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My mother's dementia has recently increased to a new level and she is no longer able to live at home. She is currently temporarily in an assisted living facility, but refuses to comply with anyone or anything, and every single task seems to be a gargantuan struggle. My father has been her primary caregiver and she has always been resistant to allowing anyone else to care for her. Now she's at a point where she refuses. When dad comes to see her each day, she immediately starts packing her things and insisting that he take her home. She apparently does this non-stop (I'm geographically removed from the situation so haven't seen it in person yet) throughout the day. All of this is causing problems because she refuses to participate in therapy, and she will not be allowed to remain in the facility if she is not making any progress. And this behavior also wears on the staff. This is not a memory care facility, and I don't know that we'll be able to afford a facility like that in the future.

For one thing, is this possibly a "phase" that she will go through for only a certain period but will eventually be alleviated? And is there a medication or some other way to get her to comply so that she can be cared for properly and her life will be improved? Mom's still a smart cookie, she's always been a loving mother, but she's having a real tough time right now. We really want to help her.

This is pretty new to our family so we are looking for answers and expertise. Thank you so much in advance.

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OK, that sounds right. The current situation started when she woke up at home one morning about 3 weeks ago and was particularly unresponsive. My dad ended up calling 911, they took her to the hospital, then they sent her to a rehab facility. But she was not allowed to stay there after a few days. Now she's been in her current location for about a week. Please pardon my lack of clarity and detail, there have been so many things going on. I think my dad and siblings are doing a good job at working through the various options, but since this is new to our family I wanted to reach out to this community and garner some of the wisdom and experience of those of you who have dealt with this. Want to find out if there are any other resources or options that we may not have considered or know about.
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If medicare is covering it while she makes progress then she's technically in rehab. A nursing facility that accepts both private pay to start and Medicaid after a few years of private pay might be a better option.
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Also, she is not completely detached from reality. She knows who my dad is and who I and my siblings are. She was actually doing OK at home with my dad, except for frequent falls and incontinence, both of which were a real burden for an otherwise healthy 80-year-old man to have to deal with.
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It's an AL facility that I think is being covered by Medicare for a period of time, but only if she shows progress. After that it becomes quite expensive, a little out of my folks' budget. They did go to visit a Medicaid approved nursing home but were horrified.

I believe she has been seen by a psychiatrist and we're waiting for a report.

I think it's mostly physical therapy but maybe some cognitive stuff too. She's actually quite capable of doing the therapy and would benefit from it, and it would allow her to improve and get better care. Her refusal to participate is just making everything much more difficult.

Financially, they are not in desperate straights by any means, but my understanding is that memory care facilities are very expensive and beyond what they would be able to handle.
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This is not going to get any better. She is going to need a memory care facility. If Monet is an issue you may need to apply for Medicaid. Use this site for great info on both topics. Sorry to be so blunt, but I'm watching my father go through the same kind of stubborn behavior. It can make you so angry but you must remember they dont realize what they are doing.
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Is your mom in an AL or in rehab? what kind of therapy are they expecting her to participate in, OT and PT? It's very hard to get someone with dementia to follow instructions once they are past a certain point in the illness.

In terms of medication, can you get her seen (ASAP) by a geriatric psychiatrist? Antidepressants sometimes help this sort of behavior.
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