When you're ready to move your parent to a memory care facility how in the world do you go about it?

Check with local memory care facilities and see what they require. They usually send a staff person to do an evaluation. A court order may or may not be required. I checked with three local places for my dad whose dementia is getting worse, and was told they just needed a letter stating incompetence from his treating doc. Few elders ever agree to go into care. Facilities are quite used to the I WANT TO GO HOME mantra.

My Dad will not agree to ANYTHING much less moving into care. I'm prepared for a little fibbing, THEY HAVE TO FIX THE FLOORING, ITLL TAKE A FEW DAYS, or what ever works. Frame it with her as temporary. There a loads of stories on this site about people's experiences with this. Read up.

As for the house and stuff, oh my.......We are all facing this. I've been chipping away here and there but when the house is vacated my process will involve a large dumpster, an estate sale, selling the house as is (I'm 600 miles away) and some adult beverages.

The cats. Always a big problem. Start looking for homes. Many facilities have resident cats and dogs and allow visiting pets. Your mom will make new pet friends quickly.

With my Dad, he took a different approach when he decided that his house was getting too big for him to maintain and the stairs too scary even with the help of a caregiver.

Dad first downsized into a really nice 2 bedroom Independent Living facility. He knew he couldn't take all his furniture so he and his caregiver talked about what was most important to him. And he was ok with that. Dad wasn't into knick knacks so that was good. Except he wanted all of his books, about 200 of them. He had room for all of his bookcases, so that helped.

I was lucky, Dad's budget allowed me to bring his caregiver with him, but we cut her hours from 8 to 6 hours. Having her gave Dad a sense of routine.

After 8 months in Independent Living, Dad needed to move into Memory Care. For my Dad moving into one room was a bit of an adjustment but he knew he would be saving a lot of money and he would be getting more care. I would joke with him telling him he was going back in time, moving back into a college dorm. Right outside of his room was the living room for the quad of rooms on that corner, so Dad kept his door opened to give him the feeling he had a larger place.

Some Assisted Living facilities allow their residents to have small pets. One lady on Dad's floor had a cute little dog but he loved to run around and she would get so mad at him.... here was the well dressed, well kept, dignified frail women cursing at her dog when he went on one of his romps around that building. He even would sneak on the elevator down to the main floor. That Staff all knew him. It was like Keystone Cops trying to catch him :)

Jilly, yes it denial by our parent(s) that they have become older and that they need more help. They will fight big time for their independence. My late Mom was very stubborn and we couldn't get her out of that house no matter what, even though Dad was willing to move. Plus Mom refused caregivers.... [sigh].

Will your Mom's cats live with you or other relatives? Not being around her pets will be difficult for a few weeks, and I think eventually she will forget about them.

Jillylotp, first sit down with an attorney, because you may need a court order to move her against her will. Usually two MD's have to certify the need, and they must be psychiatrists or neurologists who have tested her.

Thank you for sharing your experience. We're faced with going directly into Memory Care, we believe and they will not accept her cats which will be just devastating for us all, AND she has no idea that she is ill or needs help. So the idea of moving into a facility is truly agonizing. Not sure how to do it, broach it ect. Sounds like you were lucky with your dad. Thank you again!

Good question. Moving it back in. I'd like to hear some ideas as well when I'm faced with this next week, month, year..........