When my mom was able, many years before she passed she used to live to garden. I took some plants from my moms garden when we moved and bought others that I remembered her liking thru the years. Now when I am out in the garden i often think of my mom. Especially when her see butterfly's around her butterfly bush. Another thing that helped me was to talk about my mom. Just little things like, when we have meatloaf I have to say as we all sit down, this was Nans favorite meal. It took me a good year of just feeling so lost but it honestly gets better with time. Your mom is truly with you every day 😇
I don't know the answer because it is probably different for everyone.
It has been 7 months since Mom passed. My sister and I are going through a very odd stage in our grieving but we are grieving more now than when she passed. For 10 years Mom was a negative, whining, complaining, stubborn and argumentative person. We did everything for her even though she lived in a lovely IL facility, had plenty of money, etc. She sat in her apartment and made herself miserable. She drove us to distraction and we often discussed with the family that in her 90's she was so blessed with good health but chose to be unhappy and wanted to make us miserable too. It seemed to us the best thing for her was to pass in her sleep since she was so darn unhappy and could not accept she was aging and never enjoyed anything. But she lived to be 101, and broke her pelvis, ended in a NH and slowly faded away. It was awful to see, and when she passed, we felt only relief, very little grief or mourning.
Now, 7 months later, we are beginning to grieve, to remember the person she was when we were young. Now we grieve for the kind, quiet, gentle person she used to be before she was 70 (my age!) and that is the person we miss so much. Now we are suffering the "what if's", what if we had been more patient, what could we have done for her that we didn't do, did she know we loved her, did she know or remember we used to get so upset with her, etc. Now I lie awake at night picturing how she looked those last two months, and it pains me so. I pray that in the end she was peaceful and didn't know the end was coming, and that somehow she was aware we were there that day to say goodbye (she was deaf, couldn't hear at all, and was on morphine and tranquilizer so was out of it). I wish I knew the answer for you. I suppose time will help, and good memories and remembering that she would not have wanted you to stop living because she is gone.
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An easy answer to your question, you don't. You learn to adjust your life without her there, but the pain and loss, never truly go away.
It has been 7 months since Mom passed. My sister and I are going through a very odd stage in our grieving but we are grieving more now than when she passed. For 10 years Mom was a negative, whining, complaining, stubborn and argumentative person. We did everything for her even though she lived in a lovely IL facility, had plenty of money, etc. She sat in her apartment and made herself miserable. She drove us to distraction and we often discussed with the family that in her 90's she was so blessed with good health but chose to be unhappy and wanted to make us miserable too. It seemed to us the best thing for her was to pass in her sleep since she was so darn unhappy and could not accept she was aging and never enjoyed anything. But she lived to be 101, and broke her pelvis, ended in a NH and slowly faded away. It was awful to see, and when she passed, we felt only relief, very little grief or mourning.
Now, 7 months later, we are beginning to grieve, to remember the person she was when we were young. Now we grieve for the kind, quiet, gentle person she used to be before she was 70 (my age!) and that is the person we miss so much. Now we are suffering the "what if's", what if we had been more patient, what could we have done for her that we didn't do, did she know we loved her, did she know or remember we used to get so upset with her, etc. Now I lie awake at night picturing how she looked those last two months, and it pains me so. I pray that in the end she was peaceful and didn't know the end was coming, and that somehow she was aware we were there that day to say goodbye (she was deaf, couldn't hear at all, and was on morphine and tranquilizer so was out of it).
I wish I knew the answer for you. I suppose time will help, and good memories and remembering that she would not have wanted you to stop living because she is gone.