Follow
Share

Dementia and incontinence. My 79 yo mother with Dementia has incontinence issues. She is in denial about her Dementia. She has anosognosia--a lack of awareness of impairment.
How do i get my mother to wear Depends or other incontinence garments? My mother has frequent accidents but will not wear them. My mother's friends are aware that she has Dementia. One of her girlfriends called to tell me about an accident she had while at a lunch. How do I explain to my mother's friends that she will not wear them? How can I get her friends to understand the nature of the disease and I am doing the best I can--being her live at home caregiver?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
We run into this issue all the time at The CareGiver Partnership. We have 100's of incontinence solutions. I agree with removing from the drawer the 'regular' underwear and replacing with disposables. Another solution that may work is an absorbent incontinence pad such as Poise or Tena (many other brands too) placed inside regular underwear. We even sell cloth underwear that are specially made to have an absorbent pad inserted in the garment itself.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I agree with those saying to remove cloth underwear. Did this with my father who lives with me. He also uses a 'guard' for extra protection. I have his pullups and pads delivered to the house on a regular schedule. To dispose of these we use a diaper gene. He can dispose of them himself and I can empty it. Literally no smell either. Wishing you the best.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Buy the pretty ones in colors. And buy the pull=up kind, not the snap diaper kind, if that will work. Looks more like a panty. Recently saw another brand, color white, looked like underwear and had ruffles on it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Buy some large quilted pads to put on the bed

I have a supply of Reusable Bedpads 34" x 52" from amazon. different brands and dimensions. soft padding one side waterproof on other side.They have been washed hundreds of times. Looks for baby crib protectors.

ADW weards depend typ pants but urine overflows and the bed pads are used as sheets and they work terrific.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My suggestions:
1. Remove all of her underwear from the drawer and replace them with Depends. Simply refer to them as her "briefs."
2. Buy some large quilted pads to put on the bed under her derriere during the night. You can use those large diaper safety pins to pin 2 diagonal corners of the pad to the bedsheets so the pad will not shift.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Important: do not forget to use new diaper every day even if your loved one did not have any accidents and her/his previous day diaper looks dry and clean. Especially cheap diapers will harbor bacteria: your loved one will have UTI if you do not take hygiene seriously.
Tranquility diapers designed to prevent it. And no, I am not affiliated with that company. But I love to use that product for all my residents, at least at night time.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Also, forgot to mention, Tranquility company will send you free samples if you call before placing the order.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

For the night time I recommend to by extremely convenient diapers from "Tranquility Incontinence" Yes, they made for those who pee excessively at night, and hold up to 3,5 cups of fluid without irritating the skin. Great product!!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Yep, I had to go through this one too...:)
Welcome to the "Diaper Club".
In fact, even though most of you have an absolutely wonderful advice about replacing all regular underwear with pull-ups is great, I actually had to wear a diaper for a day when had a Lady who would question it. Yes, she actually said: "You are full of sh**! I don't believe you.... I bet you are not wearing those!" It gave me an idea to run to the bathroom and pull one on myself.
All day long, when she would bring up the subject about wearing diaper, I told her it's a new style or warmer panties for adorable ladies to wear in the winter and sure I am wearing one too. Had to pull elastic on my trousers down to prove my point. She did not ask any questions the very next day.
Fun, fun, fun!!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My mom wouldn't wear them either but after the last "accident", I said let's try these just in case. She started wearing them voluntarily and now that her dementia is so bad, it's not an issue. I get a box of Large and BJ's and just recently decided to get a pack of xtra large that she wears over her regular pair at bed time.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I find http://www.alzconnected.org/ to be one of the best resources in this world.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I think removing all of her regular underwear on the sly is the only thing I can do. I just hope she won't become combative and insist that we take her to buy more.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Unfortunately my mother's pride gets in the way of me trying to help her.
In her mind there is nothing wrong with her and she doesn't have an incontineance problem. I buy Depends Silhouettes and keep a box in her bathroom. But getting her to wear them is hard. She must realize that she has a problem because I found a used one hidden in her bathroom (I know...disgusting).
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Just tell her that these "underpants" will help keep her clothes and bedding clean!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My dad is 90 years old...he is not having the accidents yet but I'm sure that it is coming. He doesn't wipe his bottom good at all so I put on the gloves and clean with baby wipes, but as a caregiver and him being my dad, its hard for me to wipe his bottom. So I need to buy disposable underware. I told him and he just looks at me like I'm crazy. He has a little Dementia but its not bad yet. Mainly a little memory loss. How can I get him to clean his bottom better...sometimes he does..
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Mom was wearing sanitary pads and having multiple accidents when she moved in with me. She would not even wear Poise pads. I went to the Depends website and got a free sample of two or three Silhouettes (they are great for daytime but don't hold enough for nighttime). We went on a driving vacation and left at night. I asked her to wear them "just for this trip" because I did not know where we would find a bathroom on our trip. I asked her just to help me. We never looked back. I now get them on a subscription basis through Amazon. I get a case each month (you can request more or less) but they are automatically sent and I don't have to go out and buy them and they are a little less expensive. If I end up with a build up because I use another product for nighttime I can cancel a month if need be. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

