My mom is currently in a rehabilitation facility after dislocating her hip twice. She is angry and me the guilt trip that I'm not there every moment if every day. I work full time and have a part time job. I'm trying to rent her house and have my own family. She has others who come and visit most days. She was actually mad that I would not come visit her at 10:30 PM after being out of town for a wedding. What is reasonable visiting schedules?

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When people want to send you on guilt trips, you really don't have to go, you know. You did not cause your mother's dislocated hip. You are not causing her neediness. I think you are too busy to go on a guilt trip!

A call once a day would be a way to touch base. A visit once a week seems good to me, especially since she has other visitors. But if she is going to spend her time scolding you or trying to guilt you, keep the call or visit very short. "I'm sorry Mom. Sounds like I've caught you at a bad time. I'll hang up now and hope that you are feeling more like chatting tomorrow."

You don't mention dementia. If that is in the picture that complicates things. But if Mom has her wits about her she will soon see that you aren't packing your bags for any guilt trip!
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Dear kelchu,

I'm sorry your mom is guilt tripping you. I know it's hard. There is a lot on your shoulder and I'm sure you barely have a moment to yourself. I'm not sure maybe your mom is afraid or lonely. Let her know you love her but based on your current responsibilities can only visit once a week or more if you have time. With some moms even if you were there every day it still wouldn't be enough. We can only do the best we can.
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I agree that once a week is enough. She needs to concentrate on the reason she is there. You need to look after you and your family first. She sounds very self centered. So she is mad - don't let it bother you.
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She is there for rehab not to host people socially. Visit once a week. If she doesn't like it too bad. You have other things to do. Just because she has a crisis does not mean all your other responsibilities just melt away so you can hold vigil at her bedside.
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Your mom is in rehab; she has hard work to do!

Does she have dementia? If she does, she is NOT going to be reasonable.

When my mom was in intense rehab, we tried to visit during the first week to meet the therapists and get a handle on what was going on. I think it's important for the facility to know that there is family involved.

I lived about an hour away from the facility, so I visited once a week, at most. My brother and SIL stopped by briefly after work a couple times a week.
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