My mom is 90 and my siblings live out of state. I never blame them for not being available to help. But they are in denial about the status of our mom's physical limitations because they don't see her. They don't get that she can't dress herself, feed herself, wipe herself. They don't realize that she cannot see that she is eating moldy food. They don't get that one of the reasons we have struggled with constant hospitalizations for infections is because she cannot properly care for herself. They don't get that she has fallen several times not only because her walking has become almost impossible but because "stuff" is everywhere and she is unable to pick up after herself. I tell them - but they don't get it. She lives an hour away from me. I cannot go there every day. When she is hospitalized I do go every day - which has been the case for the last 3 weeks and the time before this was only a month ago. They not only refuse to help me talk with her about a different living arrangement, they actually support my mother in continuing to live on her own and make me out to be the meanie. But when something happens, they NEVER get on a plane and come help. I am flipping out today because they sent me a "gift" for taking care of mom during these last several weeks. They sent me garden stuff and told me they wanted me to relax in my garden. I have been running around like a crazy person for 3 weeks, calling doctors, nursing homes, fetching stuff, caring for my mom's cat an hour away from me, spending minimally 5 hrs a day at the nursing facility (which is strongly my mother's expectation) and they send me garden stuff as though the only obstacle to me working in my garden was my lack of a sun hat. A "gift" would have been to show up. Right now I want to put it in a box, send it back to them and tell them to use the money towards plane fare. How can I make them understand?