DCam54: Just curious, Why do you (the son in law) have to put the pad in your Mother In Laws underwear? Why not your wife who is her (I presume) daughter? You say YOU quit your job, what about your wife, does she work or is otherwise not avilable?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My mom had a problem initially. I started talking about them like some great new panties and how nice they looked (I bought the kind that were pretty purple with ruffles too) and made a big deal about the fact that she would be more comfortable and not have to worry she accepted them. Don't by any means call them diapers or adult panties or depends.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yes this is something else .Pad her bed and were she sit with pad. Also there pad that you can placein the underwear . Also let her known the skin cannotsometime tolerate wetness at all. Get all underwear and hide them .
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

While my mother doesn't like the idea of wearing depends, she has had some accidents and close calls, so she will wear them. Get the style that is less bulky and more like regular underwear. The ones for men even have the wide band at the top and my husband wore those for a few weeks after some temporary issues after a surgery. They didn't reveal themselves with any bulkiness under clothing.

Another thing you could try are panties with a thick padding in the crotch area. Look at catalogs with health aids and you might find them. They are good for leakage issues and might be a transition item to wearing full depends.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Wow this is a tough one. My wife makes sure I make my M-I-L use a pad every morning. Its not easy. I put the pad in her underwear before she wakes up. She only has had to accidents in the year and a half we have lived here but they have been in the last few months so I think its going to become more often. I think taking away the other underwear is the best thing you can do. Look I have no training for doing this. My wife and I moved in here and I quit my job to do this. its very hard to take things away from someone that has been doing it for years but in a lot of cases it needs to be done. We had to put a lock on the basement door so she would not go downstairs. She was not happy but in time the issue passed. To all of us... Head up and get support from ANYONE you can
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I watch for sales pricing at CVS and Wallgreen's many brands will send you samples
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My mother hates them, thinks they are ugly, which they are. I just matter of factly told her these were new underwear, thicker just in case. And have to keep telling her that because she naturally doesn't remember. I get them at BJs and there is only one type. Didn't realize there were other options of Depends. Will have to check out their site.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

remove ALL her underpants and replace them with the Depends.worked for us.
Refered to back then as paper underwear. She used to remove her depends and switch to panties when she wore slacks. Removed all the cloth pants and she had no choice.. Generic brands work greeat,
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

These all sound like good advice. This may not work for everyone but we had the same issue when my Mom got Alzheimer's and didn't want to wear "diapers." We found some that were pinkish color and had little ruffles around the leg openings. We called them her "ruffled panties" and she was fine with them after that. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." (Shakespeare)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Just tell her these are regular underwear. My grandmother has dementia and incontinence too. She was always very stubborn about the idea and refused to try them. I bought a trial kit of Depends with different styles and sizes, and then we BOTH tried on our new underwear from the kit. I told her to let me know which style she liked so I could buy her some new underwear. She's been wearing them ever since! Thank goodness! Good luck! Check out the Depends website, you might be able to get some free samples and use them as your trial kit.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My MIL never wore underpants. Because she worked most of her life she wore pantihose. For "underpants" she would cut the legs off of pantihose and use that at best or rather go without. Now that she is older, and she is having minor issues, but the thought of wearing underpants is foreign to her. She won't even wear clothes she used to wear saying they aren't hers and she won't touch them. She is extremely stubborn so I don't know what I will do. There is no embarrassing her. If she feels she can't make it in public she just won't go out -- never, never, ever would she use a public bathroom!. We have to plan our outings around her abilities to hold it (fortunately something she still is aware of and I try to make sure she goes before we leave the house.) But I've noticed that recently she will say something about having a stomach ache and if I don't get her home and in the bathroom within 15 minutes there will be an accident. It's no fun being old.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The way I did it was to discreetly bring a package up to the counter while we were at the store. I asked her if she thought she needed them and that I would buy them for her so she didn't have to. Sometimes the embarrassment of having everyone know is the problem.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You really do have to remove all of her "regular" underwear. There are pull ups that feel a lot like regular underwear and we tell mom it's just in case. Alas as to going out with girlfriends, it may be better for them to come over for a visit and bring treats for afternoon tea. This is also the benefit of assisted living...lovely dining roon to entertain guests and help on site for accidents.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I feel your pain. My mother won't wear them either. We aren't in a bad situation yet, but will be soon. I heard one suggestion, which the AL gave us. . .just remove ALL her underpants and replace them with the Depends. (She won't have a choice. . .unless she decides to go without, and that will become a new problem. sigh)
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.