Follow
Share

We moved our parents (ages 93 and 92) into an assisted living facility almost 3 weeks ago and they are unable to process not only why they are there but also exactly where they are (which is only 5 miles from the home they lived in for 53 years). Their mental states have actually deteriorated and they are worse now than when we moved them. Is this a common occurrence?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Yes, this is common. Believe it or not, three weeks isn't that long for an adjustment, especially after living in one home 53 years.

Also, any move at that age can cause some deterioration, however I'd guess that there wasn't much choice but to do what you did. Don't let guilt get in your way. Continue to visit and support them, ask the social worker and others what more you can do and perhaps check with the doctor for suggestions. Some people can make these transitions and get through okay. Others don't do so well. Life isn't generally easy for people in their 90s and choices are limited.

I'm glad you had the family to make this decision together.
Take care,
Carol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

God love them for reaching 93 and 92! They must have done something right to deserve such an honor. Having said that, why do you want them to "accept" where they live now? Their memories are in long term storage, and for them with dementia, the present is only temporary. Leave them alone with their reality as it exists now, and don't try to change their thinking. We moved 4 miles away from where we were, and within two weeks of walking our dog around the block, my husband lost "reality" and tried to walk back to our former apt. Thankfully, he walked into a Walgreens, they called police and he was safely brought back to me. (He now does not leave our property without me). Don't try to change anything with loved ones who have their own reality in their own space and time, and love them for the time you will have them. Merry Christmas and the best part of your story is that they are still together!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

My advice would be to wait, be patient and understanding. It took my mother a good 6 months to adjust, and by then, she realized that in fact she did need the help, that managing certain aspects of her care were no longer possible for her alone. If you can, tell your parents that the key to happiness in these facilities is ACCEPTANCE...they will get there eventually. It takes time.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

The move to an assisted living facility is a significantly bigger deal for them than for you. Their surroundings changed, their schedule changed, their space changed, their sense of ownership of the space they occupy changed, their degree of privacy decreased, some social networks may have been impacted and perhaps they actually have to now consider themselves "old". These would be significant adjustments for just about anyone. Yes, it takes time for acceptance of new and unwanted things. Perhaps it would be helpful to think about a time in which you had a sudden limitation placed on you or significant event which you experienced as being negative - broken leg, loss of a relationship, etc. Even though you know that a broken leg will eventually heal, there is a lot of adjustment involved in getting dressed, getting around, balance, etc. You could give your parents the gifts of grace and patience while they attempt to redefine themselves in this new space.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

All of the comments are right on target. Consider that, at their age, they have most likely become somewhat isolated and comfortable in their daily routines, (a good reason for seniors to stay active in 'brain games' and activities outside of their homes). What has not been mentioned is a chat with the Social Worker/Care Manager in the facility where your parents now reside. Some facilities advise against family visits for a week, or two, to allow the patient to adjust to their new environment and routines. With dementia they will, most likely, always want to "go home", but, leaving them to get used to new routines, as hard as it may seem on them, and on you, will often help them gain a sense of security. Again, speak with the Care Manager and ask if this might help your parents before trying it on your own.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Yes, it is a common occurance. Initially our parents might feel this but gradually they start adjusting to the new environment. I had moved my grandmother to Luvida Memory Care in Belton, Texas last year and she is more than happy staying there. Even she took her time to adjust there but now she resists coming back home. So you must not worry!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It's been so helpful to read this particular post. Mom has been in AL for 25 days today and is not happy, has not accepted it, doesn't want to be there, why can't I be at home?, etc. She has moderate Alzheimer's. I guess it's moderate, she knows us all, but short term is really bad. A friend who lives in her home, took her out and brought her home one day for 'just a little bit'. I was shocked. I was at her house looking for something she wanted me to bring in to her and getting her mail when they walked in. This episode took her back to square one. She started all over thinking she was moving in with my sister. Luckily I was able to get her to go back without too much trouble. I'm hoping taking down a few more familiar things from home to dcoraye for Christmas will help. Blessings to you all!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It's hard to convince parents that are not willing to stay in adult care homes. I suggest, do o forcibly take them to senior living communities. You can hire a caregiver to look after them. I think, many seniors today prefer an independent life. My grandpa was obsessed with living such a life even in his dementia stages.He spent his final years in Prestige Care Inc, a dementia care home in Oregon. We miss him badly.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

What is everyone's opinions on bringing mom back to her home to pick up a few things? I've heard mixed reviews on this and was just wondering what everyone's thoughts were and how much time you recommend we allow to lapse before doing this. It's only been two weeks since mom moved to an alf and I'm thinking that might be too soon to take her back to her house. She asks to go visit but I've been holding off while she adjusts to the alf. Thoughts anyone?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

These elderly parents need time to grieve the loss of their home, privacy and
independence. I do not think a person should be taken back to their former home it only opens old wounds. Bring in things they request that can be practically accommodated in the new living space, although it is best to make these choices before the actual move. Everyone is different so you will have to decide for yourself when you feel parents are sufficiently settled if ever to return to a former abode. imagine how you would feel if you home and belongings were completely destroyed, it is a huge adjustment.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.