She hates it there but has to be there. The assisted living facility said she had to move since she kept falling and needed 24 hour attention. Her mind is so good yet that it's hard for her to be in such a place but I can't care for her at home, hers or mine, since I don't have the ability to do that. I am 72 and she is 97. How do I handle all of this without constant guilt. She tells me I hate her which I don't but not exceptionally close with her either. My brother and I never like to visit because when we do , she complains all the time and is so unhappy where she is. I have no choice but to have her there but never wanted to put her in a nursing home. Feel she will live another long time and I don't know how to make it better for her.

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Are there any activities at this place you could get her interested in?
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When you visit, bring her talcum powder...a small bottle of perfume...a small bouquet of flowers...some candy...some little pretty she might like. Bring your manicure set and polish her little nails. Arrange for her to have her hair cut once in a while. Bring her new slippers...a pretty little cheap bracelet. In other words, give her something that just might please her and give her something to talk about. "Did brother bring you anything when he came?"

Try to distract mom. Visit her on days and at times when the nursing home might be having a little program. Bring her and a few friends a tiny Dairy Queen sundae. Bring her bows for her hair. Take her and a friend outside to get some fresh air.


And, after having said all that, if she is still complaining, remember how teeny-tiny her world her universe centers around her kids who visit and herself and bring compassion when you visit -- along with a spare duck's back so her criticisms can roll off easier. ;)
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