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after my dads recent passing, my sister and I see just how bad of my moms dementia really is. We need to get poa, diagnosis and help getting thru this. how do we talk to her doc? Whats the best way to get poa?

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An Elder Law attorney would be best for such documents. My 92 year old FIL has dementia and we worked with an Elder Law attorney to draft and sign the documents my husband and his sister would need going forward. My FIL sat in on the discussions. Just because someone had dementia doesn't necessarily mean they're incompetent or don't understand, at least in the moment, what is going on. He certainly understood, and asked questions. Now, months later, he's completely forgotten he did this, or says he talked to a lawyer about his will, even though there was more to it. His disease scrambles things, but he still grasps that he was involved. Because dementia is progressive, it's best to get these documents in order before the dementia reaches the point where even "in the moment" is beyond their understanding.

For the doctor, be open and frank about your observations. FIL could for a while still put on a good "show" for his doctors, which meant the docs didn't see the signs of his dementia for a much longer time than we, his family, did. When the doctors see you are concerned and working to do what's best for your mom, they will work with you. A caring family is what everyone, including doctors, want to see for our elders.
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missymo71, you mentioned you have the legal paperwork.... curious, who prepared the Power of Attorney? If it is someone that was printed off the Internet, please be very careful. One misplace word or one missing word could create a nightmare.

I have a feeling if Mom doesn't have a Power of Attorney, then she doesn't have other legal documents that usually go along with a POA. Like a Living Will, an updated Will, etc. These documents an Elder Law Attorney can discuss with your Mom. It will be up to the Attorney if he/she feels your Mom is still able to understand these legal documents.
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If you are confident that your mother fully understands fairly complex legal and ethical concepts like power of attorney and living wills... then how bad is her dementia? And in what way?

I'm sorry to read that your family has recently lost your father. Do you think it might be a good idea to give your mother a little more time to recover from that blow before you ask her to make these important decisions? Or is it that you believe your father's support shielded your mother from having to cope on her own?
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I don't think Idaho requires a notary, but it does require 2 signatures.

Are the forms you printed up specific to ID? If not, I suggest you use forms that are. (Easily available on the internet.)

Is there anyone who might contest the POA in the future? If that is even a remote possibility, I'd consult an Elder Law attorney to have the papers drawn up. Research what is required in ID for POA and Healthcare POA. If there is any aspect of the process you are not sure of, that would be another reason for having a lawyer draw up these documents.

Check costs for a lawyer to help with this. It may be worth it just in terms of peach of mind.

Good luck!
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I'd get legal advice on the POA. If it's not Durable, it won't survive her incompetence. Also, some require you to file accountings with the court. So, to ensure what she needs, I'd get legal advice. The other option is to get it off line, but, you it's risky.

Most require witnesses and a notary. If an attorney prepares it, they will likely need to chat with mother and confirm in their mind that she understands the document and wants to sign it without coercion or undue influence. If a doctor diagnoses her with dementia first, you may have your work cut out for you.
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Yeah mom knows and understands the poa. She also understand what a living will is. My next question is i have poa papers printed up. Does she have to sign in front of a , notary?
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Does your mother still understand what it means to authorize someone to act on her behalf if she cannot act for herself? Would she agree to have you or your sister have that role? If so, then she can sign the paperwork. If not, then a POA cannot be granted.

You don't need to talk to her doc to get POA. Let him or her know when you have medical POA. Tell the doctor privately (Perhaps in a note before the appointment) what your concerns are and what behavior you have observed. Persons with dementia are not always forthcoming with doctors.

Condolences on your father's passing.
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