That is a great way of putting it, rakshita. I had never thought of it that way. And it is true. I am very sensitive to belittling remarks because I have never had much self confidence. It is my Achilles tendon button. What your therapist said makes perfect sense to me. I try to put some fake teflon on, but it doesn't really work inside of me. I don't know why some people have the need to belittle others and how they seem to be able to pick out people it will bother.
I had a therapist years ago who taught that if you don't have the velcro for it, comments from others won't attach. When words/actions from another get to me, I look into myself for the cause. My older sister still criticizes me at age 78, with a masters degree, 25-year teaching career, financial stability, long marriage, many friends, 3 successful daughters and 8 grandkids I'm helping through college. When I hear her judging, personal comments directed my way, I put Teflon over my childhood Velcro and let her comments go right by me. Still, it would be good if she'd stop.
You are asking how to control somebody else's behavior. That is a tall order, and not one you may be able to fill. I think that is why everyone is suggesting you work on it from your side. Figure out "How can I stop responding when Mom pushes my button." That one is pretty tough, too, but you are far more likely to be able to control your behavior than your mother's.
I have notelets plastered everywhere to remind me not to get triggered. A picture of carousel horse = don't get into arguments that have no end. It's not Mac it's the Dementia (though sometimes it's Mac, D doesn't get all the credit. A picture of a button with a huge smile Ok, it doesn't always work, like today when he wound me up in the garden. But there are times when it does. Then I give myself a tick. 5 ticks = a small treat piece of candy, special shower gel & 2 extra minutes in the shower. Little things mean a lot :~)
Button pushing is I think a manipulative tactic of controllers, who enjoy seeing the reactions they can create in others. They feel that sense of control when they can manipulate someone.
My sister told me never challenge or argue with a controller; doing so just feeds his/her need and he/she feels more empowered - it's kind of like throwing chum out in a shark field. The sharks don't get satiated, they just want more chum.
Curtain said it best. I can't think of any better way other than to sever the wire between the button and your brain. That way you'll not be bothered by either intentional or unintentional button pushing. It's a lot easier to SAY sever the connection than it is to actually do it.
The easy answer, which I personally cannot seem to do, is to stop responding to said button pushing. If it doesn't work anymore for them, there's no payoff. Now how to have a robot installed for your brain so you can not respond while they wear themselves out trying to get a reaction I have no idea.
A picture of carousel horse = don't get into arguments that have no end.
It's not Mac it's the Dementia (though sometimes it's Mac, D doesn't get all the credit.
A picture of a button with a huge smile
Ok, it doesn't always work, like today when he wound me up in the garden.
But there are times when it does. Then I give myself a tick. 5 ticks = a small treat
piece of candy, special shower gel & 2 extra minutes in the shower.
Little things mean a lot :~)
My sister told me never challenge or argue with a controller; doing so just feeds his/her need and he/she feels more empowered - it's kind of like throwing chum out in a shark field. The sharks don't get satiated, they just want more chum.