How get an unsavory character out of Grandma's house?


A 43 year old grandson has been living with my 97 year old mother in law for many years. Recently he became engaged to a lady we had never met. We came from another state to discover this 'lady' has moved in with the grandson and grandma. We were shocked to see she has taken over the house, moving Grandma's clothes to a smaller corner of the closet so she could fill up the entire other side with her clothes etc. Her mail and magazines are coming there, including collection letters. AND worse still, we learned this lady was arrested last week for using a credit card from another elderly lady without her permission and spent $30,000! (She supposedly was helping her) This lady, who is no lady, should not be in this house. She is currently out on bail and has a hearing in a couple weeks. My husband asked her to leave and the grandson is refusing to have her go, they ran to Grandma, and Grandma said they both could stay! Grandma is being duped! We are beside ourselves! How do we get this woman out when Grandma says it is OK? This is a HUGE problem. We live out of state too, Any ideas or where we can turn for help?

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in MichelleHearts defence....every one has an opinion this is America ..this web site offers all to engage in free speech.....if you are that thin skinned ....don't read the comments....if we all thought the same most certainly we ..would be goverened by a dictator..relax ...kick back...and have a beer...
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lighten up Michelle I'm sure you have read all the helpful advice on this problem including calling APS .
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I really don't need to be attacked by you ma'am. If I could I would delete my message. I still wonder who is taking care of this 97 yr. woman!! If I were a social worker I would be quite alarmed! Calling Adult Protective Services might be a good idea. You would find out exactly where you stand and do something constructive. Good luck.
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wow I think I'd rather reread war & peace.
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Guess some readers here failed to read what you wrote about this--that one response from Michelleheart was really out-of-line!

What you describe is very hard to deal with--especially at long distance.
There are quite a number of great ideas as to what to do--I liked Lori1943's suggestions.

Do you have POA?
If not, why not?
IF there is no POA, it's a good idea to get it will not help if Mom gets riled up over you in conflict over her grandson & his woman living there....please try to keep things calm until a POA can be achieved.

If Mom gave POA to grandson, then he can do what he thinks is right, legally, unless it can be shown/proved he does stuff that might be seen as endangering or abusive of an elder--that is an APS report issue.

Contacting the woman's parole officer, or at least clueing law where she is--she may be violating her parole. That she was caught taking C/C and charing large sums on it from another old lady, shows she may be up to that again. Therefore, it's real important that something be done fast, to try to prevent Mom's assets from being taken--the State might even view that very badly--
--State welfare does NOT like being ripped off, either---any elder who gets ripped off so that it causes that elder to require State Aid, well, DSHS might be interested in helping prevent that from happening.

Call her local police dept.; request "well-checks" be made--sometimes weekly.
Cops go to house, check on person named, report what they find.
It has to be written up in the police reports, usually, but there might be some glitches to this---you might have to call her local police via their regular phone lines, instead of dialing 911, since you are located far away.
So, make sure you tell them to please file a written report about it, so a file will be started on it.
Files accumulate, then can be referred to APS, which helps them make some determinations.

If a pattern of unsavory things is noted, or if police or APS see health issues, safety issues, etc., there may be grounds for APS moving her out of there to somewhere safe,
OR, if something illegal is going on there that police can see, smell, hear, they may have grounds to nab grandson and/or his woman.

Safety of the elder comes first.
Watching out for her assets comes second, but it still ranks.

If Mom still has all her faculties, you may have difficulty removing her from her home--even for an extended "vacation", if she understands you might be trying to move her outta there due to grandson & his woman. It will require all your most conciliatory communication skills to do something like that....& you may not want to move her in with you--you may want to just honestly take her on a vacation--something pleasant.

You need to learn if there is any legal arrangement allowing grandson to stay in her house. Is he helping her, or just free-loading because he can't find work and pay for his own shelter?

Is his woman there in some useful capacity? IF so, her parole officer needs to know--if she is outside her parole area, or, if she is doing work or residing in ways that violates the terms of her parole, THAT is a problem for her.
...and could get her yanked outta there faster.

It's common for parolees to have a tough time finding housing they can afford, or that allows them to live there. She may have had relationship with grandson for some time, to be able to move into grandmas' house that easily.
Which brings some question onto grandson's motives/actions.

OTH....he may be OK---many friends & family still love their jailbirds, and can't bear to force them to make their own way in the world....tough many families cannot bear to do that; it usually results in helping offenders keep repeating, unless and until they learn how to make their own way honestly.
But her living with another elder?
That is just tooooo tempting since she already was charged with that in past.

=Document everything.
=Keep up with her local police, to make sure they keep repeating well-checks, and writing up what they find.
=Contact that woman's parole officer and/or their local police to get them on it.
=If Mom is still classed as being competent, but is having some glitches in her reasoning and such, document those, and perhaps approach her Doctor, to see what can be done from there, explaining what is going on.
=Once some well-checks have been done, contact APS &/or Social Services, to report what is happening.
=Keep on it.
=Keep visiting, and keep things as friendly as possible, to prevent them getting nasty as a pre-emptive move against you.

Good luck!
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Go to the police, if like our experience you get ZERO help, immediately, immediately, immediately, get a court order to oust him. Do not tally, learn from our appalling experience.
Otherwise, you will find trouble at every turn.
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Actually, you can havae the locks changed--who is taking care of your mom while the hip heals? Loans/financial exploitation=elder abuse. Also, the lady has no right to change locks on your mother's residence (something additional to report)..what is her reason for doing so? Docment from this day forward date/time/ to elder abuse agencies with bullet points of your concerns and evidence (can you present documentation about loans?) Will your mother cooperate with you or side with the lady?
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Who owns the house/title? check into that and all financials/will?burial/trust/name of MIL attorney etc
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Get POA for financial at least and protect MIL's assets --once the $$ is gone it is gone so preventative measures are needed. You might have to go into town and have this done with MIL with you--it might be hard to do from a distance
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Who has the POA? If it is the 42 yr old grandson, I think he will be influenced by his new love interest. Was the grandson a caregiver or living off the 97 yr old grandmother? Will he put his grandmother's needs ahead of his own.

If he wants to live with or marry this individual, they are both of legal age so her moving her stuff in the home would happen. The criminal record, how extensive or not it is --would be my big concern.

If you fear for the 97 yr olds safety, you could take her with you or move her somewhere like the NH or ALF. If the home is sold to cover the cost the couple would need to move on with their lives as another address.
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