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She is 71 years old with dementia our fathers doesn't want to take care of her but have other relative take care of her except her children's and won't inform the adult children's

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What about the other relatives?
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Can you be in touch with mom's doctor to express you concerns? Are you worried that she's not getting proper care?
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There are no reconcile on his part he is a very vindicate person...what else can we do without dealing with him?
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Try to reconcile the issues you have with your father and relatives so you can get on their good side.. That way you can be involved in your Mom's care..
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