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My Dad has POA for my gram but wants me to take over care because she is too much for him. Nothing has been done to secure gram's home and finances, etc. She's now in advanced stages and can no longer remember her birth date or last name, but she remembers me. Is that enough for her to grant me POA? I want to make sure I can give her the best I can offer without her going to a nursing home and losing her home. She has home health care but I'm afraid they'll come back on the house after she's gone to pay for it. My dad lives there.

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Thank you all for taking the time to answer. I'm trying to follow everyone's questions....it's really good to get the situation from outside perspectives. You've pointed some things out to me.

My gram was in a nursing home for rehabilitation on her hip. The depression she suffered from unfamiliar surroundings and being away from her normal routine was unbearable to watch. She'd fall out of bed in the middle of the night there trying to leave to go home. There weren't enough aides to help 24 hours, so she'd soil herself waiting for assistance to the restroom, etc. Her condition has improved since being home. But, I shouldn't be opposed to trying another nursing home with proper research and not going back to the same one. I just want to keep her with me as long as I can because her disposition is better at home. My employer is willing to allow me to work out of office and I'm off on weekends. Area Agency on Aging is working with me to get extended care hours also. Right now medicaid is paying for home care for 10 hours a day. My dad has 4 hours during the day and the night shift. I take the weekends from Friday night until Monday morning.

POA was only an idea so that I can take care of her appointments, medications,etc easier. Most people are getting familiar with me doing these things and only one doctor has asked for it. My dad would rather me do it is all.

I'm not attached to the home for inheritance or estate. It's purely sentimental selfishness on my part. They've had it 60 years. It's the home my dad was raised in and I've spend most of my 35 years there. I know I should let go of sentiment at this point and think rationally. It's just a house but it is also dad's home.
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FF beat me to the post button. I concur with her advice.
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How is the home health care payed for currently? I don't know that medicaid will pay for the full costs of in home care. If she were in a facility, on medicaid there may be issues recouping coast from her estate/house, but depending on the statevand situation Dad may be allowed to stay in the house.

Garden Artist is right, see an attorney. Are you worried about losing the home because Dad would become homeless, or is it just a question of trying to hang onto the estate, inheritance etc?

At some point, maybe already, elder care in the home is going to be 24/7 undertaking. Are you prepared to commit your life to this task? Would you ever consider assited living or nursing home when things get tough?
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Only Grandmother can appoint a new Power of Attorney and from what you have said about her memory, she won't be able to do that as no Attorney will allow someone with that stage of memory lost to sign any legal documents. Your Dad can still be his mothers POA, and someone else can be her caregivers, even paid caregivers can come in to help.

You really need to think long and hard about becoming your Grandmother's caregiver. You will have to give up any career you have, any free time you have, and friends you have because being a full-time caregiver to someone who has dementia is exhausting work. You will wind up working 168 hours per week. Hopefully your Grandmother can pay you for that work, so you will have some money to live on in the future. Can you handle that? About 40% of caregivers die from the stress while taking care of a love one, those odds are not good. Then what?

What is so wrong with placing your Grandmother in a nursing home where she can get around the clock care, where the caregivers work one shift and go home to sleep, fresh for the next day. If Medicaid is involved with her care, then Medicaid will place a lien on your Grandmother's house to help pay for her care.
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Read the POA to see if it has a clause allowing the named proxy to assign his/her rights to another. If it does, the safest way is to have an attorney prepare an assignment of his rights to you. The assignment will have to stand up to financial and possibly legal scrutiny, so it's worth it to have it done right.

If there is no clause allowing him to assign to someone else, his options may turn on what state laws provide in such a case. Again, this would really be a question for an estate planning and/or elder law attorney to ensure that whatever action is taken is valid, legal, binding and doesn't put you in jeopardy of lacking legal documentation for actions you eventually take.

What are your specific concerns that a home health care agency would look to the house for recourse? Or are you referring to Medicaid?
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