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In about 11 wks or less my sister, who is POA, is going away for the winter. I saw a surgeon yesterday and will be having another surgery(cancer 2 times) and I need to know what exactly will be happening with my Mom who still can not stay by herself. I had told another sister, who is not POA, that Mom will have to come home with me for a few days so that I can take my turn with her and specifically told my sister not to say anything to Mom until I myself talked with Mom...well my sister told Mom and she told another sister by no means will she go home with me or anyone else. I can not sleep at my Mom's and I have to get myself build up for the upcoming surgery or I'm not going to be any help to anyone.
My sister who is POA is dragging her feet and will not make any decisions. I even got some papers for Mom to go to a program that will keep her active in the day time and my sister will not fill out the papers--her being the POA, she's the only one that can. Thanks

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Last night I told Mom in front of my sister(POA one) that I was not staying overnight anymore. Mom tried ever tactic to get me to stay but I was pretty mad about the whole situation and I know I've got to get ready for this surgery and need to get my rest or I will have a time of it(in 4 years this will be my 6th surgery).
Before leaving I told Mom she could come with me and she said no..but then hedged about where she would sleep at my house. We have an extra bedroom so she knows that is not a problem. Mom does have dementia with her Parkinson so I know it's hard for her to make a decision but my Sister should step up to the plate and make the plans.
When I went over to Mom's today I filled out some papers that I had gotten for my sister to fill out on Mom's finances so she can go to an Adult activity thing near our home town that will keep Mom's mind active plus help her with here physical well being ....I just took what my Mom said she had and what went out...my sister knows exactly what this stuff is but will not do it. I just can't believe we come from the same parents....she really could care less about this stuff and here she is going away for 5-6 months.
Thanks so much for letting me vent!
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i agree with Jeannegibbs. 11 weeks is PLENTY of time for your POA sister to make arrangements. Your mother has already stated she isn't going to your house, and you can't go to hers, so it's up to your sisters to figure it out or POA sister can cancel her travel plans. You have a surgery coming for crying out loud - it's not as if YOU are "going away for the winter" on vacation...how inconsiderate of your sisters!!!!
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Lynn, I suggest that you not worry about what decisions your POA sister makes, or what your mother insists on. You can fully control your own behavior and decisions, so make your decisions and announce them to the entire family. "Beginning date xx/xx/xx I will not be taking a turn caring for Mother. That will continue through date xx/xx/xx and may be extended if I am not fully recovered from my surgery." Your mother doesn't want to come to your house? Fine. But you are not going to hers. Your other sister can't take on your turn as well as her own? Fine. But you are not taking your usual turn. POA sister can't make up her mind what to do? Not Your Problem.

I don't know who passed out the procrastination genes to your family, but you need to do what you need to do for your own health. Make your announcement. Then move forward with your plans.
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So sorry you are having your own health problems. I know all this other "stuff" just adds to your stress.

I have the same problem here. Sister will not make any decisions or delays them so long that it costs twice as much. How many times do you hear "I'm thinking about it" before you just say to heck with you and get it done. I refuse to have Mother's house fall into disrepair.

Took 7 months to get a tree removed from Mother's yard bc sis didn't like the looks of anyone who gave a bid. Several repairs are needed and she even hates her brothers-in-law coming to check on anything. Men who have professional careers and could care less about how clean she keeps the house. There are several things that need to be done before winter but no bids no nothing. Husband says just call and get them done. Right, Sis now refuses to give anyone a key to get in and never has the time to stay home so we can get the repairs made. It seems she likes being the victim and complain about how much she needs to do but can't seem to take that first step.

My main concern is that at some point this indecisiveness with impact Mother's heath. There are real days that I wish I were any only child in this caregiving adventure.
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Another sister, per Mom's request, is the other POA but she said she refuses to do it and Mom will not change it. This sister will not help with absolutely anything...she's "too busy" with her life to care for anyone else she claims.
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I started out being the sole POA for my mother-in-law, but then I had a medical emergency that started me thinking. What would happen if I were incapacitated and couldn't pay the bills etc. So I talked to my husband who is #3 son, and since he has no interest in dealing with the financial stuff for his mother he suggested his brother, #2 son. So now there are 2 POA's, but I'm the one with the check book and I'm still the one that pays all of her bills. We also had all three sons take her to the bank and get on her account with her as 'co-owners' in effect. I'm still only POA and when she dies my role is done and the boys can take over. So far so good. Having 2 POA's is possible because we figured it out, so maybe it's time you or another sibling also got their names on her accts. And what about medically when your sister leaves? Who gets to make those decisions? Better get that figured out too.
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