I have a friend that is really in dire straight of some help in getting his Mom into a nursing facility. Any advice?

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He is forty years old and unable to go out and find a job to care for his teenage daughter because all his time is being put on his mother. He is stressed and wanted to be the care giver for his mother but now know that it is the wrong thing for him to do. He is very emotional and bothers him that he losing his daughter in the process of trying to care for mother. His daughter is now being disrespectful and argumentative because his lack of time being spent with her. He has siblings 2 (men) who refuse to help in so all the responsibility falls on him. Mom is unable to walk so he have to give her the bed pan when needed, bathe etc. and it has become too much to bear. What advice can I give him when it comes to the procedure in putting his mom in a nursing home where she is able to receive the care she so desperately needs.

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Every circumstance and every state is different. Medicaid paid for my mother to have a home health aide 24/7, so it is possible. I live in NY.
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Someone up thread mentioned something about the son preserving his mom's home if she goes to a nursing home. I have read that if an adult child of the recipient lives in the parent's home caring for the parent for 2 years, prior to their qualifying for Medicaid, the adult child will be entitled to keep the house free from Medicaid asset recovery, after the recipient passes away. Is this right? I think I've read it many places. Someone please chime in if this is not correct.
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The medicare website lists them by area and a 5 star rating system. 5s are rare but I will not look at anything below a 4 based on an experience my mom had for actual rehab prior to her actually needing nursing home care.

If his mother is indigent (no assets) and can be left alone for a few hours the state will pay for a part time home health worker to come in. Sadly, they do not pay for one to come in 10 hours a day 5 days a week. I include 8 hours of work an hour for lunch and commute time in my estimate.
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sounds like he needs to contact her doctor, call his office of aging for the elderly and get an appt to have her evaluated. then he needs to get himself/daughter into some counseling for their sake. Caregiving is hard and no one needs to feel bad if they can not continue to do so. I wish him luck.
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This morning I signed the final permanent papers at the home and my Mom is now a permanent resident. The adminstrator stepped us through all the paperwork and there is a lot and the transition was made very easy by her. Day 3 was very good when I went through the door I was greeted by two small dogs that walked with me to my Mother's room. She absolutely loves animals at first she didn't realize they were real and then she was so delighted. You hear horrible stories sometimes about nursing homes but when you find a good one it can be a very wonderful adventure. Good luck start with the primary physcian and they will guide him from there. My thoughts and prayers are with you!
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Bearhug, thank you for sharing that.
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Your friend should get her into a regular hospital for whatever reason he can find. Then don't let her get discharged back home. The hospital social worker will help fill out any needed paperwork and find a suitable placement for her.
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I have been my 87 year old Mother's caregiver for the last 4 years. It has become more than I can handle. I work a full time job out of our house and was trying to care for her. She started falling down and took a particular bad fall last Sunday where she landed up breaking her tailbone. I was at my witts end. She now requires catherization every 6 hours. I cannot do this. When I took her to her primary care physician and was told it was now time to let go they gave me a list of homes that also do respite care to start. I found the most beautiful wonderful Catholic facility within minutes of our home. I just came back from seeing her she has been there 2 days now. She is starting to meet people and realizes the 24 and 7 care she receives is now making her pain free and realizes also that I am still devoted and committed and will see her everyday. We are all resting and living much better now because of it. Good luck I wish you well as it was me as much as my Mom that did not want to let go. And the others here are so correct I had no idea how so involved I had become in her caregiving to the point everything else including me had suffered. I'm a much more relaxed daughter and she as well and she actually feels better physically because she is receiving the help I now realize I could not give her. Make no mistake about it my job is not done as I will be there daily meeting her emotional needs! My thoughts are with you!
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Sorry, forgot to mention - most jurisdictions will have self-help packets that you just fill-in for guardianship. The instructions will help walk you through the process, including number of copies and all filing instructions. God Speed.
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If Mom has a physician, get her in to see her/him asap - on emergency status. She may need a referral to a neurologist or neuropsych for quick eval. At the same time, file an emergency petition for guardianship. (I'm guessing there is no trust nor PofA in place, but that's ok). Generally, in most jurisdictions, an emergency petition for G does not cost anything. He needs to state the emergency and a hearing should be set quickly. As someone mentioned, Dept of Aging may be able to help in some areas; also look to see if there are any free legal services available, such as legal aid for seniors. Always, always be prepared when going into family court - have all documents ready for the judge - copies - he should maintain originals. Be prepared; ask a friend to assist in getting everything ready - his hands are so full already and his emotions are at the max, for sure. Support cannot be understated. And, look for a support group - people who have loads of similar experience.
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