My dear friend has been in a nursing home for about 5 years now. I want to bring him to my home.

He is also very religious and they do not screen the roomie's that he gets, sometimes there language and of course I dont blame them I blame the nursing home. I have tried to make it more homier for him there but thing disappear. They have gone thru all his long term care monies and took the balance from his home so they wont give him at least his own room.

How long do you think you can hold up working 24 hours a day 7 days a week? OH and you will be changing him, don't kid yourself, you can't let him lie in a pile of poo until tomorrow's aide arrives. You'll be tied to the house permanently because he can never be left alone. Ask some folks at the NH who have done what you want to do. Get their honest opinion.

If he's not sick, why is he in the nursing home? Your intents are noble, but I don't think you have any idea of the work involved in taking care of an immobile, incontinent man. If you can't even change him on your own, how are you going to manage 24/7 hour care 365 days a year on your own? My mom is 96. If he's in his early 80s, he could be living with you for 10+ years. Are you up for that challenge?

You'd be much smarter to go visit him and if the aides can help get him up, take him for a walk in his wheelchair or take him for an activity. Taking on his full-time care is a big, big mistake in my opinion.

I realize that i cannot let him lie in his own stuff, I took care of my mom so I no the time and energy it takes, I'm simply asking a few questions. Thank You for your comments but I did find them a little strong. And I also know that aide services are neither here nor there, and I would change him.. I'm already tied to being home..
I want him to be happier.. Have A great day and thanks for the input....

I think i maybe made the idea out to everyone that I wasn't going to care or change him Not my Intent at all, I was just asking if there was help out there. The reason he"s in the nursing home is because he fell once while living at home alone and could not get up and I was working 50 hrs per week I worried that if in fact he was cooking etc and that happened OH MY God just the thought..I'm taking this very serious NOT TRYING TO BE NOBLE! I guess if you put ur personal out there I should have expected this, I just though I could get Idea about some type of additional help. Again I took care of my mom and she was very mobile so I care about all caregivers out there..

This site tells me I have 2 Helpful Answer's, I don't think so!! I just felt like I had to protect myself instead of getting some NICE IDEAS and or help.. WOW Thanks for the support.
I guess I'm just different I never reach out for advice and I do and I get "u cant change him", why is he in nursing home etc,etc My God If this is a support page I'm Sorry For All!!! I'm looking for nice not nasty! Please if you have any suggestion's for me that are truthful and helpful,and are at least nice please responde but if your going to attack my good intentions don't bother.. I take this very serious
God Bless

My mother and step-dad raised this question after she went to a nursing home. The doctor refused to release her because she was not a safe discharge and her husband, confined to a wheelchair, was not able to care for her as she could no longer walk. It is probably possible to override the nursing home doctor, but their might be consequences like not being able to get back in that nursing home or any other one is this is found to be needed again. BTW, my mother had long term care insurance, but that paid as if she were not in a private room which meant more of her own money from her resources. Her LTC policy was not like my dad's where she could have had 24/7 care at home.

People ask why someone is in a nursing home to get more information so that they have a better grasp of the situation. I assume he has long term care insurance that is helping to pay for him being in the nursing home. Is that correct or is he on medicaid? My dad's long term care insurance pays for full time 24/7 care in his house. Would that be a possibility for your dad if he has long term care insurance?

It sounds to me like you have already made up your mind about what you are going to do which is fine.

Frankly, I don't see the questions people have asked as attacks on you, but as sincere questions because people care about you. For some reason your tone is very defensive which makes conversation difficult.

I don't see the responses as attacks either, but as a difference of opinion. People don't get into nursing homes on a whim, they have to be medically in need enough to be accepted there. The others are concerned that you are not being realistic about his need or your ability to meet them.
Does HE want to leave, or is this move based on your perception of his quality of life? Aside from the actual caregiving, the two of you living on your own would become very isolated.

This writing style and responds of the original writer looks very familiar.

He wants to be home!! And I want to do the right thing for him. I just felt that the person that were giving there opinions were reading me wrong.Maybe I did seem to be a little defensive because this is a huge decision for me, to suggest im being Noble hurt me for some reason. I can take truthful opinions that why i found this site. I just didn't like the tone! Believe me I took care of my mom for a very long time and know the sleepless night s and the hrs not enough time in a day f sure..
I always say the caregivers are so forgotten!! I have not made up my mind as of yet I want to do a little more planning.. And also suggest i wouldn't change him mad me upset. So Thank You!! A Little kindness goes a long way For Sure

This is not a new Idea I have been thinking about this for awhile here, and I'm home 24/7 now and that is why I thought to go forward process

Bonnie, some nursing homes will allow you to do a trial period, where you stay there and do all the care for 48 hours straight. See if you can do this, it will be very educational. Then let us know how it worked out.

I've read the "question" over and over and it's unclear what you are asking. He wants to 'go home'. You want him to go to YOUR home. You would need help in changing him. You took care of your mother for years so you know what is involved. The only question asked is, 'what do you (we readers) think of this'? We have answered that with our opinions: no one thinks this is a good idea. However, if you want to give it a try, maybe the doctor at the nursing home will release him for a week, a month, as if for a vacation? If the gentleman is in his right mind and can make a decision, I don't know why they wouldn't, a nursing home isn't a prison. But I would be very careful to understand what is involved, and make sure he can go back to the nursing home when time is up. They might not save his bed and you would have to start all over again if it doesn't work out. Maybe contact the ombudsman, ask the social worker there for the number and see what they say? Or an eldercare lawyer? Just throwing out thoughts, I really don't know what's involved. Good luck, please let us know what happens.

You really haven't given enough information for us to say it's a good or bad idea. What exactly is wrong with him, you say they have stopped getting him out of bed, I assume this means he's not able to get up on his own, and would therefore be a 2 person lift - if that's the case, how are you going to get him up? Or will he just spend his days at your home laying in bed, watching tv? And at 57, you are home 24/7 - so you don't need to work or are you disabled and can't work? I'm 44, and work full time, but even if I didn't work, I know I'm not physically capable of providing full time care for an 80 year old. You say you took care of your mother, who was probably smaller & lighter than he is, making her easier to move. There are a lot of variables that we don't know, I do know that if it was me, I couldn't come anywhere close to taking care of him just based on him not being able to get out of bed.

Thank You for the great feedback..