me to do in a non-accessible home where we live. You may want to check with her health insurance and see if you can get help paying for her care. I'm familiar with vascular dementia and I agree that to bring her along would be the most difficult of situations. Good luck and keep us updated.

I understand your dilemma. My dad passed away last night and he had vascular dementia. Once, I left for a two week period. I could not get family or friends to come and stay with him. So, I hired a professional care giving agency. I shopped around and one company manager gave me a discount on cost, because of the length of time that they would be with him. I know Seth Rogan's Hilarity for Charity has grants for respite care. You might look into that with a local or state Alzheimer's and Dementia Society. Anyway, the folks form the agency were great caregivers. I didn't think much of their housekeeping skills, but I wasn't paying for that. When I got back, my dad was happy and well. That was all that mattered to me. Best wishes in your dilemma. It is a tough one.

This is an aside. I do not mean to steal from sooboo67's question, so I will be brief. I knew my dad had memory problems for years. It wasn't until December 2nd of this year that I got his doctor to pinpoint his need as "vascular dementia." Many people here have said something like "with vascular dementia you do not want to do this that or the other thing." What are the unifying characteristics that you all see with vascular dementia? I am trying to look back at things that my dad did to see if that was related to the disease. Thank you. Now back to sooboo67's question.

An agency, at $30 more or less an hour, would be quite costly! I have to say, the one I contracted our caregivers from was just excellent and if the regular caregiver couldn't show up, they moved heaven and earth to find and send another one, even from the next county. (Mom was really out of it and didn't really even know who was in or out of her house.) But if money is tight, respite care, definitely! Dont worry, they know what to do and she will be fine.

Thank you so much for all of your input. I am still unsure what we will do. I have a fe church people who have offered to rotate days if my daughter will stay the night. I will check in to the AL. The one closest to us wants us to bring her own furniture, I can't do that for a week! Goodness.

You might talk with the social work department at Mayo, and see if they may have accommodations there that might work for you, so you could let her go with you. Or, see if they can suggest an assisted living facility with day-to-day rental to get a room with some caregiving assistance, so she can go, but would be cared for while you are busy with your appointments. Another idea is to see if there is respite care available in your local area at a nursing home. I believe that Medicare will pay for a short respite care stay for elders. You could possibly get a list of respite care providers from a local area agency on aging or a hospital social worker.

Medicare will pay for short term respite only if that person is on hospice. Thanks s is to give the caregiver a break.

As you know, you can't be in two places at the same time. I would want to spend 100% of my energy on my daughter if I needed to take her to Mayo, and I would not want to need to worry about Mom. Please consider a respite visit to a care home where she might be able to move in long term in case the situation warrants it.

The Memory Care where my mthr lives takes folks in for a week or two at a time on their respite program. The people have so much freedom to move around, to visit with people, and to participate in games and other activities that many of them do ask to stay there. They think they are in college again.

I've also seen a respite care patient sit at the front door fist thing in the morning, thinking it is their day to go home. The staff is so gentle and redirects them to activity, and lets them know they will come get them when their ride arrives.

Mthr's home has a RN with geriatric specialty certificates who will call and talk to the doctor, and I know he has called in something for mthr when she's gotten sick. We also signed up for the local pharmacy delivery service in case that had to happen, so when they called me to let me know and I was on vacation it was all taken care of! It has been a joy to be able to leave mthr behind and know that she is well tended.

Definitely get a professional caregiver to stay with her the entire time through possibly the VNA.

Many independent living facilities and nursing homes have rooms available by the week or month for "respite" visits, to give family care givers a break. I looked into it in the Norfolk, Va area a few years ago, in case I ever needed it for my mom,and it was about $4500 for 30 days. You could also contact a home health care agency, and they will come out and do a free assessment to see what her needs are. They could provide anything from 2-4 hour shifts, up to 24/7. Around here, in the Norfolk Va area, it ranges from about $16/hour up to about $26 per hour, and some agencies will give you a discount based on restricted income.

If AL or in home care isn't a good option for financial reasons you might try connecting with a church or other volunteer organization to see if there is someone they could recommend that may be willing to help you out with less expense. A friend has a retired registered nurse that stays with her mother when my friend needs to travel for work with her brother as an emergency backup. It works well for them as the retired nurse is an active senior only 14 years younger than her mother so they socialize.

Take her with!!!!! Who cares if your spouse would be spending a lot of time together it's his mother in law there shouldnt be a problem with that.gives them time to get to know each other more. Your worst mistake would be to leave her behind.you will regret it...

No excuse ,take your momma with ,it will give more time to get to know each otherore between youromma & spouse. Enough said......(+_+)