Follow
Share

She insists on working. My eighty year old mother has gone to the ER this week. I took her wheeled her in on a wheelchair. Told them what was going on with her. Severe pain in hips for three months, not eating, not sleeping, etc. yet she continues to work. The dumb lady at the Loma Linda ER in Menifee, Riverside CA told her to keep working.

The reason my mother keeps working is to support my brother who is 55 and lives in another county. He has also taken financial advantage of her and has put her home in foreclosure. Brainwashed her into thinking I am abusing her and filed false charges against me. Of course they were dropped.

How do I get my mother to stop working, her friends and doctor tell her too. She comes home in pain. Got bank statement and brother overdrawn her account.

She even bought him a car. Please advise me. I don't want to start any problems because she will fight me because she says "its her son"

OMG, I don't know whether to run for the hills or stay put and try to protect her from herself and her son!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Your mom keeping active is wonderful, esp if she likes her job. Ask her if everyone one the lottery in your family, would she still work? If she says yes, she really likes her job even tho she is having more health issues. You can also let her know that once she retires, she can always volunteer somewhere she likes so she can stay busy. But, she may keep insisting to work to help your brother.( ask your brother what he will do without mom paying for the bills) I wish you luck
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Let her keep working, it is great for the brain, and gives one a reason to get up in the morning.

My boss will be 80 and he still owns his company and has full charge. He said without his work, he'd probably be sitting on a front porch somewhere with a blanket over his legs not remembering who he is.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Where does she work? It may be the only thing that keeps her going.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

LOOKUP, I understand what the people at the hospital were trying to say, 'keep moving and working, it's better than sitting down and giving up'. That makes total sense, but they also didn't know the back story of what's going on with your mom so you need to cut them some slack there. As for your mother and brother, it's my thought that he's the only one that withholds love and affection from her so that's why she goes overboard in helping him. If the only time he throws her some crumbs of love her way is when he gets something from her, then why wouldn't she help him? It's totally WRONG, but it's also the way it's been probably for decades, am I right? To change this now after all this time isn't going to happen unless your mother 'sees the light' and has an epiphany. What are the odds of that? Not good. Sorry. Unless you can take control of her finances and put a tourniquet on the flow of money going to deadbeat, you're doomed to watch her eventually get to the place she can't work, can't send money and bail deadbeat out, then he'll disappear and you can step in. Doesn't make it right, just a fact. Sorry again.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

There always seems to be something about that Mother and son connection that just prods them on to do anything and everything they can for them as long as they live. I have seen it with other friends Mothers and I have experienced it with my own. He can do no wrong...In his earlier years my parents bailed his and his first wife's behind out of debt over and over and over again...against my Dad's wishes, but at Mother's insistence. I sided with Dad, and she would get upset at me and tell me "that is my son"....it has continued on through life and nothing I did ever changed it. My parents grew up in the depression era and never would do things that would have made their lives so much easier, including upgrades to their home which could have provided more comfort, etc. They would not go on trips, out to eat, etc because they wanted to be sure they could help us if we ever needed help. God love them, some parents are just like that. My Dad passed several years ago, but Mama continued to work her entire life...and after she retired from her paying job, she worked even harder...in her yards, painting her own house, even though she could easily have afforded paying someone else...and she continued to dish out the money just for the heck of it, in spite of having horrific issues with varicose veins....

We begged her to stop and take it easy and tried to keep everything done but she just found other things to do and said that is what kept her going. And you know what? I think she was right. She continued on up until she fell right after her 86th birthday and she had to slow down for a bit, but then she was at it again...then she broke her leg the following year, went to rehab, then refused to slow down ....until the following year, when she took a horrid tumble down her basement stairs and sustained a substantial trauma to her head....at which point I moved home to care for her because she would have had to go to a nursing home otherwise...BUT, the doctors all told us one reason she was able to come through what would probably otherwise have taken her life was because she had continued to be active. I do think they were right...

It doesn't mean you don't worry about them...but they're not going to slow down at your insistence. I think that generation gets a lot of pleasure out of a good days work....it makes them feel productive and needed. I agree with everyone's responses, and I'm guessing as long as she is doing a good job, and she is probably doing a better job than peers one third her age....just pray for her and keep going...it's not easy, but if you force her to stop she will probably just resent you for it....blessings to you all
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My story is not nearly as extreme as yours but my elderly parents still rely on a floundering small business (Mom 81 Dad 85). Dad is now in rehab recovering from sepsis. We just found out it was because his gums are infected because he did not want to spend money on a dentist. I have been very concerned about my parents life style for years and have wished they would do things differently. At one point I made myself sick over it. Finally a peer of mine told me I needed to let them live their life their own way. My worry was only hurting me and it was not going to change them. I argued that it was like watching a train coming in to the station at full speed without any brakes. Disaster in the making... She agreed but then she said "... but you putting yourself in front of the train is not going to stop it, it's just going to get you run over". She was right, nothing I could have said or done was going to change them. The train wreck is a lot closer now, might even be happening as I write but my life has been better for not putting myself in the middle of things.

As for the sibling thing... I did involve myself in a situation where one of my siblings was causing my parents financial difficulty and mental harm. Well that just backfired on me big time. My Mom came crying to me for help and I jumped in like a fool. When I tried to talk my parents into standing up for themselves they both backed down and I ended up in the hot seat. NEVER again. I guess in this long winded way I am agreeing with jeannegibbs...run for the hills.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Perhaps your mother needs an appointed guardian since she seems to be overly influenced by your brother. I would consult an elder care attorney before your mother is at the point where she will need all of her funds for her own care.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Activity is so good for the elder population.
Above info. is good. I have not much more to add.
God bless... Happy Mother's day to your mom & you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Run for the hills.

This behavior toward her son did not just start last week. It probably reflects her life-long attitude. I can't imagine how you would change it.

If she is competent mentally and her employer is satisfied with her work, I don't see how you can stop her from working.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.