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I have posted several times about my situation. My bro has banned me from seeing or talking to my mom. I did take care of her 6 years ago along with caring for her BF. No one helped or called or even asked how things were going. My si flat out said she would never take care or our parents. My bro lets my sister off by saying, "There's always one in the family." But he expects me to do the sole care giving. My mom and her BF lived with me for that 6 years. I kicked the BF out because of abusing narcotic drugs. My mom chose to live with him. A year later they moved down by me and my sibs. I did everything, docs, Rep. Payee, shopping and anything else my mom needed. I wouldn't do for the BF. (Long story) My mom's BF went into the hospital and my bro calls and tells me to go over and watch my mom. For 3 weeks I had my bro come over in the evening where I could go home for a couple hours, eat and sleep. I had to tell my bro and sis I couldn't do it anymore. I have a mental illness and am on disability for it. I threw the whole thing in my sibs lap. As punishment, I can't see or speak to my mom. Am I wrong for giving up her caregiving? I know if I went back to say I would help with my mom I would be where I started from. I would be sole caregiver. I can't wrap my head around why is there life more important than mine. I cared for my mom's mom for 2 years before she passed away. My sis didn't have a place to live so I opened my house to her. She just paid utilities. We couldn't get along as she was telling me what I could or couldn't do in my house so I moved out. For 2 years. Then I told her I needed my house back. She was NOT happy. All my life I've been made to feel guilty and do everything no one else in my family wanted to do. My mom is my best friend. I haven't seen her in 2 months. Last time I talked to her and told her I loved her, she cried. My bro considered that drama so I can't see her anymore. My family is very dysfunctional. My bro raped me as a child for over 4 years and my father molested my sis for most of her childhood. I've called agencies and the police and an attorney and they say without my mom's address there is nothing they can do. I'm at my wits end. I tried to take care of her again but I'm 50 years old and have been doing everything my family has told me to most all of my life. I'm venting and need some advice or encouragement or to be told how wrong I am. I'm beating myself up over this. At this point, I don't think I will ever see my mom again.

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Your brother raped you???? Oh, sweetie, I don't know how you can stand being within 100 miles of him. He is evil and should NOT be taking care of your mom at all. I don't know about law but he should be in jail.
Bless your heart, you have been wronged on so many levels.
You need the court to step in and get your rights back.
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Thank you, all! Having my feelings validated makes me feel that there are people who care though it not be my family! It's my new family...prayers and hugs to you ALL!!!
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You have done everything possible for your mom, now it is time to let go and take care of yourself. You are at a point in your life where going back would only create further heartache for you. Take this as a sign of finally healing your mind from the horrors of the past. Embrace your freedom and start living for you!
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YES tell someone at "The Rape Crisis Center"......!!! They can help direct you as to where to go and what to do! This (so called person), bro should be in jail for what he has and still is doing to you! He already raped you.....and is "mentally abusing" you now, with your mom!!! He sure has an EGO PROBLEM if he thinks what he did to you was alright! Take YOUR stand , it's your mother too,and YOU have as much right, if not more, to be in her life!!!This needs to be looked at by a lawyer ASAP...........and let him know about the ABUSE from your brother! Good luck and Godbless
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Your Mom had to be aware of what was going on, even if on a subconscious level. Back then, years ago, no one talked about it. I found out the hard way that my abuser, an older cousin, was still welcome at family events while I was ostracized for saying such horrible things. I sincerely doubt that you were your brother's only victim, nor your sister your father's. My cousin later was found to have molested his own daughter, and stepdaughters from his several marriages. His cousin (paternal side) was caught on video raping a young boy. The cousin was sentenced to 6 years in prison, but he will be welcomed back into his rural community and church. People do not want to know, do not want to have the boat rocked, to this day in many places. Start rocking it. Contact a rape crisis center, as suggested above. Create a tidal wave. I love my Mom, too, and am her primary caregiver. Yet she permitted this cousin to do construction work on her home, and held his 4th wedding on the grounds of her home. They knew what had happened, I had been hospitalized in psychiatric hospitals for suicide attempts twice. He stopped after the second time. I can't help but be angry at my Mom, still. I take care of her, protecting her when no one helped protect me. There is a sad irony in that. Rape and sexual abuse center can refer you to an attorney. You may still be able to sue your brother, or contact police to find if there are indeed other victims. I suspect you will quickly find you were not the only one.
