My husband and I may have to move. Mother is in nursing facility here and she said I cannot leave. My husband has been informed that within the next 12 months, his department is going to be shut down. He will be offered another job and he will be given the option of a new job - and take it or leave it. It could be in Alaska, Italy or most likely, Washington d.c , none of which we want to move to. So he is looking for a new job. I mentioned a funny phone interview that he had that did not pan out to my mom just to get her reaction and she said you better not move and leave me here.
I do have other family here, but it is very hard to get them to step up - it always has been and I am not sure if it is because my role in the family IS the caretaker, or if that is WHY I am the caretaker. I always have been, since I was a small child, at 15 starting work to help pay bills, and at 17 dropping out of school to help support the family while my sisters got pregnant and partied.
I am the main one who goes to see her, and it is me who buys her what she needs, even though I am severely strapped for money - out of work for 2 years and behind a house payment for 6 months now. I go to see her at least 3 times a week, and I still drive her to doctor appointments. One niece goes once every two weeks the other maybe as often, if we nag her, and my sister, MAYBE once a month - now that mom has no money to give her she basically has no reason.
I can NOT put my life on hold for her any more. I have been there for more than three quarters of my life! She lived with me and my husband for 12 years of our 18 year marriage - we were close to divorce by the time her health was to the point she had to be put in the nursing home, and now that she is doing so much better (better than she has been in YEARS) she thinks she should be able to come back to live here ( NO. I have even finally brought myself to sell her bed and the furniture in her room - was able to catch up a bill or two that way too)
I told her if we moved that there are nursing homes everywhere, and my husband and I have talked about giving her the option of going with us - to another nursing home near wherever we end up, but she can not live with us again. However - the problem will come in when/ if we move somewhere that is cold again - we live in Florida now and she can to take the cold weather. It doesn't matter to us - we are going where the work is.
How do I get past the guilt and explain to her that I can not keep my life on hold, basically waiting on her to die until we move on? She is making friends there. But I know she misses family, and outside of my sister and nieces, the rest are in GA, too far away for a weekly, let alone daily, visit.