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My father was a marine he died in 97, my mom is 87 and refuses to go to assisted living. I live with her, she has dementia and I take care of her. She falls a lot so I cannot move out. I lost my job in November from missing time because she was hospitalized twice in 1 month. Is there help for me as a caregiver?

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Hi Laurie -

This is a great question. Many people have it. You are not alone. First I would like to commend you on your deep commitment to care for your Mom. That's wonderful.

Regarding payment for caring for your mother I recommend considering a few courses of action:

#1 - Use Retirement Funds - speak with your Mom and your family about allocating some of your mother's retirements to pay you for your work as a caregiver. Share with the lost income you have due to caring for your Mom.

#2 Pool Family Resources - If your mother doesn't have the funds available consider pooling family assets (from siblings, aunts, uncles) to pay you for providing care.

#3 Increase Your Inheritance - If funds are not available to compensate you for your work as her caregiver speak with the family about potentially reallocating inheritance funds to compensate you for this time.

You deserve to get paid. Taking up this conversations with your family is being an advocate for yourself and your own family. You can do it!

If you want further strategies on how to get pad as a caregiver I speak further about them on my blog in detail with specific tools and conversations scripts. Best of luck to you!

1. 4 Common Strategies - http://bit.ly/1yLx7Kl
2. 4 Alternative Strategies - http://bit.ly/1ttPMtq
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I always ask, what will happen to your mom, if she outlives you? A full 1/3 of the caregivers die early. My sister did. I really wanted my mother in a full-time care facility. She is there, now and thriving. But my sister's insistence on keeping her at home, did neither of them any good.

My gosh, take care of yourself. I don't think that you are enjoying your life. At some point you have to throw in the towel.
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To find your local area Council on Aging, go to https://www.agingcare.com/local/Area-Agency-on-Aging, then click on your State.
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Sorry I got off topic. Didn't realize I wasn't on "My Whine Today" site. Thanks for understanding.
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Contact the Veteran's Administration for assistance, they may have a program that would allow you to do so. You can also contact your local Area Agency on Aging, they will be able to explain their programs, how they work and the eligibility criteria. Good luck.
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I am my mother's durable and medical POA which has caused much "anger and hate" from my sibs. My Mother is pretty well off financially and can afford extra help. I just found someone after much searching. Live in a rural community and have been looking for 2 years. Feel blessed and hopeful as she is coming today for an interview.. My mother also has nursing home insurance, but I am not prepared emotionally to put her there. I don't want to have to do this until she doesn't know her name. I do feel some "FOG" but reading you comments has helped a lot. My health is declining. Back problems returning. Have MRI scheduled for Monday. Not willing to go through sugary again as a spinal fusion is the only real option I have found. Looking for alternative options. Taking pain meds, which I hate to do, but can't cope without them. Just started them yesterday, pain scale 8 out of 10. I am fine financially but emotionally broke. Missing my family who live 4 hours away. Feeling sad and lonely today, feeling regrets about some decisions I made in the past. I have insurance through my husbands work. Hope to feel better as the day goes on. Enjoy your comments so much. Need to thank God for my blessings and quit this pitty party. Working on this.
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Do a search in the search site box in the upper right hand corner using the phrase getting paid for taking care of parents and you should see an article or two. Most caregivers don't get paid anything and some who do have a written contract with their parent to pay them so much per month for doing certain caregiving duties.

Are you your mother's durable and medical POA? Are you an only child or do you have any siblings? Did you know that 1/3 of caregivers die before the person they are caregiving for does?

How well off financially is your mother? Can she afford to have extra caregivers hired to help take care of her at home?

My dad is 89 and has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's and has three caregivers a day for 24/7, but he has long term care insurance which helps with the cost.

At some point as your mom's dementia worsens, you will need help in taking care of her. Do you have a plan for when and if that day comes?

How are you financially and health wise? Can you afford to not be working and not have any health insurance, etc. Remember to take care of yourself.

Good luck and keep in touch.
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