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I truly am in hopes that do to my brother raping me that the police might see the propensity that he could do it to my mom. Not that he necessarily would but there's no telling. Hopefully, I can convince them to do a welfare check on her and they can ask if she wants to see me. I know she'd say yes. My brother is just trying to block her and I from each other because I stopped taking over as the primary caregiver. My sis will have to figure out whether or not to report my father molesting her. I can't do that for her. You are right, things like that weren't talked about in the 70's. Supposedly my brother told his ex-wife but I don't know to what extent or details. His daughter will have kids one day and I don't know if he'd harm them or if my father would. He was a juvenile so he won't pay for it by the legal system. Only with the grace of God will he pay and with KARMA.
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I have been going to counseling for several weeks, talking to my uncle, talking with friends and I spoke to a pastor. Each has pretty much said the same thing to me only in their own words. They told me I have two choices. Risk not ever seeing/talking to my mom again or protecting my great nieces and nephews to come. I know in my heart my bro will never let me talk/see my mom again so the decision was rather easy. I received a card from my niece and her husband. My bro's daughter. I wrote a letter to her wishing them the best and all that good stuff on the first page. I also wrote on the first page that I had been thinking for years and had sought out spiritual guidance of a matter that concered me greatly. I told her that I included a second page with the info telling her that she and her brothers could either read it, shred it or not read it. However, if they chose to read it they can never not know what they learn. On the second page I told them that their father raped me as a child and that their grandfather molested thier aunt (my sister) when she was a child. I told them that I was tired of secrets and they needed to know the truth about their immediate family and extended family. I said that I am NOT saying that either of them will do anything to their children when they have them but I also wouldn't be able to not feel guilty if something happened to their children and I didn't let them know. I told them I didn't want them to change their feelings for their father or grandfather but they needed to know the truth. My sis's son was told by my sis that my father molested her so my nephew keeps a close eye on his two daughters. I didn't think it right that my other nephews and niece not know the potential for something to happen to their kids. I know in my heart I did the right thing. Furthermore, I am aware that I will be all the more ostracized from my family. If I can break this cycle of sexual abuse/incest then I will have done what I set out to do. My niece and nephews are in thier early 30's and mid 20's. It probably wasn't the greatest time of year to tell them but I need to stop feeling ashamed /guilty for something I didn't cause and educate my niece and nephews to be all the more vigilant. I've had guilt/shame for 41 years. Even with counseling it's a rough road to travel.
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Yes, I say talk to an eldercare lawyer.
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(((((yogi))))) your post brought tears to me eyes. You have done the right thing and you know it. I am very proud of you. Keeping the family secrets is horrible -much better to get them out on the table. You have no reason to feel ashamed or guilty, but I know it comes with the experience you had. You are a courageous youmg woman, and this must be healing for you, and so important for your nieces and nephew's children's safety. My prayers are with you. God bless. (((((hugs))))) Joan
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Joan, no need for tears. I have cried oceans of them and I am still here. I don't want pity just validation. I honestly don't think my niece or nephews will believe me. It will all be written off as me being angry that their father (my bro) won't let me see/talk to my mom. I KNOW the TRUTH. They can take it or leave it but I KNOW Iwhat did is RIGHT. I do feel that this will help me to start healing and to finally move forward in my life. God has given me a purpose in life. I don't know if this is what it's supposed to be or not. But I know He is Blessing me. Thank you, Joan. I am a survivor of incest!!!!!! No longer wanting or needing the victim syndrome. Thank you for your prayers, I am sure God will answer them.
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