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Posting this similar to another thread, though don't want to jump in on theirs which was a bit of a different scenario. My family back home in Australia are in a similar situation, except that my/our mother is not a nice person, has alienated herself from everyone, is relying on a couple of my brothers to supplement her pension, is refusing to sell her townhome and move into an over 55 or ILU community, and keeps demanding they help further by paying bills as they mount. Our mother also still keeps on about my Dad who passed several years ago, and who she divorced about 40 years ago, and makes up nasty stories about everyone, which she emails to people in different parts of the world, so none of us speak to her. She's also 85, though reasonably healthy, except for a couple of issues. I have 3 brothers there, all married with families, and they don't know how to handle this, and don't want to keep paying for her when she could sell her apparently valuable property and do well living from that (I'm out of the picture as struggling as a single Mom here.)

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Hi, thanks all. Have shared with my brothers, will see how it goes. Really appreciate the input your responses.
Hugger1, thanks for sharing and yes it's hard and I know impacts us all on state of health, even for me so far away. Seems the tough stance may be the only option. There's the feeling that the miracle may happen and they may recognize or take responsibility their actions but no it just gets worse it seems.
And rovana thanks I don't believe there are filial laws.
Good you happened to speak to your pastor who was sympathetic and helpful.
Well best wishes to all as we deal with aging parents, God bless.
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What is the legal situation in Australia? Are there filial support laws? If not, then your brothers must learn to say "Sorry, no money." Do not apologize or try to explain - it merely makes mom think that you are open to argument or discussion. Just no. The boat has sailed.

If there is some kind of guilt involved here, then it would be helpful to discuss with a clergyperson - I was in that situation and almost by accident discussed it with my pastor and found out that what I thought I was morally bound to do as a Christian, was not so. I had fallen for a lot of nonsense. If mom has property she can sell then sell it and support herself in reduced circumstances. For pete's sake we would expect to do that ourselves, right? So why should she think she gets what she wants at everyone else's expense?
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I don't know the answer, except to protect your own assets and your own sanity. See if there are any support groups in the area for adults dealing with or caring for difficult elderly relatives. Get your own lawyer, counselor and executor to look out for YOUR financial interests. Get counseling for YOU and your husband, if he's willing.
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Suzyv123 - Bless you and your brothers for trying to help her.

Going through this with my 86 year old mother in US. She is full blooded German and looks to all of us to support her in her old age. She has ALWAYS treated us as her servants. Her parents had money - so she never had to work a full time job. Someone always took care of her - either my grandparents or my father.
I have five siblings and we are in our 50s and 60s with our own health issues and full time jobs. We have tried and tried to help her but she is mean and nasty and nothing we do is enough. I walked away 18 months ago. It was very hard but I saw her true colors and realized, there will never be any LOVE between us. My siblings continue to enable her. She also is sitting an expensive property that she could sell but refuses. I am interested to hear other responses. It is heartbreaking.
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Suzy, time for your brothers to stop enabling your mother by paying her bills. The brothers need to erase from their foreheads the word ATM [automated teller machine].

Then and only then will Mom realize that she can no longer afford her home, that it is time to downsize and move into something more affordable. But at 85, she might be stuck in her ways, but it is worth a try.

Next time Mom has her hand out wanting money, your brothers needs to say "sorry, Mum, we can't afford to help you" and say nothing more. Just say "sorry".
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