I have 3 sisters and my oldest sister chose not to provide any help. My other 2 sister are providing a little help. Most of the time consuming work was left to me to deal with. All doctors appointments. While my mother was dying of cancer I promised her that I would take care of my father. But I expected my sisters to help. I am at the point of burnout and need to know how to get my sisters engaged

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I agree with jeannegibbs. I am looking into that now for my mom. I am one of 7 and only one helps. We are exhausted.

Littletonway - I would be on the lookout for her to be dropped back on your doorstep - what can you do to prevent that (besides move and not leave a forwarding address)?
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There are a lot of articles about this topic on this site. For example, here is one:

If you know why your sisters don't help, that might provide some clues to how to change things. If they truly don't understand what is involved or what is needed, you can solve that by being very specific in your requests. "There are 3 appointments Dad has to go to this month. Who is taking him to which appointment?"

If there is something about the nature of their relationship with Father that is getting in the way, you may not be able to overcome that.

If they are simply selfish twits, you may not be able to overcome that, either. (You could try shame.)

If all else fails and it is too much for you to shoulder alone (and apparently it is at this point), accept that there are other ways to honor the promise to take care of Father that don't involve doing every hands-on task yourself. Maybe it is time to look into what kind of in-home or care-center help your father can afford is eligible for.

Good luck to you!
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You just have to tell them flat out. You might try a mediator from a home health care group. They will evaluate your Dad and offer options available. His doctor can get this going for you.

If you can't talk to them, send a certified return receipt letter explaining the options...Dad has to be moved or they contribute to pay for a full time nurse to come into your home 7 days a week.

After two years, husband said enough is enough when I started having anxiety attacks and miserable arthritis pain. My two sister initially said, too bad you wanted her in your home deal with it. Obviously we can't talk! Sent a letter 2 weeks later with the above options and a date that we would be moving Mom into a nursing home if other arrangements were not made.

One sister is taking Mom. I am sure we will have to provide additional in home nursing care but that is okay. We will (1) get our privacy back; (2) I will not be up and down all night (3) maybe I can get off pain pills, etc due to lifting and constantly changing adult diapers and clothes and just maybe I will be a daughter again and not the unpaid help. Yes, yes get a bit of our former lifestyle back. I will still be involved in Mom's care but for the next 6 months I am going to take care of myself first.

One sister does nothing but visit 30 minutes every week or so. She is the golden child. The one taking Mom has never taken care of her for more than 8 hours. she is very good at sitting, watching TV and reading People magazine out loud. Not sure she has any idea of what she is in for. I tried to explain but both are in total denial as to the facts of dealing with an elderly, immobile, 88 year old lady who needs to be completely changedand fed at least 4 times a day. Thank God her mind is sharp as a tack!

Good luck and God bless! P.S. You cannot be expected to keep such a promise made when you were under terrific stress and situations change.
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