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He has Stage 3 lung cancer and is in Stage 1 of Alzheimer's. He fell yesterday. He doesn't remember anything other than putting his hands up to catch himself. I'm an only child so everything is on me. I have power of attorney and I'm his Healthcare Representative. I do not want to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. The Home Health Nurse was able to talk him into giving me his vehicle keys but then two weeks later I'm talking to him and he starts yelling at me. That if I'm going to keep his keys then he won't eat. I was going to give him his key back then he falls and doesn't remember anything. So what if he goes out on the middle of the night and has an accident and leaves the scene. I would be sick!! Please give me some suggestions?

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nanafromindiana, I struggle with this too. I feel like the bad guy even though I know it is for my parents safety. I usually tell them that it is Doctors orders. Mother still drives and refuses to stop. Just like when my son was little and I had to enforce safety rules. I am getting better at it as time goes on and their dementia progresses. I so miss family harmony. They are unreasonable and agitated at times. I have called the Dr for help when it gets bad. The medicine he suggested trying made dad drool and sleepy. It caused confusion and unsteadiness in mother so we never used it again. Some days are better. I hope tomorrow is better for you.
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Sounds to me, he is in need of nursing home or memory care, and maybe hospice (if his cancer is stage 3??). Are you also his Medical POA? if so you have a responsibility to ensure he has the health care he needs, and access to aides if he needs it. Simply having cancer, doesn't need AL, but having the Alzheimer's, plus the cancer, and the fall risk -- all of that added together seems like much more than an AL would want to take on. In fact they might refuse to rent to him (but levels of care do vary, I don't know what your area AL offer). The thing with AL's is they have behavior standards and if he has these outbursts, that upset the other residents, and/or staff, he may be asked to leave....which would be very traumatic for him (and you). Maybe get some input from his doctor.
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No keys. Not only would you be sick, you would be sued.
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