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My aunt (POA) just took my grandmother out of my home that I'd been caring for my grandmother with dementia for the last three years. I work full time and had a caregiver for her during the time I was not home. But I am so upset, and my heart breaks because every time I visit my grandmother (which is almost every day) she asks me if I will take her home. She begs, pleads, yells, cries, refuses to talk to me, etc. She raised me, and NEVER acted like this in my 29 years on this earth. I cant help but cry right in front of her that I cant take her home. I cant mentally handle fighting for power of attorney from my aunt, because the rest of the family backs her up. Yet NO ONE has come to help me with all the things over the last three years AT ALL. Not when the kitchen flooded, when she started to become incontinent and pooping all over the carpet (GOD BLESS the inventor of a carpet cleaner). The nights of being up to 2am taking care of her and getting up at 4am for work. Let alone me giving up three years of my twenties to take care of her when no one would step up. I guess how to get over the family animosity as well. I cant even get any information from the nurse about her health plan, meds, diet, etc. because my stupid aunt wants to pretend to all the facility that she has been there every step of the way through the dementia decline when she hasnt visited her in TWO YEARS!!

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wow- i know how this can hurtt your heart- how it
can consume your thoughts-
its so frustrating and overwhelming-
i hate this disease and how it can eats away at us-from the inside out.
i have been going thru something similar.
i took care of mom for over 12 yrs-but once an ins.policy kicked in,my brother manipulated
the situation, lied, moved her 4 hours away,put her in a nh-blocked me from continuing to be an active advocate and daughter-couldnt get any info on her health-her documents-her house-her possessions-i dont know what gets into
the minds of family members that makes them need to control everything, no matter who it hurts.
i want u to know, so many of us have
cared for, done the dirty work,been there with their loved one who going thru this frightening process,have experienced some very bizarre behavior from siblings,and other family members-and then we are being excluded, disrespected,insulted and considered a problem.
i am still dealing with this-it isnt easy- but somehow, u have to do what you feel in your heart-
and to remember to take care of ourselves-and our sanity-
everyone is different-
what works for one person, may not work for another-no one has the answer- we have more power than we think-- we need to trust our gut-easier said than done-
we cant let others make us feel like we are no longer needed-,not valued, not important to the person we are taking care of.
i dont know if what i am saying helps- but this is a great plae to vent and get some good honest and sincere advise-
i send you hugs and love- and some positive energy.
keep posting-it helps!
love,karen
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Your are only 29 years old and have done all of this for your grandmother. You are a young woman with wonderful character. Be proud of yourself. You have done all you can. Just visit your grandmother and give her love. You are truly special.
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Jenna, My heart goes out to you and you have been a wonderful and caring grandaughter. You will be blessed in life for all that you have done; especially at such a young age. It is out of your hands now; and I understand that it is heartbreaking to visit your grandmother and she is begging to go home. Just remember all that you have done for her and you can be there for her at the nursing home.

It is an adjustment to live in a facility as is any new environment. Hopefully, she is in a nice NH and getting quality care. Even though you do not have access to her health care; at least you can visit her and if you have concerns, you can still voice them to the nurse or nurse manager of the floor - no one can stop you from that and I think you will find most nurses are agreeable.

As said above, you are there for your grandmother and just know she appreciates and loves you no matter what even if she takes her frustrations out on you. And dementia causes agitation as well. Blessings to you and take care.
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I'm not sure how to help you, but I do understand how you are feeling. I too am the only one in the family to step up and actually care for my parents. I get no credit for what I do, and my brothers and sisters don't visit often and act like I don't exist. I do know that my Mom and Dad appreciate what I did/do for them and that is what keeps me going. I try to concentrate on doing what I think is right and not dwell on what others are doing or not doing. As I say, I try, I'm not always successful.
You are doing a great thing for your Grandmother, you are being there for her and I'm sure she appreciates what you do, and loves you.
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