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My mother-in-law is coming down with Alzheimer-confused-forgetful.
Her daughter inherited her land and home, and in return the mother is to be cared for by the daughter.

My mother inlaw's most fear is to be put in a nursing home. Now, the daughter is going to put her in a nursing home. The daughter knows well that is not her mother's wish.

There is nothing left financially to care for my mother inlaw. So I picked her up and she is now with me in my home and under my care.

It is not money, land or house that I am trying to get, but the DPOA. I feel that my principle is insulted. The fact that I am taking care of the mother, and have no saying. I feel like I am the sitter and the daughter gets to order me around. I fell sorryu for the old woman that her daughter has mistreated her own mother.

I would like to know how I can get some saying in caring for the old woman.

Thank you for your advise,

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Do you want to take care of the " Old Lady" for the rest of her life and a good part of yours? With all due respect, we're hearing one side of the story. Maybe everyone would be better off with her in a nursing home. No one wants to be in a nursing home, we've allnsaid this and heard this a hundred times. But too often because of an old promise old people are give bad care at home, caregivers are exhausted and families fall apart. That may not be the case here, just sayin........
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There is a real problem with the ownership of the land. Has it been in the daughter's name for over 5 years? If not, that asset has to go towards the care of the old woman.

Whether a NH is best for her, is up to debate. Many times it is, because they are trained to deal with dementia patients. I can't tell you how often the elderly disappear here in Tucson. Sometimes, it doesn't turn out well. Keeping her safe would be my first concern.
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You can't undo an old POA document with a new one. How do I know? I found out the hard way.

The first attorney in fact (holder of the POA) has to formally resign it using a special form - OR- an attorney will need to draw up the papers to rescind it. The new one won't be valid until the old one has been formally and legally "cancelled".

Search your Secretary of State's site for the form templates.
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She did not "inherit" the house because her mother is still alive. Inheritance only happens after the person dies. If MIL wants you to be DPOA she can sign and make you DPOA unless she has already been declared incompetent.
See an attorney and bring her along.
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It is truly kind of you to rescue your MIL by taking her in when she has no money. As long as she's in your place, I think her daughter has to kind of put up with whatever care you give. You're doing your best for your MIL, I would imagine, and shouldn't let the daughter boss you around.

However, as for the mother's wishes, this is a tough thing. Many people think they want to die in their own house, with fear of going to assisted living or a nursing home. However, that might end up being the best place for their health and well-being.

Think of this - if your MIL does get to the point where she doesn't know you, then you aren't really doing anything against her to let her live with strangers, because that will include you.

Likewise, don't blame her daughter either if she thinks she's doing the right thing. It's a tough situation for everyone.
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How advanced is the dementia at this point? If MIL can still understand the concept of giving someone the authority to speak for her, it is simply a matter of drawing up a new DPOA. Since there could be conflict over this, I definitely suggest doing it with an attorney.

How long ago did MIL give her property to her daughter? Is there a written agreement that in return Daughter will care for her mother? Who would be paying for a nursing home, if that is what happens?

Not everyone who places their parent in a care center is abandoning them. Many of us come to that decision with sadness but in our loved ones' best interest. It is possible (and of course we don't know the details) that MIL would be better off in a care center with frequent visits from both you and her daughter.

Are you now living alone?
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With Alzheimer's it comes to doing what is right for the patient not what the patient wants. Her daughter may have had all intentions of caring for her mother when the land and house were given away. But things change and people have to understand there are limits to what care can be provided.

As you can see it is not easy. Since you took it upon yourself to care for your mother in law, you will need to seek guardianship. You may or may not get it because the courts may appoint someone who is a stranger.

Make sure you are correct in you assessment of the daughter and her need to place her mother in a nursing home. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease.
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