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She has aides which come 7 hours a day but it isn't enough. They dont really take the time to do or to make sure is is properly taken care of.

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you get paid in leftover / excess pills . fyi , dont eat those round red gelcaps .
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BridgeBum654321,

Sounds like a serious heart to heart discussion with your only child husband is needed at this point to explore any and all alternatives to you bearing it all. You, your health, your finances and future retirement don't need to be thrown under the bus for his dad anymore than they do for your own parents one day.

Let us know how things turn out.
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BridgeBum654321, one can obtain tax credit on income tax if the parent qualifies as a "dependent" where you are paying 51% of that person's care, food, housing, clothing, medical needs, etc. It would be nice if the "dependent" status for an elder would give the tax payer more because an elder continues to be dependent and never returns to be being independent :(
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I have a somewhat similar situation, but it is my father-in-law that I am caring for.

My husband is his only child. So the care defaults to me.

Personally, I am beginning to think that the assumption that a family member (read 'female') will take care of the ElderOne is a crock of potamus. Hear me out.

If the ElderOne was in a nursing home, the government would probably be footing at least some of the bill for that through Medicare or some other program. BUT if a family member (read female) takes care of the ElderOne, the government doesn't have to shell out one red cent to the family member. Considering that 40% of ElderCareGivers die before the ElderOne, this means the government doesn't have to pay out as much for the care of the ElderOne and doesn't have to pay as much Social Security and other benefits to the ElderCareGiver. Ok, I am not really a paranoid conspiracy nut, but....

I propose that the ElderCareGiver should at the very least receive some income tax credits for the service that is provided for the ElderOne. A 10% reduction in income taxes owed would be a nice start.
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Maybe she needs some new aides? What do they do since they are not taking the time to make sure she is properly taken care of? What do they need to do? Have you discussed these things with them?
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Majority of grown children do not get paid for caring for their parent unless the parent can afford to pay them from their own retirement fund. If a parent can afford to pay, then it would make more sense to hire a certified caregiver so that you can return back to work.

You could call your State Medicaid office to see if your Mom could qualify for Medicaid. If she can, then the State can send in help for a couple hours a day. Also check to see if your State has the "Cash and Counseling" program... each State is different, with different programs, rules and regulations.
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