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Has anyone dealt with the area agency on the aged and can they help us navigate getting Medicare and possible veterans benefits? What experiences have you had dealing with them verses APS ?
My husband just got to his moms in hopes of convincing her to come stay here while his dad is hospitalized. She refused this a few days ago but maybe she'll come this time. He went during the day verses evening and she's afraid of the dark. The police called yesterday and told him they've been out there everyday since his dad was hospitalized for lost items she can't find and her setting off her home alarms . He said they are pretty much tired of going there constantly - come get her!


Secondly, how do I entertain a very nervous, high strung, person with dementia and no hobbies? All she likes is Fox News and we don't have cable. Do they enjoy dusting? Folding laundry? She is constantly moving things around and never sits. Theres not really anyplace here to move around. We have a small older home (1928) with three rooms and one bath. There's no way to get away from each other- lol .

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Oh my Sorry.. how awful! Thinking of you!
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So update on our weekend. Apparently the reason we asked her to stay was because we were plotting her death. At this point all we can do is pray she has another meltdown and the police are called . Next time she's taken in to the hospital on a 5150 we will refuse to pick her up.
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Well some success at last. Hopefully this will last at least a few days.
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Yes she is here stuck in the loop of repeated conversation. No ones stole anything yet- lol. Idk how they got her to leave but she eventually she did. The next morning she called my husband and told him she didn't know where his dad was. So she remembers sometimes then forgets again.
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Didn't you say the hospital recommended your MIL to listen to music? Now might be the perfect time. The headphone idea from tacy sounds great. Was your husband able to get her home with him yesterday?Last time you reported NH couldn't get her to leave FILs side at the NH. By the way, how did you get her to leave the NH?
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No, the commission on aging cannot override APS but, if you qualify, they may be able to provide you with some sort of assistance. As for fox news, they stream it online so you could set it up on a computer, smart tv or pad, get her some headphones and let her watch it.
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Depending on how restless she is stay home focused on any activity could be a challenge but here are a few suggestions
Music is very calming especially if they enjoyed it in younger days
Flipping through an old family photo album
Old movies - rent from the library
Crossword and jigsaw puzzles - Amazon.com sells large piece ones
Folding towels or matching socks
Do you have an iPad? Download a slot machine game - Very fun
Make cookies or a pie together or deviled eggs - enjoy eating
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Sorry, I hope the gardening helps you through the next phase of care with your MIL - especially as spring is here and the freshness of the air plus the new growth should offer some respite from the challenges of MIL's needs now and in the near future.

Just thinking....she seems mobile enough to get to the rehab center - is she mobile enough to help with gardening - even if it's perhaps just picking flowers? Maybe you can figure out a way that she can help in more ways that will keep her busy?
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Garden artist - you are great! Thanks. Ps I love to garden too. It's my creative outlet .
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This has really been a rough journey for you, hasn't it? I recall your earlier posts when the difficulty was to get started on solutions, and address the financial situation. Now the solutions aren't as easily forthcoming as they could be.

1. I've had some dealings with the AAA, some not very helpful years and years ago, but more help in recent years. I think it does depend on the area though.

2. I've had one experience with APS, and concluded that that particular office was ineffective and worthless. But it's only one office, in one city.

3. I think you mean Medicaid, not Medicare, right? Others here are more knowledgeable on navigating that sometimes labyrinthine journey, so I'll let them chime in as I have no experience with it whatsoever.

I do think it's worth contacting the local AAA to start with. APS is for intervention in the case of abuse; it doesn't have as its primary goal the responsibility to assist people in getting financial help.

4. As to VA benefits, given the chaos in your life, I would look to someone to handle the application. I did a lot of research, called the VA numerous times, but it was still a challenge to figure out what might be available and the best way to access it.

Here are 2 sites to start out with, just to familiarize yourself with the process:

http://www.benefits.va.gov/losangeles/ and http://www.losangeles.va.gov/.

Start with the first link.

This has some helpful information; click on the CalVet County Assistance link to get an idea of what funds are available. This is in line with a general understanding of resources.

5. Find your county office here: https://www.calvet.ca.gov/VetServices/Pages/CVSO-Locations.aspx. Make an appointment after calling to find out what documents you need to bring. They might handle all the paperwork for you, for FREE.

6. Or contact American Legion or VFW offices in your area; they also handle the paperwork for free. Don't pay anyone to do it - there are some snake oil scoundrels trying to convince people that they do it for free when they really want access to your financial assets so they can manage them....but not for free.

Second question: Activities.

There are some current posts addressing this issue, as well as historical posts.

See:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/I-am-looking-for-actives-my-client-can-do-Her-hands-are-too-arthritic-to-do-much-She-can-barely-hold-199783.htm

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/best-cd-player-for-dementia-patient-170899.htm

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/Does-anyone-color-with-your-loved-one-199788.htm

There are some other current posts but I can't locate them right now.

This is a link to previous posts on the issue of activities:
https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=activities+for+restless+elders

I definitely would NOT get cable so MIL can watch Fox News. With the election looming, the political yakking will drive you crazy. There are some other tv options though but I'm not knowledgeable on them.

Sadly, I think you're going to have to plan out all her activities for her, including dusting, helping with laundry, etc.
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Oh dear god I feel for you, good luck with this one! I can not imagine this in a 3 room home,, you will go crazy !
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