Should I go against my siblings and keep Mom at home with me or should majority rule?

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Should we ask her what she wants to do? they say that they think she should be placed in nh so i can go on with my life but i think i can still care for her at home. She is 97 and in the hospital recovering from a gi bleed which has left her very weak. She also got mrsa in the hospital and is on iv antibiotics for another 3 weeks. She is getting pt at the hospital but that is slow go and she may never be independently mobile again. She only weighs 97 pounds though so I don't have a problem lifting her or taking care of her needs. occasionally her mind does revert back in the past but for the most part she is very sharp. I can't bear to put her there if she is going to be unhappy but my siblings say i have to get over the guilt. she has been living with me and my family for almost a year. It is very confining as we have 4 grandchildren involved in lots of things and i missed going to watch them and getting to spend time doing things with my husband but i think its worth it. a decision will have to be made as soon as the iv antibiotics are finished and i don't know what to do. HELP!!!!!!!!

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What do her doctor's say? My sibs too, would have Mom placed in a heartbeat. The difference between my situation and your is my Mom has dementia and moves are notorious for causing escalating decline that they may recover from and maybe not. This is documented by my Mom's doctor that the recommendation is for Mom to remain at home in my care and her hubby's. If sibs go against doctor recommendations that could result in POA's transferring to the successor, me, which sibs do not want either. Rock and a hard place for them?
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My siblings would have my mother in a nursing home in a heartbeat. It's SOOOOO much easier. And yes we could go on with our lives, and she'd have access to all those marvellous facilities, and we could pop in to see her with flowers every so often, couldn't we?

So why didn't you do that in the first place? I'm not going to guess your reasons, not being entirely articulate about even my own, but whatever they were, unless something else has changed, those reasons are going to carry on telling you that your mother should be with you in your home. Don't imagine that you can pop her into a nursing home and go on your merry way - it just doesn't work like that.

There is also the delicate question of how long you expect this commitment to continue, if I can put it like that. I realise what a piece of string this question is: my 90 year old mother might die tonight, or she could live a few months, or a year, or two years...

Do you know what caused the GI bleed? Medication? I'm sorry, I realise how grotesque this guessing game is, but your mother is 97 and unless this crisis had a clearly identifiable cause and a recurrence can be prevented, the chances of your missing out entirely on your grandchildren's early years if you continue to care for her must be pretty slim.

Here's the question: will you be glad you looked after her, or will you come to regret the sacrifices of time and stress you will have to make? Think it through, then do what you think is right and ask your siblings to respect and support your decision, if only morally.
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It's really not an issue of majority rule. It's a question of making the best decision for all involved.

I wonder if there is more behind your siblings wanting your Mom in a NH. Are they more comfortable visiting her there than at your home? Are they worried that, if she stays home, they will be called in to "help out" when the care becomes too much for you or when you get sick or want to go on vacation? Maybe they're not comfortable providing nursing home level of care to your mother and they want to make sure they're not going to be dragged into it in any way. Are you prepared to be on your own in this, or are you expecting help from your siblings if you take on Mom's care?
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If you hadn't been taking care of her before this, I would tell you to go with your siblings. However, you seem to have a good handle on the situation, it sounds like, so you really have to do what you think is best.

However, with your mom being that sick, it might be a time when she needs more care than you can give and that's something you need to consider.

It sounds like everyone here means well, here, so if you just sit down with your siblings and explain that you feel committed to continuing and explain why you can do it, they might feel badly for you but might also be supportive of your choice.

Speak to them heart-to-heart about this. That's my advice.
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Your sibs are absolutely correct. This lady has multiple issues that would be better dealt with in a skilled nursing facility. You'd both be healthier and happier.
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Since you have been caring for your Mom for a year, maybe you could try for one month having her back home from the hospital, to see if you would continue to care for her.

I worry about the lifting... you said she "only weighs 97 pounds".... ask yourself could you lift a 100 pound bag of cement mix?.... all it takes is once simple twist to cause your back to hurt big time.

I think it is great that your siblings are trying to have you and your Mom's best interest at heart. I would say give it a try.
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