How do I get a toxic parent out of my house who doesn't qualify for any benefits?

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My mother is 58. She is disabled and we are currently waiting for disability to be approved. This process has been going on for 18 months now. The state of MD has some very old laws on the books about children having to take care of their "elderly" parents. Even though she doesn't qualify for any elder programs. She isn't contributing monetarily or otherwise to my household and yet she is draining my finances for her medication, and she has become verbally and physically abusive to my two daughters. How do I get her out of my home?

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If she is disabled, she should be on social security disabilility. If she is low income or no income, she should have a caseworker with the county social services. You get her out by having the police take her away when she hits somebody, and you get an order of protection to keep her away.
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Take her to the local er . If 2 psychiatrists agree they can hold her for 72 hours. Now she's in the system. A social worker and discharge planner will be assigned to her, ask for their help. Every hospital has a patient advocate or representative whose job it is to negotiate for the patient with the hospital. Inquire about them starting the medicaid process for her. Find an attorney who will help her get social security disability, their fee comes out of a portion of what she gets. I don't know exactly how that works except no money is required up front. Good luck.
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Don't call Child Protective Services. It will be your fault for failing to protect your kids from abuse and you'll get tangled up in a situation that will be worse. As for paying for her meds....ask her doctor for a lot of free samples. Talk to the county about benefits she may qualify for to get her rx filled by county services. Talk to the pharmacy about any plans they know of which help. Talk to the pharmaceutical companies about free or lower costs for someone who cannot pay retail prices. Ask the doc if generics would work. Is she on the right meds anyhow if she is still acting out? What is her disability anyhow? As to getting her out of the house, you could file for a restraining order to keep her away. You could go through local procedures to have her evicted. How did she end up with you anyhow? Can someone else take her/handle living with her? Can your kids go somewhere for a long summer visit while you take care of the problems? Is there any special holdup on her disability claim? Can you move that along?
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Anon - You are young to be going thru this. I figure that you are probably in your thirties or early forties since your Mums is only 58. A lot of us are in our fifties taking care of parents who are in their 80's and 90's and do not have to worry about a preteen and a teenager also. I am so sorry for your situation - so unfair. This should be your time to take care of your family- instead you are stuck with a needy, life sucking Mother who would never have take care of her own Mom but expects you to take care of her. That being said she really needs to get that SSDI so you have some options. I did the paperwork myself when I became disabled at 56 and was approved in 8 months but it was very daunting and I worked in the medical profession. As busy as you are it would be worth the time. They are all over the internet and take about 25% of the first back check. No money up front. The patient advocate that said you could be put in jail for 12 months was trying to intimate you. As far as I am aware of if you cannot provide a "safe" environment for your parent it is their responsibility to find one. That is the way it is in California anyway. Safe can used in a variety of situations. Example - the kids are at school and the parents are working - what happens if she falls? If you need help with the paperwork you can personal message me and I will tell you all I know about getting approval. You need some help ASAP!
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vegaslady, I will apply for state aid. After talking to "advocates" I was left with the impression (flat out told) every aid she could get hinged on the disability approval. I am becoming more upset with the realization that either these social workers a)didn't want to fill out more paperwork or b)would rather I pick up this mooch's bills before the state does. Doesn't matter to them that my kids are on the free lunch program and we are currently having our rent subsidized. And no I don't classify myself as a mooch even on these programs, I work 2 jobs and my husband works more than 40 hours a week. My mother however IS a mooch, never having a job, no SSI to draw from, wasting ALL of her inheritance, and EXPECTING I take care of her because I'm her child. She never took care of her OWN mother, who lived unassisted until 6 months before her passing at 78!!! I hate hypocrites and double standards!
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Please follow the above advice.Call the police and she will go to the ER and be held
for 72 hours.If she hits a policeman or woman ,doctor or nurse,it will solidify your case.Then she will be in the system and be assigned a caseworker.Have you contacted the doctor about this? They should be your disposal to get her out.Laws are laws but there will always be ways around them.You will likely need a lawyer to help with social security , medical documentation is vital. I know...the more members of the medical community you have behind you the better.Good luck and stay in touch
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I'd agree with you, Anon, it does sound as if your mother's advocate and SWs were really pulling a fast one on you. Tsk. You can't get Child Services to get them to back off? Your kids' needs should come first, and your mother - to be as cynical as they can be, sometimes - would be cheaper to rehouse and support. Sorry for all you're going through, best of luck from here.
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I am very sorry you are going through this, I went through a nearly identical situation with my mom when she was 57 and I was 29 (8 years ago). It took about 9 months for her to get SSDI for a combination of a broken hip and pelvis, as well as Bipolar disorder. I think you still have to wait 24 months after approval for Medicare to kick in, but if she is very low income, she may qualify for MEDICAID in the interim. I am guessing finances are very tight, but I would strongly advise you to see an attorney, as more and more state are enforcing filial responsibility laws and they vary from state to state. Some states CAN make you pay for housing and medical care, and even in states without formal laws...the children can be held liable if the parent is diagnosed with some sort of cognitive problem. My Mom was recently diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer's in addition to the bipolar, and she is not capable of good decision making nor can she handle her finances and her SSDI income puts her right at the poverty line. Consequently, she relies on my heavily for financial assistance. I considered just walking away- long story, my Mom has been mentally ill my entire life and it has drained me in every way possible. I was advised by an attorney and social worker NOT to do so, as I could be charged with neglect due to her cognitive state. I live in a state without filial responsibility laws and am still in a pickle, so please seek legal advice.

Has your Mom been diagnosed with any sort of mental illness? That typically speeds the SSDI approval process and may give you more options for getting her into some sort of facility.

Good luck to you, this is a crummy situation to be in.
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Pity you can't just pick up, move, and disappear leaving her behind.
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Ddesignz, unfortunately we cannot choose our parents and far to many people get stuck with "parents" in name only - I don't see it is wrong at all to feel resentful at social expectations that we should act like they were good parents, when in fact they were not. When a person has been an abuser lifelong, then it way be wise to accept that fact and act accordingly, rather than continue to cling to false expectations that somehow they will change.
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