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My mother does not want to move out of her chair in the living room. Not to go to toilet, nothing. I need to change her pull ups. but it seems impossible. I plead, beg, try to be firm, give hugs, nothing works. She sits in the wet or soiled pull up for hours. I know she finds it physically difficult to get up and I try to support her but she leans back cries out that I hurt her so eventually I give up. She does not cooperate to try and get up. (and I understand that she does not understand what Im asking but I need to get her cleaned up!) Any ideas?

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Trying to get her up if she is resistant and has mobility problems may result in you getting hurt or her getting hurt. (Or both of you)
Have you tried a Sit to Stand or if she can not support her weight you may have to use a Hoyer lift.
I used a Sit to Stand for my Husband for quite a while and the CNA from Hospice suggested several times that a Hoyer would be easier. I resisted but it came time and once I got used to the Hoyer it really was easier to move him.
It just might be easier to change and clean your Mom while she is in bed this is where the Hoyer came in handy. I could place him on the bed, change him then lift him back up into his wheelchair. It was shortly after we got the Hoyer that I came to realize that bed was actually the safest place for him. I could change him easier, roll him if he began to cough or choke and since he was sleeping most of the time the hospital bed we had was an alternating pressure mattress so I did not need to worry about moving him, changing positions extremities.
So consider getting a piece of equipment to help you both.
If you think she is eligible for Hospice contact one of your choice and they will set you up with all the equipment and supplies and help you need.
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All the answers above offer excellent advice. I waited too long to place my husband in a facility, damaging my own health. Take action now.
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I have said it before and will say it again and again......if someone simply will not do anything that they should be doing and you are doing everything humanly possible to help them and still get no cooperation - you will soon find it will destroy YOU. If YOU are willing to be destroyed, keep doing what you are doing. If NOT, then they have to be removed and put into a facility. Heartbreaking? Yes, but there is NO other alternative. And I don't care why they are doing this behavior. You must think of YOU first. Good luck.
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A few ideas--
#1 If you can afford it, buy a chair that is able to automatically put the elder in a standing position.
#2 Tell her that she is ruining you furniture.
#3 Get someone from the VNA (Visiting Nurse Assn) in to get the job done.
#4 If all else fails, use lots of concentrated room spray.
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I wouldn't continue trying to get her up. It is too hard on both her and you. I would look for a place that she could receive the care she needed. As much as we may want to keep our parent at home, there can come a time that they need more help than we can give them.
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I am an occupational therapist and I work in a long term care setting, primarily with dementia patients. What you are experiencing is very common and difficult. I am assuming she has been diagnosed with dementia? You didn't say. Either way, you are a caregiver and often times the last thing you want to hear is that you should put your loved one in a facility. Please know there are options apart from this! Working with a geriatric care manager is one way of getting in touch with the right agencies to keep your loved one in her home as long as possible!

I agree that you do not want to hurt yourself in trying to get her up by yourself, but I don't agree that you need to drag her out of the chair or use verbal aggression. That will work against you. The recommendation of a hoyer/sit-to-stand is wonderful! Depending on insurance, with referral and medical necessity, insurance will participate in these fees. This could greatly reduce your physical stress! If your mother enjoys sitting in a recliner that allows her to be close to laying straight back or enjoys sitting in bed, there are ways to change her brief by merely rolling and manipulating. Learning this technique to ensure proper hygiene would be a great way to start. When this becomes routine, it is at that point you may consider trying various ways to implement alternative physical activity!

Please know you have options!! If you have any questions, feel free to reach out!
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This is a big problem. Sitting "in it" all day can contribute to a UTI. They have this problem with Mom at the AL. They r not allowed to force her. I was there one day when they were trying. I spoke softly in her ear and told her she needed to go with the aide because she smelled. She went. I think the lift chair is a good idea if it hurts her to get up. Would it be possible to put a commode near her. Maybe get a screen for privacy.
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I haven't read the other answers so someone may have already said the same thing. Yes, I would recommend a Hoyer lift if you can get one used off of craigslist. They are easy to use and she just has to turn to her side two times for you to slide the sling under her and then you can do the rest. I'd also suggest a hospital bed. I don't know if that's realistic but I've seen them on craigslist and they do help in terms of being able to change a person.   Are you using the kind of disposable underwear that have the tape on the sides? Much easier to deal with than the pull ups. Especially if she refuses to stand up. Again, you just need her to turn to her side twice. And have pillows on each side for her to turn to so she is comfortable with the idea of turning. I hope that helps. Good luck.
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I might hurt your feelings, but you have a situation that requires your mother to be in long term care, period. No one wants to do this, but when someone cannot be tolited and or changed if they are incontinent, they are beyond a non professional situation. Human dignity comes first. Hard as the entire process is, Medicaid, spending down assets, putting yourself and whatever financial reason is holding you back, you need to do it. You are not qualified to take care of your mother in this setting. I knew what my limitations were and the process of putting my mother in long term care was and is still is a h*ll, but she is making it a heck of a lot better than if I was trying to pull it off. I physically could not do it by myself. Yes, I still bear a financial and emotional weight, but I will take that over what you describe. I visit her five times a week and bring her and provide the good stuff I know how to do.
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A couple of people have suggested dragging your mother out of her chair. I think that would be a mistake. You'll end up hurting her or yourself.

I think you have to make the hard decision on whether you intend on this being your way of life from now till your Mother dies or look into Home health care or transitioning her into care outside of the home.
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