How do I get my wife to go the bathroom when I ask her if she needs to, so she doesn't wet herself?

This can be exasperating, can't it? Someone who is incontinent doesn't get the signal that she needs to go ... or at least not in time to actually make it to the bathroom. This isn't their fault, of course. But since the signal is malfunctioning, it makes sense to use the bathroom on a regular schedule and not wait for the signal. Does your wife have dementia? Is she able to understand a concept like this? Maybe working on it together as a problem to be solved would be more acceptable than just accepting your solution. Your potty signal doesn't work. How can we manage to keep you from having accidents if you can't trust your signal? If she can come up with the idea of not waiting for the signal but using the bathroom after every television show, or by setting a timer, or having you remind her, that would work better than resisting you.

Good luck!

my mother just started having problems where she just goes. I bought her depends and told her she has to wear them all the time. she was mad and complained they were uncomfortable. she lives in assisted living. I told her we all have choices in life-she can be embarassed and wet her pants in front of people or wear the depends and no one will know. she has been wearing them 3 days now and no more complaining.

bftboy,
This is a problem that we too have had with my mother in law. We have started setting her alarm to go off early in the am so she gets up and goes. This has cut way way back on the number of bed wetting incidents. She wears adult diapers max strength at night and med strength during the day. She has not had a daytime wetting incident in quite a while, but she hasn't fallen asleep in her recliner chair in a long while either. She realizes that she has this problem, and she tells us that she does not feel it when she has to go. This may be true since she does it mostly when she is asleep. As far as your wife is concerned, you may have to be up front and very frank with her and discuss that this is a real problem that has to be managed and tell her to get up once an hour or every two hours or whatever and go in and try to go whether she feels like she has to or not. If she can incorporate this into a routine, it would help. I hope this helps.