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My MIL (alzheimers) has been very stubborn her whole life. I find myself spending way too much time .....cajoling...........requesting...........ultimately begging her to cooperate. And that is exhausting.
For the moment, my biggest obstacle is getting her to go to bed at night. I am exhausted and need a little bit of time to myself. That is a boundary I need to set. but she refuses to budge. She says "go ahead and go to bed. I'm not going and you can't make me." She refuses to budge. The longer the evening progresses, the more confused and stubborn she becomes. I've tried getting her up early etc.
But she is stubborn about getting up too.......... and simply refuses and just lays there all morning wide awake. She never naps.
I've given her Tylenol PM, warm milk etc with no success.
Any of you have this problem?

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If you can hire a sitter then it will be a good option.
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Can you hire a paid caregiver to watch out for her until she's ready to go to bed? Or to keep her awake during the day so she doesn't stay awake all night?

My husband is up and down all night, but he's safe to leave alone. I sleep in another room, so my sleep isn't disturbed by his coming and going. I'll have a problem if he ever becomes unsafe to be up by himself :-(

I feel sorry for whoever will be my caregiver if I get ever dementia. I've been a night owl my whole life, including a lot of time on second and third shift. If someone tried to put me to bet at 9 pm I would probably revolt too.
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Sundowning is an issue. After dark, she rapid fires the same questions over and over ....making herself more agitated. As the evening goes on she gets worse and more stubborn. So it's related to sundowning. The longer she is awake, the worse she gets. I try to get her to bed by 9 pm. because after that she is impossible. I've tried lots of psychology lol and have turned off the lights and television and she smugly sits there with a smirk on her face because she knows I can't go to bed till she does. Once I get her into bed, she does not get back up and she sleeps. For that I am so fortunate so I don't mean to complain. The hardest part for me is the "waiting" till she is good and ready for pretty much everything.
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The key to responding to aggression caused by dementia is to try to identify the cause—what is the person feeling to make them behave aggressively? Once you’ve made sure they aren’t putting themselves (or anyone else) in danger, you can try to shift the focus to something else, speaking in a calm, reassuring manner.
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Marialake, can MIL safely stay up on her own? I know that sometimes that is not possible with dementia. If it is safe, could you just let her stay up as long as she likes? If she needs you help getting ready for bed, say, "I'm going to bed soon, so let me help you get your nightgown on and give you your night pills. Then you can stay up as long as you like." What would happen if you did this?
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Gosh my heart goes out to both of you as so far im so lucky my mum goes to bed at 12am and sleeps until 12pm I wake her up at 9am to give her breakfast and meds. I just would nt cope if she gets like this right now its ALMOST 12am and ive just had enough please go to bed now please!!
I have read that yes getting them more excercise during the day helps my friends sister brought her mother for a LONG walk everyday of course she fought and didnt want to go but the sister blackmailed her and said if she didnt go for a walk there would be no food as they had to go shopping?
Good luck and thankgod I dont have this yet?
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We have sleep issues here, and although we are not dealing with Alzheimer, the attitude is still the same and she wakes up the kids and I have to worry.
We tried melatonin at the doctor's request. Didnt do much.
After alot of research, we realized we needed to take the shades off the window. This causes lots of sun to come in, and sleeping with sunshine gets difficult over time.
Receiving sunshine early everyday "resets" the inner clock. There needs to be daily regular sunshine, and exercise if possible.
Otherwise we have tried everything, and nothing works.
The only thing that caused a measurable difference and finally worked was first forcing sunshine (I am willing to bet that your MIL is also vitamin D deficient), making it a ritual for her to walk to get the things she wants so that she is on her feet more, and making everything a ritual and saying things out loud (it psychologically sets you up for a physical-schedule) every night I announce "time for dinner" and "time to clean up after dinner" and " can I get you water?" and by repeating the same sentences every day at the same time, it programs your body for what comes next. Sun and vitamin D do the rest.
It takes time, it works on everybody regardless of age or gender, requires consistency, and provides a sense of security.
Hope it helps.
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How about some reverse psychology? Tell her you need her to stay up until midnight or 1 AM so she'll sleep longer in the morning. That will totally confuse her and may get her to go to bed earlier. A bit sneaky, but worth a try??? :)
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